Don't touch that
by stupid-nickel
Summary: Jack is touching something he REALLY shouldn't... "Would you mind…um…not touching that?" "Why not?" "It's making me very uncomfortable." Fair warning, crack!fic. Some stories are complete and utter CRACK! But, things aren't always what they seem! Random little ficlets/drabbles, not always connected. Rated T for suggestiveness...just to be safe. Feel free to leave a request!
1. Don't Touch That

**Ahhh! The bunnies! The BUNNIES! They haven't stopped nagging me to write this ALL DAY! Even though I TOLD them I was at work! But NOO, they wouldn't have it! **

**Well, I hope you like this anyways. Let me know what you think :P**

* * *

"Um, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Well, would you mind…um…not touching that?"

"Why not?"

"It's making me very uncomfortable."

"Come on, Doctor, loosen up!"

"But why does it have to be _mine_?"

"I like yours better."

"Why? Just because it's bigger?"

"…I never said that!"

"You've got your own! Play with that!"

"But Doctor…"

"And I've grown quite attached to it over the years."

"Fine. We'll compromise."

"Oh yeah, I like _that_!"

"I thought you might. It's great, isn't it?"

"Yeah! Hey, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Never touch my radio again."

"Fine. But you've got to admit, Kansas is _way _better than Adele."

"…"


	2. I Never Thought

**Hey folks! So I have decided to keep writing drabbles. I don't know if they'll all be in the same format, if they'll all be innuendo-y, or how often I'll update, but it will all be under this story!**

**Thanks to Cjabbott98 for favoriting and following, TheSwanWriter for favoriting and following, and MarlyHarkness and RiverDoctorPotterSong for favoriting!**

**Cjabbott98- haha that's what I was going for ;) And good thing it made sense. I was uber tired so yeah. Well, you wanted other characters, so here you go!**

**Feng Yue- that was the point! Glad it worked xD**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- looks like I will :P Thanks :)**

**TheSwanWriter- meh, it happenes ;) Thanks. I love him too! I wonder how he would react to the Doctor's new face! I'm glad you would read them :)**

**So this story features the 10th Doctor and Donna! Let me know in the reviews who you'd like to see or any mini-plots you'd like to happen! I'm open to suggestions!**

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"I never thought I'd be doing this with you…"

"It's not exactly what I pictured doing this afternoon either, skinny boy!"

"You're really good."

"Is that surprise I hear?"

"Maybe just a little."

"Oi! I'll have you know, _Doctor_, that I've had _loads _of practice!"

"You've done this before?"

"Tons of times!"

"Well that explains it!"

"Thanks."

"Oh God. _Donnaaaa_!"

"_Finally!_ That'll be three-hundred and sixty pounds, please!"

"But—"

"Quit your whining and give me my money. I earned it!"

"I only have a hundred and thirty!"

"Thank you! Well, now that _that's _over, you get to clean up!"

"…I'm never playing Monopoly with you again."


	3. Over The Top

**Hello all! Thanks for the wonderful feedback!**

**Thanks to Phoebe Cloud and wikaholic for the favorites!**

**BIG thanks to PotterheadWhovian7, wikaholic, and z3stygurl97 for deciding to stalk the story!**

**HUGE thanks to my reviewers!**

**Cjabbott98- Thanks! Lol I know what you mean. I read it to my mom...she gave me a weird look until I got to the end. Then she just rolled her eyes and said she had to do something xD Ohh family. (PS- Happy 25th anniversary mom and dad!)**

**wikaholic- haha yeah that's what I'm aiming for ;) thank you so much :)**

**z3stygurl97- hahaha! That's brilliant! The sad thing is, that happens to me WAY too often xD Though...I've never been on a train...**

**Reviews make the world go round! ...okay so they dont. but they DO make me write faster! Send me some reviews, or even PMs, telling me who you'd like to see in a chapter along with any mini-plots you want! Your wish is my command! ...probably...**

**This chapter is for Kelsey aka z3stygurl97 who wanted a bit of Rose and 10th Doctor sexual tension xD Hope you like it!**

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"Rose, stop!"

"What? Why?"

"I can't do it!"

"Doctor, I'm _almost_ there!"

"I know, I am too—"

"Can't you keep it up? Just a _tad_ longer!"

"We've been at it all day! I'm too tired."

"Well hang tight a minute. I _have_ to finish!"

"Without me?"

"You helped get me this far. I can do the rest without you."

"Fine. I'll just _watch_ then."

"Oi, don't start _pouting_. I'll just be a second! I'm about to go over the top!"

"But—"

"Besides, _you _are the one who wanted to go rock climbing."

"Yes, but I didn't think it would involve this much physical effort!"


	4. World of a Difference

**Wow! I can't believe you guys like these so much!**

**Cjabbott98- Damn! I totally should have! That would have been even better :/**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- *bows* ;) Well I try! It also helped that my best friends were guys all through high school :P**

**TheSwanWriter- haha I think most people's minds ;) And yeah, that always sucked :( I'm sorry...but this is going to be another one :P Glad you like it though :)**

**wikaholic- DONE!**

**PotterheadWhovian7- haha that sounds like something I would do xD thanks!**

**This one's for wikaholic who wanted another Rose/Doctor one ;)**

**Let me know in the reviews what you'd like to see!**

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"Um, Rose?"

"Yeah, Doctor?"

"How did _that _happen?"

"_You _did it!"

"Me? What did _I _do?"

"Remember how hot it was? And then you accidentally shot some of that on it!"

"Did I?"

"Yup. Though, I'm kind of glad you did…just look at it!"

"It's soaked through to the _bone_!"

"I'll get the hair drier. My mum said it'll make a _world _of a difference!"

"_Jackie _said that?"

"Where did you think I got all my tricks from?"

"…"

"Ahh. That's better now."

"…"

"Oi! So what, am I just gonna do all the work while you just stand there watching?"

"Sorry. …_OW_!"

"Aww, poor kitty. No wonder you're angry. That mean Doctor sprayed you with the hose."

"I was only trying to cool off the TARDIS! Not _my_ fault he ran through the stream…"


	5. The Doctor Was Bored

**Hello lovely people! So, today I want to try something new. I have 3 short ficlets. They all have to do with one another, but im not sure if you guys would rather have the format from previous chapters. Let me know what you think of this. I'm running out of ideas for the just-speech-sounds-dirty-but-it-really-isn't.**

**Thanks to Aaliastar and Exact Estimate for favoriting the story and choosing to stalk it, and to Exact Estimate again for also favoriting and stalking ME! (though I'm not sure how I should feel about that last choice...). Speaking of stalking, I saw someone in your bushes the other night, watching you in your house. Don't worry, I told them to leave. I told them. Cause, I mean, that's MY spot! The nerve of some people!**

**PotterheadWhovian7- yeah, poor kitty :( And don't worry, everyone needs to rant sometimes :P**

**Exact Estimate- (cool name, by the way) Thanks :) I'm really glad you're enjoying it! Hahaha! Yeah, I read it to my roommate, pretty much the same reaction xD I hope this type of ficlet works for you :)**

**wikaholic- thanks :)**

**Cjabbott98- yeah, I could, but I probably won't. I'm too lazy xD It totally could have, too, but i suppose it works both ways? I kinda like it how it is. I dunno.**

**So yeah. Let me know what you think of this one. Should I post the other two? Will Rory get back at the Doctor? What does Amy think of all this? Reviews to me are like Badgers to Matt Smith; we both name them Charlie. :D**

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The Doctor was bored. _Extremely_ bored. And nothing good ever came from that. "Come on, Sexy," he murmured to the TARDIS as he lounged underneath the glass floor of the control room, "isn't there _one _planet to save? Someone to foil? An adventure to be had? None at all?" Pouting, he ran his hands through his mop of hair. "Well then, we'll just have to come up with something ourselves, won't we?"

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"Rory! Come quick! It's an emergency! _Roryyyyyyy!_"

Rory came flying into the console room, shampoo in his hair and a towel wrapped around his waist, threatening to fall at any moment. "What is it, Doctor?" he asked frantically. "Is it Amy? River? What?"

The Doctor walked up to Rory slowly, he held his hands up in a peaceful gesture. "They're fine, Rory. But outside the doors, there's a planet in need. Gastrophalla 4. They need Rory the Roman, specifically."

"What?" Rory raised a brow and wrapped the towel tighter around himself. "Why?"

"I can't explain, there's no time. Now _hurry_! Go change!" The Doctor shooed him out of the room.

When Rory returned, he was clad in his Roman warrior outfit—helmet and sword included. Thank God Amy liked it. "Right," he said nodding. Rory pulled on his helmet, unsheathed his sword and strode purposefully to the doors. "Here I go." He walked out and shut the doors behind him.

Through the TARDIS's doors, the Doctor heard Rory proclaim "Don't worry, I'm here to help. What seems to be the problem?" The Doctor stifled a snicker when he heard a mob of girls screaming.

A few moments later, Rory rushed back into the TARDIS, his clothing torn and his helmet missing. He leaned against the doors, holding them shut. "DRIVE!" he shouted.

Without missing a beat, the Doctor brought the TARDIS back to Earth. The death glare he received from Rory the Roman pushed him over the edge. He fell to the floor in a fit of giggles, clutching his stomach.

"You'll pay for this, Doctor," Rory threatened as he went to change. The Doctor laughed even harder, so hard that he was soon gasping for air.

Turns out Gastrophalla 4 had a legend—an extremely _popular _legend—of a Roman who waited 2000 years for his true love. A Roman who just so happened to look like Rory. And this legend had quite a large number of easily excitable fangirls.


	6. Four Times the Doctor Cried

**Hello people! Guess what! I finally got my room organized since I moved in like two weeks ago! YAY productivity! AND I also have a job interview on thursday! At a lazertagging place! EEEEEPPPP!**

**Thanks to ChickenKittyIOU for favoriting!**

**PotterheadWhovian7- yeah...we totally do xD**

**wikaholic- thanks :) I'm really glad.**

**TheSwanWriter- Lol yup, that was the point! Poor cat...I'm glad you like it! And we truly are! But don't lie. If YOU saw Rory the Roman, you'd want a piece of him! Well, this is an 11th, but no Rory or Amy this time! I'm glad they don't need to be :P I was running out of ideas!**

**Mrs. Doctor- RIVER? IS THAT YOU! Haha glad you liked it.**

**So guys, I cried writing this. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I cried like a baby. Then I drank tea out of my TARDIS mug (it disappears on one side and reappears on the other!) and cried a bit more. And now I'm eating chicken. I'm sure people have done something like this before, but I hope you like it anyways. The damn bunny wouldn't shut up. Sorry it's depressing, but I hope you like it anyways. **

**Let me know your thoughts and any plot ideas in the reviews!**

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The Doctor has only cried four times. Sure, he would shed a tear—maybe two—if he couldn't save someone, or if someone gets hurt because of him, but there have only been four times when the Doctor has cried, _truly_ cried, cried so hard that he didn't have a chance of stopping the tears, even if he wanted to.

The first time was when he lost Rose during the Battle of Canary Warf. He'd tried to get her to stay in Pete's World, tried to keep her safe, but Rose was stubborn. She wasn't about to let the Doctor fight this battle alone. And she wasn't going to be stuck in another dimension without him. So Rose stayed and together, they opened up the Void. Everything had been going fine until Rose slipped and almost fell into it. Luckily, thanks to her alternate-dimension father, she only ended up in another dimension. And the Doctor wasn't able to get her back. He burned up a sun to say goodbye to her, and she told him how she loved him. The Doctor decided it was now or never—he _had _to confess to her his love. She needed to know and he needed her to know. But he ran out of time. "Rose Tyler, I—" and she was gone forever. It killed him; they were supposed to spend years and years together. Running and saving planets and having adventures! But all of that was gone. And so the Doctor cried. He cried and vowed never to love again.

The second time was when he wasn't a Time Lord any longer—he had become John Smith, human. His very essence was inside of a Fob Watch. The Family was after him—_it_—and his school was under attack. Martha kept telling him that he needed to open the watch, that he could save everyone! But John was scared. All that he'd seen in his dreams, it was too much. He was scared to open the watch, and he was scared of himself. He didn't want to leave the life he had. The pressure and his worries and the great sense of _loss _overwhelmed him and the tears came pouring out. He just couldn't help it.

The third time the Doctor cried was when the Master died. The _Master_. One of his greatest foes. Kind as the Doctor was, he was also the Oncoming Storm, and he never would have thought he'd shed a tear for the Master. But after losing Gallifrey, after feeling like he was the last of his kind for _years_ and finding out that there was someone else, someone—no matter how twisted—that could relate to him, he was overjoyed! And then the Master died. It was only a gunshot wound, he could have regenerated, but he chose not to. He _wanted _the Doctor to be alone, to feel that great hole in his chest once again. And that hurt more than anything.

The fourth time was after he saved Donna's grandfather, Wilfred Mott. That kooky old man had been a wonderful friend to the Doctor, especially after he'd wiped Donna's memory of him. Wilfred tried to help the Doctor, which was all he'd ever wanted to do, but wound up being the one to knock four times. Wilfred hadn't even known what he'd done. The Doctor had always known he would have to regenerate again, but he'd spent so long in this form—this rude and not ginger, form. He'd made friends, had adventures, and had grown to love himself. He wasn't going to be _him _anymore. It was both terrifying and depressing. And so he cried. Harder than he ever had before.

Until now.

You see, River had just begged the Doctor to take her to see the Singing Towers. She pleaded for weeks. He didn't want to—he knew what would happen next—but the dejected look he received each and every time he said "no" pulled on his hearts-strings. And so he finally gave in. They spent the entire night under the stars enjoying the music, River lying in the Doctor's arms. The music was breathtaking. The Singing Towers sounded even better as the Doctor and River watched the sun rise.

But nothing lasts forever.

River sat up, stretched, and apologized to the Doctor. She explained that she had been hired by a man named Strackman Lux to bring him and his team on an expedition to the Library. "Apparently," she said rolling her eyes, "something happened there a hundred years ago. It's weird, but the Library gives off some message. Something like, 'four thousand have been saved but no one's survived.' I can't figure it out and it's _killing _me!" The Doctor winced at her choice of words. He pulled her close and begged her to stay. Just a while longer. He held back the tears that were threatening to spill because he couldn't give away her timeline. He couldn't save her. And he knew she wouldn't stay. "Sorry, sweetie," she shook her head, "but I can't be late." The Doctor kissed her goodbye—deep and passionate, wanting to sear her kisses into his brain forever—and River giggled.

"I love you," the Doctor murmured, unable to speak any louder.

"Love you too, Sweetie! I'll see you soon." She paused before activating her Vortex Manipulator to give him a cheeky smile. "Don't worry, I'll call if anything goes wrong!" Then she was gone.

The Doctor knew things would go wrong. He knew she would call him. But she wouldn't get _him_. She would get his tenth incarnation—the one who didn't even know her, nor would he trust her. River would whisper his name into his ear, letting him know that she _was _someone from his future, someone he _could _trust. And then River would die for him. She would die for the man who didn't know her.

The Doctor's hearts broke and he sobbed—the harsh, ragged, sobs wracked through his body and left him gasping for air. He sobbed harder than he had when he lost Rose, his human life, the Master, and himself all combined.

Hadn't he lost enough?


	7. Mary

**Hey, guys! Okay, so this story is super random and really stupid, but I thought it was a TAD humorous. Hope you like it and I want to give a big thanks to RandomSpeedReader who's story DIE, BARMAID, DIE! sort of inspired me to write this. I hope it isn't too much like yours! Seriously guys, DIE, BARMAID, DIE! cracks me up every time I read it. Go check it out! Especially if you like Supernatural and hate Mary-Sues. :D**

**Thank you DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 for favoriting, stalking, and giving my fingers a work out typing your name :P**

**Cjabbott98- Aww, thanks! :) I'm really glad you feel that way! It just popped into my head and I know it's been done before, but I felt like I should give it a go. Glad it turned out so well! Haha, yeah, dad's will do that. They just don't understand it! Thanks so much again, and don't worry, I LOVE cheese!**

**George Weasley's Ear- So THAT'S where you went to! He's been looking EVERYWHERE for you! lol. Haha, yeah, that's what I was aiming for! xD**

**Star of the Moon- Thanks so much! I'm glad you think so :) I'm really sad that eventually, that last moment IS going to happen to him. Maybe not like how I wrote it, but still. *sniff***

**Wikaholic- me too, man. me too.**

**So no offense to anyone or your stories with this chapter. It's just for fun. I thought I should brighten the mood after making you all bawl last time.**

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"—and _then _I said, 'Well, if you're going to be like _that_, Abe, I'll take my hat and go!" The Doctor fell to the ground in laughter while the Ponds shared a look. To be specific, it was their I-really-wonder-what-our-daughter-sees-in-this-man-sometimes-he-really-is-indescribably-odd look. They all turned to the doors of the TARDIS as a girl walked in.

She was beautiful—couldn't be older than twenty. Her hair fell to her hips in golden waves, her eyes were the deep blue colour of the Pacific Ocean, and her figure was slight. She could have been a model with her long legs and poised figure. She wore faded, ripped blue jeans, red converses, and a black tee-shirt with the words "Silence will fall" written across the chest in a decorative script.

The girl wandered over the threshold and towards the center console, her eyes wide with wonder. "Wow," she breathed, "it really _is _bigger on the inside!"

The Doctor shook his head in disbelief. "Um," he cleared his throat, "who are you? How did you get on board my TARDIS?"

The girl finally noticed her observers and gave a quick squeal. "It's really you!" she exclaimed giddily, jumping up and down while clapping her hands together. "I'm Mary. I guess you could say I'm from an alternate universe! You, Doctor, and Amy and Rory are all characters on a TV show called Doctor Who! I'm _such _a big fan!"

"Err, thanks?" The Doctor scratched his head. Hadn't all other universes been sealed off? "That still doesn't answer how you got onto my ship!" The Time Lord and his companions glared at Mary suspiciously—her answer better be good.

Mary sighed deeply. "Well, it's strange. I found this silver key in my sock drawer yesterday," she said, holding said key up for the Doctor to see. His eyes widened. It was, most definitely, a key to the TARDIS. "_Then_," Mary continued, "beside it I found this pocket watch. It must have been there since forever, but it must be broken. I never tried opening it though. I went to bed after that and woke up here."

The three TARDIS inhabitants gaped at Mary, their jaws hitting the floor. TARDIS key? Fob watch? Alternate universe? How…?

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light. When it dissipated, there was an extremely girly scream—Mary had been reduced to a pile of ash, and standing behind her…

"Dad, _please_, contain yourself."

"_RIVER?_"

River grinned and blew smoke from the barrel of her disintegrator-ray as Amy comforted a terrified Rory. "Hello, Sweetie."

"River, sweetheart, why did you kill that poor girl?"

"Oh, mum," River shook her head sadly, "that was no girl. That was a Mariophlaxitor-Raxigorsue, more commonly known as 'Mary-Sues.' They weasel their ways into people's lives, seemingly perfect. However, once you're in their clutches, they never let you go."

The Doctor gasped. A Mary-Sue? On _his _TARDIS! It was horribly embarrassing. "Mary-Sue's are worse than the Daleks," the Doctor explained, "and even harder to get rid of."

"But don't worry guys," River stated as she turned to look at the readers, "we'll get rid of them.

"One at a time."


	8. The Weeping Angels

**Hello! Here's another one!**

**Cjabbott98- yeah, it was a key to the TARDIS. haha thanks, I thought it would be a funny ending :P I'll have to figure out what to do about Jack and Ianto, but here's half of your request!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- "She just called you a stalker." "Oh HELL no! Hold my binoculars!" xD lol thanks a lot :)**

**So this is for Cjabbott98 who requested a fic about the Weeping Angels. As soon as you sent that, THIS came spilling out. Hope it's not TOO sucky. :P**

**Let me know what you think!**

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The Weeping Angels.

Winged humanoids that were from the early universe. One touch can send a person back in time, far before they are born, so that they can live to death. According to the Doctor, they are "the only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely." These creatures would cover their faces with their hands to prevent trapping themselves in stone form for the rest of eternity. Thus, the weeping appearance. The Angels were said to live off of their victims' remaining time energy.

But was it their fault?

The Angels could not uncover their eyes, in fear of being trapped for eternity. They couldn't look at one another, couldn't even look in the mirror! The constant fear and nagging loneliness alone would drive anyone mad.

Then there was the issue of touch. A single touch would send a person—no matter how powerful—spiraling back in time. People thought the Angels were malicious and dangerous, greedy for the time energy and willing to do anything to get their next fix. No one stopped to consider the idea that the Angels were simply reaching out to someone, anyone, in hopes of filling the dark hole that would build up inside of them.

They were sad, lonely, and afraid. They wanted help. They wanted friendship.

But, if we combine fear and ignorance, we end up with hatred. People called the Angels monsters. Ran from them, tried to destroy them, fought against the creatures that were searching for pity.

So after a while, the Angels fought back.


	9. Captain Jack Harkness

**Hellooooo everyone! So this one is also for Cjabbott98 who also requested something about Jack and Ianto. I hope that this piece of saddening fluff is good :)**

**Cjabbott98- haha glad you liked it! I thought I'd try another angle at the Angels. And strobe light party? One word. Epic. Haha I don't always update two chapters at a time, but when I do, I blame the plot bunnies!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- Thanks! Glad you think so. I thought it might end up good :) And stalking is such a harsh word...I prefer..._observing_.**

**Adote- That really made me smile. Out loud. ...I dunno how that's possible but its true! Thanks! It makes me really happy that this chapter ended up so well!**

**Wikaholic- Damn them Mary-Sues! Wanna know something sad? *whispers* I think one of my characters might be a tad Mary-Sueish. I don't think so, but I've been told :/ *normal voice* glad I made you laugh :) And I'm glad that you actually look forward to them! That means a lot, really!**

**So yeah, hopefully this is okay. If you don't watch Torchwood, you might have questions, but it should be alright to read with simply Doctor Who knowledge. *SPOILER ALERT!* The 456 are an alien bad guy who killed a bunch of people with poison gas. *AND AGAIN* If you haven't gotten that far in the series...sorry. :)**

**Let me know what you think! And as always, feel free to give me requests. I promise to do my best!**

* * *

"_It's all my fault."_

Captain Jack Harkness was many things. Time agent and con man from the 51st century. Occasional assistant and companion to the Doctor. Leader of the Torchwood Three team. The Face of Boe.

Immortal.

And he hated every second of it.

"_No it's not."_

"_Don't speak, save your breath."_

Each and every time he died it felt like—well, _dying_—and it always hurt like hell coming back. He wasn't natural, and upsetting the balance had consequences. Of course, the pain levels varied when he came back to life. Getting shot—the bullets flew out of him and the holes closed on their own, too quickly to be comfortable. Bleeding out—imagine the pins-and-needles feeling one has when the blood rushes back to the leg that fell asleep. Now picture it throughout the entire body, multiply it by fifty, and you still can't grasp what he feels. Blowing up—he has to grow a new body, from scratch, layer by layer. Think about it.

"_I love you."_

"_Don't. Ianto? Ianto. Ianto, stay with me. Ianto stay with me, PLEASE!"_

Being immortal meant that he outlived everyone he cared about. His daughter was older than him. His friends, those he cared about most, were dead.

Even _him_.

"_Stay with me! Stay with me, PLEASE!"_

"_Hey. There IS good yeah?"_

"_Yeah."_

The fight against the 456 had left him with nothing. He was alone—again. Sure, Gwen was still alive and fighting the good fight, but his entire reason for living was gone.

Ianto had been his anchor. Ianto had been the one to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. Ianto had been his one true love. And he was gone now.

"_Don't forget me."_

"_Never could."_

And so Jack hated his immortality. He hated that he couldn't die. It was a curse. A plague. His immortality was everything bad in the world.

But to every dark cloud, there's a silver lining.

"_In a thousand years' time, you won't remember me."_

"_Yes I will. I promise, I WILL."_

His ability to resurrect himself again and again meant that, in turn, he could _die _again and again. When he died, he got to see his true love.

"…_Ianto? Ianto. Don't go. Don't leave me, PLEASE! Please. Don't."_

Those moments, no matter how fleeting, no matter how short, gave him hope. Those moments were what kept him going; were what kept him _fighting_. Because in the times he died, Ianto was waiting for him. He was welcomed back with open arms. And so Jack welcomed the death. He welcomed the pain.

Captain Jack Harkness did many things well. Ran a secret agency protecting Earth from aliens. Gave out the odd dose of memory-altering pills. Saved the world once or twice.

But the one thing Captain Jack Harkness never did was break a promise.

"_Don't forget me."_

"_Never could."_


	10. Revenge is Sweet

**Hello again! Sorry the last chapter was sad. I couldn't help it :( But, here's a silly one to lift your spirits!**

**Cjabbott98- I would apologize, but I kind of wanted it to be that sad. I hope it was a good sad though! I'm glad you liked it! I just couldn't think of anything really happy at the moment. Maybe, when the bunnies tell me to, I can write a happy Jack/Ianto one for you :) That sure is a good universe :P *cowers from Janet***

**Please leave me any comment/criticisms you may have, questions and concerns work too. I also take requests! If you want to see something in particular, let me know in your review and I'll make it happen!**

* * *

The Doctor thought that Rory had forgotten about pranking him back. It had been a week and yet—nothing. There were no revenge attempts, no sneak attacks; Rory hadn't even _mentioned _Gastrophalla 4 and the Great Fangirl Incident of 2012. So, after thinking it over, the Doctor let his guard down and went on like usual.

Rory could hardly contain his smile.

In truth, Rory _hadn't _forgotten. He wanted his prank revenge, and he had wanted it as soon as they had _left _that blasted planet. But he knew better. The Doctor was smart. The Doctor would expect payback and be ready for it.

And the Doctor had just made a huge mistake.

The Doctor decided to get an afternoon snack. He was bored and hungry—the perfect snacking equation.

Rory and Amy were playing Scrabble in the game room when it happened. It was Thursday so they had decided to stay in the TARDIS—the Doctor _hates _Thursdays. Rory looked down at his letters and scowled at his multitude of vowels. How in the hell was he supposed to make a word with three—

"_AYIEEEEE!_"

The Ponds looked at each other wide-eyed for a moment before rushing towards the Doctor. Three lefts, two rights, another left and a right, up the escalator, through the sliding doors at the end of the hall and they were in the kitchen. They found the Doctor staring into the open fridge in abject horror.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" Amy looked around the massive kitchen warily, waiting for something to pop out and shout "BOO!"

"Everything!" the Doctor wailed. "_Everything _is wrong! And it's all _Rory's fault!_"

Rory started to laugh. So he'd found it then!

Amy groaned. "_What _did the stupid-head do then?"

The Doctor glowered at Mr. Pond and pulled out a bowl, showing the couple. "Look at is!" he cried. "Now I'll have to go hungry. _Chocolate_ _custard_?! I can't eat fish fingers and _chocolate _custard! That's disgusting! Rory ruined it, _all _of it. All seven bowls of my custard have been turned chocolate by this...this…_menace!_" The Doctor pointed an accusing finger at Rory and took a deep breath. "You will rue this day, Rory "The Irritating" Balthazar Pond III. _Rue it!_"

While the Doctor ranted and her husband guffawed, Amy sat down on the counter and rolled her eyes.

Amateurs.


	11. The Silents

**Hey guys! Hope you liked Rory's revenge. They ARE quite the amateurs, aren't they xD **

**Thanks to nekrep for stalking!**

**Not the Doctor- Haha thanks. Glad you liked the Mary-Sue chapter xD I love you too :P *internet hug***

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- hmmm...perhaps... ;)**

**I hope this chapter gets ya'll thinking! And possibly, a bit scared to sleep ;)**

**Review to tell me what you're thinking! Also, if you want to see something in particular, let me know and I'll do what I can! Any parings, story-lines, or monsters! Please no slash though. :) **

* * *

There are certain moments throughout life that people cannot stand. The moment when you go upstairs and forget what you went for. The moment when you read a page of a book and have to re-read it because—for the life of you—you can't remember what you just read. The moment when you're speaking to someone and forget their name. The moment when you forget what you were going to say. The moment when you have to stop and think "wait, what was I just doing?"

People have chalked this up to bad memories, or distractions. There are conspiracy theorists. There are even people who believe that God is playing Sims 3 with us and just deleted our action.

These people are wrong.

The truth is, there is something out there far worse than a gaming God, worse than conspiracy, worse than short-term memory loss.

There's something far more frightening than the monster in your closet, scarier than the boogeyman under your bed, much more terrifying than the beast that chases you down the hall in the dark as you sprint from the bathroom back to the safety of your bed at 2am.

The Silence. Or rather—the leaders of this organization—the Silents.

This species are terrifying. Tall humanoids, around seven feet, with bulbous heads and grey faces without mouths. Four large fingers grace their hands and they have small eyes sunken into their skulls. Though they dress like humans in their suits and ties, they sound nothing like them. They make growling and clicking noises, but also speak in low, guttural voices. But their appearance isn't their scariest aspect.

The Silents are "memory-proof" meaning that anyone who sees them forgets about them the instant that person looks away. The same goes for pictures and recordings. Because of this, these creatures have remained on earth since the early Stone Age. If that's not bad enough, the Silents also influence the actions of others using a sort of post-hypnotic suggestion.

Forgetting what you were going to do, what you read, or even feeling like you're being watched but don't see anyone when you turn around. It's not a poor memory. It's not paranoia. The Silents are there. Leading you, feeding you thoughts and ideas.

They're watching you.

I've done my best to warn you, but in a minute, you won't remember a word I've said.

Good luck.

...

...

...

I was going to write something, wasn't I? Oh, right!

There are certain moments throughout life that people cannot stand. The moment when you go upstairs and forget what you went for. The moment when you…


	12. Badger

**Okay guys! So this is another speech only thing. Something stupid and completely random that popped into my head today at work.**

**Thanks to doctorwhoizcool, keria1123, and ASdfGARDIAN for favoriting, and thanks ****keria1123, and ASdfGARDIAN for stalking! *hugs***

******DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- thanks! The hashtag makes it even cooler ;)**

******TheSwanWriter- Mwahahaha! I have created another shipper! Oh, and by the way (in case you didn't know) the italicized speech were actual lines from their dying scene :( It was super sad when that happened, and SO not fair. You really should! And hehehe perhaps she will... :P Yeah I miss David too, but I think Matt is a good Doctor. I like how he makes it his own! And I suppose that it is :P (DON'T BLINK!) *evil grin* I try ;) thanks**

******wikaholic- haha yeah, I thought that would be something that the Doctor would get upset over xD **

******As always, tell me what you think in the reviews! And leave me something you'd like to see. Seriously. I'm running out of ideas here!**

* * *

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Rose?"

"…Why is there a badger in this room?"

"Well, Rose, that badger was a gift from King Henry VIII after his fourth marriage was annulled. Oh, Ms. Anne of Cleves—lovely woman, a bit snippy for my liking, but still. Anyways, Henry and I were after a rogue Torchwood agent who was using aliens for evil. He was taking their life energy and converting it into the ultimate super weapon. We stopped him, of course, and afterwards, Henry was extremely grateful for my assistance. _Well_, actually, _he _assisted _me _but I let him think otherwise—couldn't have him angry with me, could I. That wouldn't have ended well. So! Henry thanked me profusely and gave me his pet Badger; Charles von Trapp, Duke of Manchester. I call him Charlie!"

"…"

"What now?"

"You don't know how it got there, do you."

"Haven't a clue. Probably something my next regeneration left behind—oh, I hope he's ginger!"

"But—"

"Oh, could you get Charlie out of the TARDIS please? Thanks."

"Doctor, _wait_! …Fine. I'll just kick a badger out of a spaceship then. Right. _That _will end well. Come on, get out!"

"Hissssss!"

"Yikes! Actually, you can stay in there. _DOCTOR!_"


	13. Badger Part 2

**Hey, ya'll! So, here is Badger Part 2!**

**Thanks to Victoria's World for stalking!**

**Cjabbott98- yeah I did! That's actually where I got the idea from! Lol thanks, glad you like them!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- haha thanks!**

**wikaholic- yeah, only him xD But...as we will find out in Badger Part 3: Return of the Badger, he doesn't exactly OWN the badger xD**

**TheSwanWriter- haha thanks xD So do I! And wow, really? I'm glad you chose mine!**

**Leave me suggestions in the comments!**

* * *

"Hey, Doctor, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"_RORYYYYYYY! She's having an emotion!_"

"_Doctor!_ Seriously? Besides, he's not here right now!"

"…Fine…what is it, Pond?"

"Um…I was walking around the TARDIS today, exploring, ya know? I found something…kind of weird…"

"I swear, Amy, that disco-globe isn't mine. I'm just…I'm just holding it for a friend…"

"What are you talking about?"

"What are _you _talking about?"

"I'm talking about the bloody _badger _in that room!"

"Oh _that_! It's not actually a badger! That is prince Hijibway of the Nartu-Deetu tribe. I helped him and his people one time in the forty-second century on Sabway 7. They were attacked by the snake people of Dasteny 43. After I explained the logistics of celebrating peace and hospitality…they attacked us. So the prince and I ran onto the TARDIS to escape. I completely forgot he was here!"

"…Liar."

"_What?! _How _dare _you insinuate that I'm bending the truth?!"

"…"

"I _cannot _believe the audacity that you must—Oh hi, Rory."

"Why is there a badger?"

"I have no idea."

"I _knew _you were lying!"

"Yeah, well Amy, good luck getting rid of it! Ta!"

"Rory, get rid of the badger!"

"But—"

"Thanks!"

"…Okay…Hi there, Mr. Badger."

"Hissss!"

"Good talk. Bye!"


	14. Badger Part 3: Return of the Badger

**Alrighty guys, so this is the final part of the Badger story! For all of you Supernatural fans, there's a TINY bit of a crossover.**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- Haha thanks, but sorry, no River here xD**

**Velvetpru'd- Yes, but you shouldn't shoo his puppet either xD And I just HAD to have Rory talking to the badger. xD**

**wikaholic- haha sorry, but hopefully this will explain it better.**

**Victoria's World- Sweden? Cool! I'm glad you like them so much! I kind of like the dialogue ones too, but I can only think of so many subjects to do them on! And don't worry. Stalkers are welcomed here! Thank you SOOO much!**

**So here we are. Badger Part 3: Return of the Badger.**

**Please leave me a suggestion of something you want to see. I will make it! I promise!* I'm running out of ideas here!**

***So long as I won't get flagged for doing so ;)**

* * *

The Doctor, Amy, and Rory stood up, brushed themselves off, and rubbed on a few sore spots after a particularly rough landing. They were on Earth, 2012 Vancouver to be specific. As they walked around, exploring, the Doctor bumped into a short man with shaggy, dirty-blonde hair. He was dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt and frowned up at the Doctor. "Watch it, Buck-o!" he bristled.

The Doctor soon became flustered. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there. It was completely my fault and—hang on." He sniffed the air and the man took a step back, eyeing the Time Lord suspiciously.

The man turned to Amy and Rory. "What's _his _problem?" he jerked a thumb at the Doctor. Before the couple could reply that they were just as lost as he was, the Doctor whipped his screwdriver out of his jacket pocket and scanned the man.

"Aha!" he cried, reading his findings. "I _knew _something wasn't right!" His eyes twinkled as he gazed down at the man. "You're not human!"

"What?!" the man sputtered, "You're nuts!"

"No, no I'm not! _You_,sir, aren't human! But for some reason, my sonic and I can't figure out _what _you are!"

"Your what?"

"So what is it then, hmm? Slitheen?"

"What?"

"Part of the Bylantium Tribe?"

"The who?"

"Plytherene?"

"Listen—"

"S!nt?"

"Would you—"

"Omeglette?"

"_Would you quit badgering me?!_"

"Aww, come on," the Doctor whined, "just tell me what you are and I'll leave you alone."

The man glared at the Doctor who was bouncing on his heels in amusement. He sneered at the Time Lord—who just _couldn't _leave him alone—before an impish grin spread across his face. He snapped his fingers and Amy and Rory gasped.

The Doctor had been transformed into a badger.

"I _told _him to quit badgering me," the man chuckled at his joke. The Doctor glared. He yelled at the man to turn him back _this bloody instant_, but all that came out were a few hisses and snarls. Right, badgers couldn't speak English. The man winked at the Doctor.

Amy marched up to him angrily. "What the hell are you? Turn him back!" The Doctor nodded in agreement.

The man smirked, "Name's Loki, sweet-cheeks." The Doctor felt his hackles rise. Loki?! This wouldn't end well!

Rory piped up from behind his wife, "As in the god?"

"Bingo! Don't worry, your friend will be back to normal in a few weeks."

"A few _weeks_?!"

"…Probably." With another snap of his fingers, Loki was gone. The Doctor released a string of badger curses. He squeaked indigently when Amy scooped him up into her arms.

"Right, you," she said, patting the Doctor's head, "into the TARDIS. You're going to stay there until this wears off." She plopped him down into a room and looked up at the ceiling before speaking to the TARDIS, "Keep him occupied, would you? Make sure he's got everything he needs." She looked back at the Doctor and chuckled. "Rory and I will be back in a bit. We're going on another honeymoon!"

The Doctor yelled at her to get back here this instant or there will be consequences, oh yes consequences, but she ignored his snarls as she skipped off, shutting the door behind him. The Doctor harrumphed and sat back on his haunches. He looked around the room he was stuck in and realized something important. This room had no time-barriers—that is, it, and the contents within it, could appear at any time, in any part of the TARDIS.

'_Well,'_ he thought bitterly, _'at least this explains why there was always a badger on Sexy.'_


	15. Home

**Alright guys, this one's really short! Sorry, but I hope it works for you! This is for Hell5Heaven who wanted to see more Jack!**

**Big hug to biomechanical who is now stalking this story!**

**wikaholic- haha thanks! glad you like it!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- yeah...probably...**

**Hell5Heaven- haha thanks xD all those innuendos did what I hoped they would xD *bows* thanks for the complement! Yeah, I'm not sure who would get more crazy. Fanboys or fangirls...hmm...something to ponder i suppose. And hey man, be loud, be proud. And sorry, but I've got to vary them a bit :P But I come back with more upbeat ones! Yep! I thought Rory would be a girly screamer! I can so picture it! Also, your wish is my command ;)**

**biomechanical- thanks! I'm glad you like them! **

**Cjabbott98- haha yeah, the Doctor WOULD go and do something like get turned into a badger by a god. I can see it. SEASON 8 RIGHT HERE, MOFFAT!**

**TheSwanWriter- Yeah he deserves a break...but...no. It's too fun :P Season 6? Almost ready for october! haha yay supernatural!**

**Thanks for all the feedback guys! I love you all! *hugs* Let me know what you think of this chapter in the reviews and leave any ideas of what you'd like to see! Hopefully this one isn't too sad :/ cause I'm aiming for a kind of happy/sad combo!**

* * *

Captain Jack Harkness: Time agent from the 51st century, con man, companion to the Doctor, leader of Torchwood Three, shagged anything good-looking enough, savior of the universe. These were only a few of many things he did and was throughout his immortality. Though he couldn't die, he still aged. And, after a few billion years, he was simply a giant head in a jar.

Captain Jack was the Face of Boe. And the Face of Boe was dying. He'd had an extremely long life—both human and as a head. He had fallen pregnant with Boemina in the year 200,000. He was the sponsor of an event to safely watch the end of the Earth in the year 5.5/Apple/26. He saved the city of New New York in the year 5,000,000,053.

When he told the Doctor that he wasn't alone, Jack smiled. He realized that he was never alone either. Even when things were bleak, when it felt like he couldn't take any more, when there was no one around, he was never alone.

Because Captain Jack Harkness, also known as the Face of Boe, hadn't broken his promise. He never _did _forget.

So when he finally died, he smiled and thought one thing.

'_Home, Ianto, I'm finally coming home.'_


	16. Amy's Turn

**Well hi there interweb!**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- *hands box of tissues***

**Wikaholic- thanks!**

**Victoria's World- Thanks! I always thought that Jack/Face of Boe would be thinking something along those lines when he died. *sniff* poor Ianto and Jack!**

**TheSwanWriter- Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! Even the immortal will die in the end...that made more sense in my head...**

**So, as of this moment, I'm out of ideas for drabbles/ficlets. Please leave me an idea or a pairing in the reviews! I'll make it happen!**

* * *

"Doctor! Rory! Could you come here for a second?"

Rory and the Doctor quickly ended their game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Time Lord, Dalek and made their way into the kitchen. Amy was standing by a large pot. The boys sniffed the air and tried to keep from drooling—whatever Amy was making, it smelled _delicious_. "What is it, Amy?" Rory asked.

Amy smiled. "Well, I'm making soup and was wondering if the two of you could try it and tell me what you think." Rory and the Doctor shared an excited look before nodding vigorously. Amy smirked and handed them each a spoonful. They moaned appreciatively when they tried it.

"Diff iff foo goooo!" the Doctor mumbled around his spoon.

"Mmmm hmmm," Rory agreed.

They went to get another spoonful before widening their eyes comically. Neither of them could remove the spoon from their mouths or hands. After a few moments of panicking, they turned to Amy who was grinning impishly. "What's wrong, boys?" she asked, a little _too _innocently.

Rory and the Doctor glared at the red-head. _She _had done this to them! The Doctor reached into his jacket pocket with his free hand and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. He frowned when it did nothing to free them.

Holding up a small bottle of superglue, Amy read the ingredients. "Oh my," she pretended to be upset; "it says here that this glue is 90% recycled wood pulp! Oh, and your screwdriver doesn't do wood, does it?" She laughed evilly before moving in close to glare at her boys. "Listen up, stupid-heads." The Doctor and Rory shrank back from her anger. "I'm sick of your pathetic attempts at pranks. It's going to stop. _Now_."

The Doctor and Rory looked at each other before glaring defiantly back at Amy. "What if we don't?" their expressions said. Amy quirked up an eyebrow. "If you don't stop, or if you try to get back at me in any way," her face darkened and the boys felt a quick shiver of fear go through them, "I _will_ come back with worse."

She shrugged and started to exit the kitchen before turning to face them one last time. "Oh, and something to think about—out of my top ten pranks," she grinned maliciously, "this one doesn't even come _close_."

Rory and the Doctor gulped as she left. Fine, they decided, no more pranks. But there was one thing they needed to figure out.

How the hell were they supposed to get the glue off?


	17. Bowties

**Yay! Thank you everyone who reviewed for feeding the plot bunnies! I will write something for each and every one of your suggestions! Also, big hug to XMoonButterflyX for favoriting the story!**

**This is for wickaholic! Hope you like it!**

* * *

After traversing the galaxy to find his kidnapped companions for the umpteenth time, the Doctor decided he needed a holiday. So, after dropping the Ponds off at home, he skipped over to the console and flipped the "Random" button. He held on tight and shouted his trademark "_Geronimo!_" as the TARDIS took off. Upon landing, he practically sprinted for the doors in excitement, not bothering to check the monitor—though, looking back; a quick glance at the monitor would have saved him a lot of grief. "Alright, Sexy," he called out to the TARDIS, "I'll see you in a bit! Stay put!" The Doctor skipped off before his ship could rumble a warning.

The Doctor found himself in a small village. Purple humanoids walked through the streets and—"Oh a shop!" The Doctor clapped his hands together. "I _love _a little shop!" Strolling towards it with his hands in his pockets, he failed to notice the villagers' gasps, horrified looks, and shielding of children's eyes.

"Halt!"

The Doctor spun around to see three policemen pointing guns at him. He sighed. Why did everyone _insist _on guns? "Yes? Is there a problem, officers?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Sir," the policeman on the right walked up to him, "put your hands, tentacles, or other arm-like appendages in the air."

"What?! But," the Doctor sputtered as he complied, "but what did I _do_?"

After a brief scan done by the center officer, the three shared a look. The officer on the right turned back to the Doctor and put away his gun. "Apologies, sir, it appears this is your first visit to S!ntlbot 43. Unfortunately, all forms of neck-pants are forbidden. I'll have to confiscate yours."

The Doctor's confusion remained for a moment before turning to bewilderment. "You mean my _bowtie_?!" The officer nodded. How could they ask him to do such a thing?! It was insanity! "But—but bowties are _cool_!"

"Sir, if you do not comply, we will have to take you into custody."

The Doctor quickly thought through his options. Finally, he undid his bowtie and handed it over to them, pouting. He felt so…so _naked _without it! He strode quickly back to the TARDIS, deciding that this planet was no fun anymore. Once they were deep in space, the Doctor did the mature thing for a situation such as this.

He sulked.


	18. The Ood

**Hey there folks! So, this one is kind of short. I hope you like it though. It's for TheSwanWriter who requested the Ood. (And yes, Amy is the QUEEN of pranks!)**

**wickaholic- thanks so much! And yeah, I might just have to PM you about that... o.O**

**Victoria's World- So do I! He can be a real BAMF at times, but when he's like a kid, it's hilarious! Thanks so much!**

**So yeah, the Ood. Let me know what you think and tell me anything you'd like to see be turned into a story! Yay!**

***Up next, the Master!**

* * *

The Ood. A humanoid species that have coleoid tentacles on the lower parts of their faces. They communicate through telepathy due to their lack of vocal cords. They have long lifespans and two brains—a forebrain in the head and a secondary hindbrain connected by a cord-like connection to their faces that they usually held in their hands. The two brains, however, do not share the same purpose.

The forebrain did most of the thinking. It stored their telepathic sensors. The hindbrain processed memory and emotions. Though the Ood can survive without the later, it can lead to mental instabilities.

This explains why, once the Ood's hindbrains were replaced with a telepathy ball, they were content with being slaves. But slavery is not what the Ood were made for.

If you were to ever visit the Ood Sphere, you would be ashamed of humankind. Of what humans did to the Ood. Of what humans forced the Ood to do. Because an Ood isn't made for slavery. It's not made for the purpose of "assisting" people with their mundane daily activities.

Ood are made for singing.

I hope you get the chance to visit the Ood Sphere someday. I hope you get the chance to hear the songs of the Ood. It is truly something that will stay with you forever. The singing of the Ood is the single most hauntingly beautiful thing you will ever hear. So remember what mankind did to the Ood. Remember the trials they have faced. Remember their song of freedom.

And don't forget to bring your tissues.


	19. The Master

**Hey guys! So, this is a story about the Master (I think it's better than the Ood). It was also requested by TheSwanWriter.**

**Thanks to sophie-blackwidow who is stalking me, and Anonymous Lizard for favoriting me and this story! *hugs***

**Geneivere StarryEyes- haha glad you liked the first chapter!**

**Anonymous Lizard- haha I try ;)**

**wickaholic- thank you so much :)**

**TheSwanWriter- aww shucks *blushes* thanks so much! I feel the same way, we should have seen more Ood :P**

**Like always, review to let me know what you think! I take requests!**

* * *

The Master hadn't always been evil. He hadn't always been angry. He hadn't always been the Doctor's enemy. Growing up on Gallifrey, in the House of Oakdown, the Master went by his original name; Koschei.

Koschei and the Doctor had been the best of friends. They would play in the fields near Koschei's father's estates, with pastures of red grass near Mount Perdition. Some nights, they would sneak out of the Capitol and drink with the Shobogans. Things between the Koschei and the Doctor were great.

Until they turned eight.

You see, most Gallifreyans who became Time Lords were taken for initiation when they were eight. They had to gaze into the Time Vortex through the Untempered Schism. Some would run—like the Doctor. Some would go mad—like Koschei. His madness manifested as the constant drumming he heard forever after, worsening with time.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

When the Doctor and Koschei went to the Academy, they joined a clique called the Deca—a group of ten young and rebellious Gallifreyans that represented the top rank of students in their class. They travelled into Gallifrey's past in search of Vlademar. However, they found nothing of the Old Ones except for warnings.

The two best friends later had a falling out when Koschei broke his word. That was when he decided to become the Master. It was perfect—he loved power, while the Doctor loved to help people.

When the Doctor fled Gallifrey, the Master followed. So did the drums.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

After facing the Doctor more times than he could count, the Master felt an incredible hatred for his former friend. He was filled with so much hate, that when he was shot by his wife, he refused to regenerate—he _would _have one final victory over the Doctor.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

However, his victory was short lived when his disciples resurrected him. He remembered his vendetta against the Doctor and formed a plan. By rewriting the Immortality Gate to change all humans into his image, he had total control over the Earth. He brought the ones the Doctor feared the most back into the Universe—the Time Lords themselves.

Tum-tum-ta-tum.

When he did this, something he hadn't expected happened. He learned that the Lord President had _put _the drums into his head. Rassilon had purposefully thrust the Master into madness as a link to later free the Time Lords from the time-lock imposed upon them.

Tum-tum-ta-_tum_.

For the first time in a long time, the Master stopped to think. Rassilon had played him.

Tum-tum-ta-_tum_.

Rassilon had caused him to betray his best friend.

Tum-tum-ta-_tum_.

The Master had hated the _wrong man_.

Tum-tum-ta-_tum!_

Giving the Doctor one final, apologetic glance—a glance that said more than "sorry," a glance that showed the Doctor everything he was sorry _for_—and used the last of his life-force to disable the President and the Time Lords.

Tum-tum-ta-_tum!_

The Master, Gallifrey, and the Time Lords were thrust back to the Last Great Time War, but the Master finally felt happy. He finally felt free. He remembered playing in the red grass with his best friend. He remembered all the good times they had. He disposed of "the Master," once again becoming Koschei.

And at long last, the drumming was gone.


	20. Mezza

**This is an EXTREMELY GOOFY STORY! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! CAPITAL LETTERS! **

**Okay, so this is for Mrs Doctor who wanted to see River and Jack meet with the Doctor there, but not an uptight Doctor. It was kind of a large order to fill, but I think I've got it!**

**Thanks to rainswings who did everything BUT review! *pouts* how come you didn't review?! I'll expect that of you next time! *waggles finger at you***

**Wickaholic- thanks! It's what I aim for!**

**TheSwanWriter- Me too, except, not the in love thing... thank you very much, but at least he died in a somewhat heroic way!**

**Please review and leave me a suggestion! I've got one more suggestion to go after this one, and if the bunnies are quiet, well...yeah.**

* * *

River couldn't believe her luck. She had convinced the Doctor to bring her to Mezza, the highest-acclaimed bar in the entire Bohemian galaxy. You could only get in if you knew somebody! After a bit of pleading and—though the Doctor would never admit—reverse psychology, they were on their way. Once they arrived, the Doctor simply flashed the bouncer—a large, orange blob creature with seven eyes—his physic paper and they were in.

"Why are we here again?" River rolled her eyes.

"Because, sweetie," she explained patiently, similar to the way one would answer the continuous question of "why?" asked by a two-year-old, "you promised, and I wanted to do something _fun_ for a change."

The Doctor put his hands on his hips. "We have fun!"

Patting his shoulder pleasingly, River smiled. "Yes, but I can only take so many games of Scrabble."

The Doctor huffed and went off to buy them some drinks. While he was gone, an extremely attractive man with dark hair and a military coat came up to her. "Mind if I buy you a drink?" he whispered into her ear, a sly grin on his face.

River chuckled, "Sorry, but I'm with someone."

The man's grin grew impossibly larger. "Well, they can join us if you like." He held out his hand to her. "I'm Captain—"

"Jack!" River and Jack's heads both whipped around to the sound of the Doctor's voice. River repressed the urge to slap her forehead.

Jack scratched the back of his neck, confusion leaking into his features. "Do I know you?" The Doctor staggered over, stumbling a few times, a large, goofy grin plastered across his face. He handed River two glasses—one of which was half empty—and threw his arms around Jack, most of his weight resting on Jack.

"Jacky-Jack-Jack," he slurred, "I haven't seen you in—hic—in forever!" With a wide sweep of his arm, he pointed to River. "Have you—hic—have you—hic—met my _wife_? Professeurer River Song?!" Jack shot River a questioning look.

"Doctor," River asked warily, "what did you order?"

"I dunno." The Doctor shrugged, "The neopod at the bar said it was good so I got it! Can I tell you a secret?" He checked to make sure no one was watching, then leaned in and stage whispered, "It _is _really good!" Then, giggling like a child, the Doctor ran away.

Jack's eyes bugged out from their sockets. "_That's _the Doctor?! He regenerated?" River nodded. "And you're his _wife_?" She nodded again. Jack scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Wow, I missed a _lot_!"

River laughed and shook Jack's hand. "It's good to meet you, Captain," she said winking. She groaned when she realized where the Doctor had run off to—apparently, Mezza had open-mic nights.

After a very loud, very off-key, very _entertaining _performance of "Living on a Prayer," the Doctor sat on the edge of the stage pouting, microphone in hand. "Jack," he shouted, "you wouldn't happen to have a fez, would you? River _zapped _mine!"

That was the night River and Jack discovered that the Doctor _could not _handle his alcohol.


	21. M Squared

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. The bunnies have not been very talkative. But anyways, this is for Donna Tempus Ale who wanted to see Mickey and Martha meeting the 11th Doctor.**

**water wolf 100- yeah, probably a mixture of both. And to have a non-uptight Doctor required his drunkenness. Glad you liked it :P**

**wickaholic- *gets Jack to perform CPR***

**Mrs Doctor- haha no problem :) Thanks a lot!**

**iulik- haha I think there should be an episode where that happens! I'm more of a tired drunk :P**

**TheSwanWriter- Yeah...actually I went to a party the other day. My one friend had a cooler, she was GONE. Like totally wasted. It was quite the sight. And Jack better come back!**

**Thanks to iulik and The TARDIS blue owl for favoriting and stalking the story!**

**Please leave a review guys! I love to hear your feedback! Also, if you have a request, I'll make it happen. I'm currently idea-less, so I don't know when I'll update next.**

* * *

The Doctor wanted a vacation. He was tired of running all the time (though, it was quite good cardio), never resting (not that he needed to very often), and fighting bad guys (even _if _it kept his nickname "The Oncoming Storm" circulating throughout the galaxies).

Alright, so the Doctor was lying to himself. But, Pond wouldn't stop nagging him for a break, so he'd eventually given in.

While Rory and Amy went off to have some "alone time"—the Doctor wondered absentmindedly what they _did _without him—so he went and visited a little shop. He was playing with a few trinkets when a voice behind him made him freeze.

"But, Mickey! The baby's going to be here in a few weeks! We _can't _take a vacation _now_!"

The Doctor spun around quickly, praying to every god he was correct. Clapping his hands together giddily, he ran to the voice, wrapping the woman in a hug. "Martha!" he crowed. Turning, he wrapped his long arms around the man beside her. "And Mickey! Oh, I haven't seen you two in _ages_!" He took a step back and had to refrain from jumping up and down in glee. Finally noticing the strange looks his former companions were giving him, he quirked up an eyebrow. "What?"

Martha was the first to speak. "Uh, do we know you, mate?"

The Doctor laughed. Of course they were confused. He'd regenerated! "Like so," he said, taking off his bowtie. Mickey's confusion grew until Martha leaped forward and hugged the Time Lord. "Doctor!" she cried.

A large grin spread across Mickey's face. "Doctor? How are you….oh. You've regenerated then?" The Doctor nodded happily and Mickey shook his hand. "Well it's good to see you!"

The Doctor gazed over his friends. He grinned to see they were wearing wedding rings. That was when he noticed Martha's stomach. His eyes widened. "Did you swallow a watermelon seed? I didn't think that myth was really true!"

"Doctor?"

"What?"

"Haven't you ever seen a woman pregnant?"

"Oh…"

The Ponds were still away, so the Doctor decided that the trio should get lunch and catch up—hopefully somewhere with fish fingers and custard. He groaned when Mickey asked him the most irritating question.

"Doctor? What's up with the bowtie?"


	22. Hey, I Just Met You

**Hello again, fabulous readers! Can I just say something real quick? **

**HOLY BAJEEZUS! This story has 16 followers, 18 favorites, 91 reviews, and 4821 views! AHHHH! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! *runs in circles flapping arms in excitement***

**Well, now that I got that out of my system...onto business.**

**wickaholic- yeah...the Doctor needs to learn about that. *sits him down, pops in a VCR, gives him movies snack of fish fingers and custard* Haha yeah I thought you might like that ;) and the only problem with that idea is that you would probably end up dying of happiness. No one wants you dead :P**

**Donna Tempus Ale- no problem :) Glad you liked it!**

**TheSwanWriter- touche swan, touche. ;)**

**So here's a bit of randomness that popped into my head just now...don't hate me for it...**

* * *

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe…"

"_RORY!_"

"What did I do now?"

"Hey, I just met yooooou, and this is crazyyyyy, but here's my numberrrrr, so call me maybeee!"

"Rory, you _stupid-_head. _Why _the hell did you leave the radio on that station?!"

"Umm…"

"The Doctor's been singing that same line over and over and _over _for the past _twenty minutes!_"

"…Sorry, Amy."

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my TARDIS, come with me maybe!"

"Oh great, now he's making up his own lyrics."

"Yeah…again, sorry."

"Amy and Rory, listen carefuuuuly, I need fish fingers, and custard maybe!"

"…"

"…"

"River shot my fez, I need another, because, like bowties, a fez would be cool!"

"…"

"We can't kick the Doctor out of his own TARDIS…..can we?"

* * *

***sigh* what am I doing with my life? **

**Please leave a review with any prompts!**


	23. jo bell

**WOW! TWO CHAPTERS AT ONCE?! Alright, so I wasn't planning on it, but this popped into my head just now. I HAD to write it!**

**Thanks to DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 for reviewing, glad you thought it was good! :D**

**Now, no offence to anyone ACCEPT da reel jo bell or whatever the hell her name is now.**

* * *

Hai u guis!11111 its mee!11111 da reel jo bell!11!one

so dis is ma storeee of da dcter (his nam is dyrell!11!) and haow we gut mareed!111111

So, 1 dai I wuz wakin an I saw…..

….

…

…

A BLU BOX! It wuz da turdus! It sad da drkters tirdus nd evriting!11111111one!

The Doctor walked out of his TARDIS, hands on hips. "Hold on, hold on just a minute! What are you doing?!"

I luked at him an frund wit cunfuzn. "im tellen da storeee bout u mareeeing me" i sad

"_What_?!"

Jack followed the Doctor out of the TARDIS and scratched the back of his neck. "Doctor," he said, eyeing the girl warily, "what _is _that thing?"

The Doctor sighed, "I don't know, Jack, but its grammar and spelling are _atrocious!_"

I screemd. "ahhhh!1111 luts kill da gay man!111" den I hit him wit ma pichfork!

"Ow!" cried Jack. He snatched the pitchfork from jo bell's hands and stared at it. "Where the hell did this come from?!"

"u shud die cuz ur gay an dumb." i sad.

Jack barked out a laugh. "Bitch, I'm immortal!" Then, Jack stabbed jo bell with her own randomly-appearing weapon and she fell to the ground. After screaming out a random batch of 1s, she died.

Jack and the Doctor high-fived, clapped each other on the back, and celebrated with a nice cup of tea.

And jo bell never wrote another horrendous story that shamed us and our fandoms to the core again.


	24. Make It Wider

**Hello all! So I wanted to upload this this morning (read: when I got up and wrote it at about 1:30 this afternoon), but I was having internet issues. I'm currently "borrowing" (read: hacking) the neighbour's because Cogeco sucks. Anywho, here's the another "things aren't what they seem" story, and I've got to give credit to Lampito's story "Grumpy Old Men" which gave me inspiration.**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- Same here. That's why I had to make it xD We need to hunt down da reel jo belle and kill her with her own pitchfork...**

**JackDoctor- haha thanks xD I had to do it because it's something I tend to do. Make up new versions...I figured it's something the Doctor would end up doing. Thanks so much! (Note: I had to read "WOWZ BABEZ, lkz omg y thz da must uhmzin striez bout da dktr eva." about three times before I understood what you meant xD Thanks so much for the review :) the fact you liked it enough to quote it makes me super happy!**

**wickaholic- thanks :D you roll ;)**

**Cjabbott98- no it wasn't me :P There's a person on fanfiction called da reel jo belle (or something like that) who writes stories like that. Doctor Who, Harry Potter, etc. She ruins our fandoms with her atrocious spelling, grammar, Mary-Sues, and story lines. Everyone flags her stories, she married her cousin Daryll (the spelling of his name changes every time she writes it), is racist (her profile pic is the KKK), and homophobic. I'm convinced she's the Antichrist. And yeah, Jack killing her brought me tons of satisfaction :D**

**Donna Tempus Ale- yeah I don't think that would go very well ;) thanks :P**

**LittleNerdling- Thanks :D I'm pretty sure she has hoofs for hands, judging by her stories. haha!111111one ) thanks. **

**Phew! So many reviews! It makes me so happy! So, I just checked, this will be chapter 24...there are NINETY-NINE REVIEWS! OMGWTFBBQ! *runs in happy circles* So I've made a decision. I'm going to dedicate the next chapter to my 100th reviewer! **

**Please leave a story prompt for me, I'm low on ideas, and I'll make it happen! Umm...no slash though, please. I've got nothing against it, but it's just not my area of writing :)**

* * *

"Arg! Can't you make it any wider?"

"Doctor, I've been playing with it for the past ten minutes! This is as wide as it gets!"

"Fine. Ugh! I'm not long enough!"

"Don't worry Doctor, loads of people have that problem! Here, use this!"

"Where did you get that?"

"I always come prepared."

Rory had been sitting outside his and Amy's bedroom for the past twenty minutes, listening to this go on. He had heard numerous grunts and screams, the bed squeaking, and, quite frankly, he couldn't take it anymore. How could the Doctor and Amy do this to him?! Finally, he worked up the nerve to storm in through the door, ready to shield his eyes at a moment's notice. What he saw was…confusing to say the least.

"Doctor, Amy, what the hell?"

"Oh…Rory…hey…"

"Rory, I know how this looks, but it's all Amy's fault!"

"What? _My _fault?! Way to throw me to the dogs, Doctor!"

"No seriously guys, what the hell?" The Doctor was crouched on the floor, arm down a vent, while Amy stood up on the bed, looking terrified.

With a dramatic "Aha!" the Doctor pulled his arm out of the vent, something clutched in his hand. He cupped his hands together and crooned at the thing. "Poor little guy, stuck in the ventilation system. Did the mean ginger get you stuck?"

"Ex_cuse me_?!"

"Amy, shush. If you'll both excuse me, I'm bringing poor Phillip back where he belongs."

"Amy," Rory started hesitantly, "was that…a bat?"

"…Yeah…"

"And it was in here…why?"

"I found his bat observatory, it escaped, and chased me back here. Then it got stuck in the vents."

"…right…" Rory decided it was best to stop asking questions and to leave while he still had a chance. He shook his head as he shut the bedroom door behind him, hearing Amy mutter to herself about "that damn bat" and "evil flying mice" and "_Phillip? Seriously?_"


	25. Vashta Nerada

**So, this is a short one that just popped into my head. It is dedicated to The TARDIS blue owl who was my 100th REVIEWER! *confetti, it's a parade!***

**Thanks to Haine Toliver for the favorite!**

**The TARDIS blue owl- CONGRATULATIONS FOR WINNING BUT NOT REALLY CAUSE IT WASN'T EXACTLY A CONTEST BUT STILL! thanks so much :) I'm glad you like it!**

**Cjabbott98- haha thanks. popped into my head, so onto the computer it went :P And they should TOTALLY get rid of her account.**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- ;)**

**Guest (I wonder who this is?!)- haha nope! That was my intent ;)**

**Donna Tempus Ale- haha batty indeed ;) All I did was "wing" it and hope for the best xD**

**TheSwanWriter- yeah buddy, oh snap! Take that jo bell! Yeah...poor Rory...never gets a break, does he?**

**wickaholic- haha the perfect name for a bat! **

**So folks, in total, we have Phillip the Bat and Charlie the Badger.**

**Pass on an animal, a name, or both and I'll turn it into a story!**

* * *

Vashta Nerada.

The name means "the shadows that melt the flesh." Vashta Nerada are microscopic, swarming creatures that live on each and every planet that has meat. Why? They're carnivorous. They were born as microscopic spores in trees, living their lives in forests. Even if the tree was converted into paper, the spores could hatch and form into a swarm in just a few minutes.

Now, on their own, the Vashta Nerada are not much of a threat. Look into a ray of light. See the dust specks? Those are single Vashta Nerada, or at least, small swarms of them. There's no need to fear _them_. But get them into a large swarm—they can strip a creature to bones in seconds.

To get close to their victims, the Vashta Nerada mimic the shadows of their prey. Once you've got an extra shadow, it's too late. Only sonic technology can detect the difference between a swarm of Vashta Nerada and an ordinary shadow. The Vashta Nerada live in darkness, but cast shadows upon entering the light. Have you ever seen a shadow seemingly cast by nothing? Stay away from it. Stay in the light. It's your only chance.

So be prepared. Stay in the light, count the shadows, and choose your books wisely. As you run from the bathroom back to the safety of your bed at two in the morning, God speed, my friend.

God speed.

* * *

**Sleep tight, kiddies.**

**Bwahahahahahahahahaha!**


	26. What Is My Life?

**Just to let everyone know, this is all pure and utter crack. **

**Also, the first four "episodes" are from my story "Don't Touch That" but from now on, any Who Wants To Be A Companion requests will be done in here. I'm making it a separate story.**

**So if you've already read Don't Touch That, you don't have to read the first four chapters of this. However, if you'd like to refresh your memory, go right ahead! ;)**

* * *

Doctor Who theme music is played as stupid_nickel walks into view. Waving, she grins, "Hi, and welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion!' I'm your host, Nickel! Our next contestant is…" a drum roll is heard, "wickaholic!"

Wickaholic runs up to nickel. She starts to bounce up and down in excitement while Nickel raises an eyebrow at her. "Oh my gosh!" Wickaholic squeals. "Oh my _gosh_! Thanks, _thanks_ this is so exciting! _EEEEPPPP_!" The excitement soon becomes too much for her and Wickaholic has a heart attack. Frowning, Nickel checks her pulse.

"Aw man," Nickel complains, throwing her hands up into the air in exasperation, "_another_ one died! Not again!" Sighing, Nickel massages her temples. "Well ladies and gents, let's see if we can bring Wickaholic back to life, shall we! Let's see what's behind CURTAIN NUMBER ONE!"

Nickel gestures towards the first curtain which opens with a flourish. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?!" screams the Dalek that was hiding behind it.

Shaking her head, Nickel chuckles. "Sorry, Dalek, but we all know that trick. Ta!" She waves, winks, and the curtain closes. Breathing a sigh of relief, Nickel turns back to her audience. "Let's see what's behind CURTAIN NUMBER TWO!" Gesturing to the curtain, she waits—the curtain doesn't open. Swearing quietly, she walks up to the curtain, fiddles with the pull-string for a moment, and grins when the curtain finally opens. Standing behind it is the tenth incarnation of the Doctor.

"Hallo!" he says cheerily. "Long time no see, Nickel!" Nickel blushes because, though she _is _the host of the show, she is still quite the fangirl. Looking around with his hands in his pockets, the Doctor's expression turns quizzical. "Did someone need my CPR skills?" he asks, glancing at Wickaholic's still form.

"Nope!" Nickel answers quickly, shaking her head fervently. "No one at the moment! You need to save those lips for later…" Nickel trails off, waggling her eyebrows suggestively at the Doctor.

"Molto Bene!" the Doctor murmurs. He winks at Nickel and, with an "Allons-y!" the curtain closes once again.

Swooning, Nickel fans herself with her hand. She giggles for a moment before clearing her throat. "Alrighty then, last chance," she declares, the music turning serious. "What's behind CURTAIN NUMBER THREE!?"

The curtain opens to reveal none other than Captain Jack Harkness! "Well, hello," he drawls seductively, causing every single girl, and most of the boys, in the audience to swoon. "How's everyone doing today?" He sends a wink out into the audience, turning every single audience member into a pool of fangirl and fanboy jelly.

"Captain." Nickel salutes him and, when he salutes her back, blushes. "It's Wickaholic," Nickel explains, pointing to the body. "She died. Can you resuscitate her?"

Jack shrugs. "Yeah, no problem." He proceeds to give Wickaholic mouth-to-mouth. Gasping, Wickaholic wakes up. However, upon seeing her savior, she promptly dies again. "Oh no you don't!" growls Jack. "We'll keep doing this until you stay alive!" Once again, he gives Wickaholic mouth-to-mouth and, once again, she wakes up, sees him, and dies. This cycle repeats for quite a long time.

Glancing at Jack and Wickaholic, Nickel grins. "Well folks, we should just leave them to it, eh? Join us next time on "Who Wants To Be A Companion!" As the outro music plays, Nickel runs behind curtain number one to join the Doctor. Her silhouette is seen running her fingers through his sex-hair, and only her voice is heard. "Now" she says in a husky voice, "where were we?"

* * *

**So yeah, there's that... *said in an announcer voice* If YOU'D like to appear on "Who Wants To Be A Companion," then Private Message me letting me know! **


	27. Christmas Edition

Nickel smiles and waves as the audience cheers; she is seated on a couch next to a young woman. "Hi! And welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion!'" There is more cheering before Nickel manages to quiet down her audience. "Today on our show, we have a very special guest! Please welcome, Connie!" Connie smiles and blushes as the audience applaud.

"Thanks, Nickel!" she grins. "It's good to be here."

Pulling an envelope out of thin air, Nickel winks. "So, Connie, our show today is pretty simple. I'll ask some questions, you just have to answer them!" she explains. "Our topic today is," there is a drumroll as she pulls the topic out of the envelope, "A Doctor Who Christmas!"

Nickel's smile turns into a glare as a random man in the audience shouts out, "It's _August!_" Without looking at them, Nickel pulls a throwing knife out of her pocket and tosses it in his direction. The knife lodges itself into the man's chest and he dies immediately.

Once again, Nickel smiles at Connie. "Are you ready, Connie?" she asks.

Connie's eyes dart in horror from Nickel to the deceased audience member. She gulps and stutters out, "Allons-y!" hoping she won't be the next to die.

Nickel shuffles through her notes. "First question! Would you rather go sleigh riding with a Dalek, or make snow-angels with an Ood?"

Taking a minute to think, Connie scratches her chin. "Snow-angels with an Ood," she eventually decides.

Unbeknownst to Connie, there were two Daleks in the audience. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE A-GAINST DAL-EKS?!" the first screeches. "EX-PLAIN! EX-_PLAIN!_"

"SHE DISHONORS OUR MIGHT!" rumbles the second, it's voice much lower. "WE'RE LEA-VING!" They leave in a huff, hoping to make a scene. Unfortunately for them, no one really cares about the Daleks' hurt feelings and the questions continue.

"Would you rather find a sonic screwdriver in your stocking or a TARDIS under your Christmas tree?"

"Sonic screwdriver. I mean, come on," Connie holds up normal screwdriver and points to it, "look at this thing! It's pathetic!"

Nickel nods sadly. "Yes, yes it is. Next question: would you rather eat fish fingers and custard or a traditional turkey dinner?"

Laughing, Connie pulls fish fingers and custard out of her bag. "Do you even have to ask?" She scoops up a large amount of custard onto the fish, takes a large bite and smiles.

Nodding thoughtfully, Nickel looks at another cue card. "Touché. Would you rather find yourself under the mistletoe with a Weeping Angel, or the Silence?" She waits a moment, but Connie doesn't reply. Turning to look at her contestant, Nickel sees her staring at nothing. She snaps her fingers in front of Connie's face. "Connie?" she asks.

Connie turns to face Nickel slowly, tally-marks on her arms and face. "Huh?"

Clearing her throat, and trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her guy, Nickel repeats the question. "Would you rather find yourself under the mistletoe with a Weeping Angel or the Silence?!" Once again, Connie stares off into space. This time, Nickel claps her hands loudly together, "Connie!"

Connie turns to face Nickel, even more tally-marks on her skin. "Sorry, what was the question?"

Nickel stares for a moment, trying to understand what just happened. "Uh," she replies intelligently, "we're just going to move on…ah, yes. Would you rather ride with Santa in his sleigh, or the Doctor in his TARDIS?" she asks once she finds the right question.

Grinning like a madman, Connie laughs. "I'd have to say San—"

With a shout, she is cut off as a second Connie falls from the sky. The new Connie is wearing a winter coat, scarf, gloves, sunglasses, and a Santa hat. In her hands is a mop. Nickel glares at the newcomer, angry at her for interrupting her show. "Who are you?!" she demands.

The new Connie takes off her sunglasses and rolls her eyes. "I'm Jerry Springer," she scoffs. When the second Connie turns to the original Connie, Nickel sticks her tongue out in a very mature fashion. "Choose the Doctor!" the new Connie orders the first.

"What?" original Connie asks. "Why?"

The second Connie sighs. "Trust me! I'm you from the _future_! I'm not even supposed to _be_ here! And the longer I stay, the bigger the paradox I'm creating becomes! I _had_ to warn you, though! You _have_ to choose the _Doctor_! The future depends on it!"

Holding her hands up in surrender, Connie rolls her eyes. "Okay! Jeez!" Satisfied, the future Connie nods, puts on her sunglasses, and jumps into the air, disappearing. Connie turns to Nickel. "I choose the Doctor!" she states.

Nickel can only stare slack-jawed. "Uh…what just…right…" She flips through her notes nervously, wanting to get back to a normal show. "Okay…would you rather spend Christmas at home with Amy and Rory, or travelling with the Doctor?"

Connie holds up packed suitcase for all to see. "Travelling!" she says in a sing-song voice.

"Would you rather see Santa slide down that chimney, or the Doctor land in your yard?" Nickel grins; she knew Connie would have a difficult time answering _this_ question.

As predicted, Connie's eyebrows scrunch together in concentration. "Oooh…that's a tough one…hmm…" Connie's eyes widen as the sound of a materializing TARDIS reaches her ears from back stage. "I GOTTA GO!" she shouts, grabbing her suitcase and sprinting back stage. "DOCTOR! WAIT FOR MEEEEE!"

Nickel is at a loss for words for a minute. Scratching the back of her neck, she turns to the camera. "Well…..our guest…left…so I guess that's the end of our show! Tune in next time when we see who is the sexiest: Captain Jack Harkness, the 11th Doctor, or our surprise guest! Just remember, don't blink and stay ginger! Bye!"

* * *

**Oh hi! Leave me a request via PM and it shall be done (but please no slash. Though I have nothing against it, it's just not my thing to write)! Also, leave me a review and I'll love you forever! **


	28. Anniversary

**This is a random thing that popped into my head while writing one of my other stories, "The Girl Left Behind." It might make a bit more sense if you're reading that too, but it also stands on it's own.**

**Cjabbott98- I'm confused as to what I'm being thanked for! For that chapter? For working on your request? Either way, I'll take it.**

**TheSwanWriter- haha I wrote it in the Dalek voice...if that makes ANY sense whatsoever... the weird thing is...fish fingers and custard actually tastes alright...weird, I know...and oooohhh brainy specs!**

**iulik- BREATHE BREATHE MAN! thanks xD And I'll see what I can do!**

**Connie- no worries! and haha yeah, how DARE you?! :P thanks so much :)**

**For anyone who was wondering, that last chapter was inspired by a video I made. The previous Doctor Who Christmas special had a contest where people could answer those questions in a video and possibly end up on a special thing :P so yeah.**

* * *

The Doctor wanted to do something _nice _for River, seeing as it was their anniversary. He could knit, but he didn't think she would appreciate a new hat. He thought about taking her for a trip, but knew exactly where she would want to go, and there was absolutely no way their first anniversary would also be their last. He considered buying something, but didn't have any money.

Thus, the Doctor was currently in the kitchen, wearing a pink, frilly apron, up to his elbows in pie dough.

He had decided on a simple, Earth-style dinner; a few nice steaks, mashed potatoes, and green beans and, for dessert, pie. He wasn't sure what kind of pie River liked best, though, so he was making them all!

The steaks were marinating, the beans could wait until later, and the seventeenth pie (chocolate custard!) was in the oven. The Doctor decided to start on the potatoes. He started to peel them and everything was going well. Well, until he got to a particularly _stubborn_ potato that wouldn't peel no matter how hard he tried. "Come _on_," he gritted his teeth, "work with me here!" When it still wouldn't peel, the Doctor brought out the big guns.

Pulling his sonic out of his pocket, the Doctor aimed it at the stress-inducing starch and smiled when the light on the end turned green.

The potatoes exploded.

Well…he hadn't meant for _that _to happen. Bits of blown-up potato covered each and every surface in the kitchen; the counter top, the oven, the fridge, and the Doctor himself. The Doctor wiped potato from his face and groaned for two reasons.

One, now he was going to have to clean all this up.

Two, the potato he had attempted to sonic was still in his hand. Unaffected by the sonic.

Shouting in anger, the Doctor marched to the doors of his TARDIS and threw the potato as hard as he could out into the Time Vortex.

"And _stay out_!"

Washing his hands of the potato, the Doctor returned to the kitchen, determined to clean up before River got back.

_Meanwhile, in Cardiff…_

"Jack, come take a look at this!" Something well…_strange_ had just fallen through the Rift. She wasn't sure what.

Jack Harkness sauntered over and examined the object. "I can't make heads or tails of this," he sighed. Scratching his chin thoughtfully, he placed the object into his pocket. "We'll bring this back to Torchwood. Next time I see the Doctor, I'll ask him about it."


	29. SexyOff

***head desk* sometimes I really hate the damn plot bunnies. Not enough to get rid of them...just enough to wonder what exactly it is I've just written. *sigh* Oh well. This is for Cjabbott98.**

**Huge thanks to Alyksandra Howling who has dubbed both this story and ME her favorite thing to stalk! Yay stalking!**

**Cjabbott98- haha no worries, it happens :P yes, he found the potato. The potato has been turned sonic. It proves quite confusing :P Yeah, it actually ties in to my other story, "The Girl Left Behind," but still, it stands alone :P This is for you ;)**

**Donna Tempus Alena- I shall do my best to remember to type it in full :) Thanks. And yes, they definitely ask him for his help in examining it xD**

**wickaholic- ...I have no idea what just happened...but thanks...I think... xD No worries, man, I find myself saying "eh" a lot...and "mate"...and "oi!" I'm a bunch of stereotypes at once!**

**TheSwanWriter- Yeah...not that I've actually TRIED it...*shifty eyes* *innocent whistling* Nice guess, but it really WAS just a stubborn potato :P They really are a good paring, aren't they?**

**Oh, random fact. If anyone is wondering, I will NOT be making anymore jo belle chapters as the one I did was physically painful to write. I think I lost a few brain cells in the process as well...**

**So yeah, here's for Cjabbott98!**

* * *

_Backstage of the Who Wants To Be A Companion Set…_

"I'm the sexiest!"

"No, _I _am!"

"I DIS-AGREE!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

"Please! You're about as sexy as a Weeping Angel!"

"How _dare _you!? Well….you have the sex appeal of a Silent! As soon as the women leave, they forget all about you!"

"DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR!"

"Oh _ho_! Them's _fightin' _words!"

"Bring it on, Torch_wuss_!"

Cjabbott98 bursts into the room after hearing the 11th Doctor, Jack and a Dalek argue for the past ten minutes. Things had gotten quite heated and she could no longer stand it! How was she supposed to read fanfictions with all the noise?! "Boys, boys," she reprimanded them, "what's all this about?"

"Jack says that _he's _sexier than me!" the Doctor pouted adorably.

Jack straightened his military coat and snapped his suspenders, "That's 'cause I _am_!"

"INCORRECT! DALEKS ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE!" the Dalek protested.

"Are _not!_"

"ARE SO!"

"_Stop it!_" CJ bellowed, her voice reverberating off the walls powerfully. "Now, there's only one way to settle this. We are going to have a sexy-off!" The lights dim and a chair rises out of the floor. CJ sits on it and folds her hands on her lap. "So boys, there are three rounds. Whoever does the best, wins."

"Umm," Jack raised his hand hesitantly.

CJ nods at him, "Yes, Jack?"

"Do you do this often?"

"Shut it, Jack." CJ cleared her throat. "Now then, round number one is the "Sexy Look" round. Each of you give me your sexiest look." Jack gives CJ his adorable, crooked smile and adds in a wink for good measure, the Doctor gives her his "so hot when he's clever" look, and the Dalek…remains a Dalek. CJ scribbles down notes on a pad of paper and smiles.

"Round number two is the "Sexy Pose" round. Have at it boys!" Jack whips out a gun and points it off into the distance, choosing his "action hero" pose. The Doctor whips out his sonic screwdriver and pretends to read some scans, choosing his "confused but intrigued" pose. The Dalek spins around for a moment, thinking, then chooses his "I'm hot when I kill" look…which consists of him remaining a Dalek. Again, CJ writes down notes on each.

"Finally, round number three is the "Sexy Phrase" round." CJ waggles her eyebrows, "Come on, guys, make me swoon with fangirl happiness!" Jack turns to her, grins, and says his heart-melting "Well _hello_ there." The Doctor glares at him, wishing he'd have thought of that first. He eventually chooses to go with the line that creates butterflies in a girl's stomach. "Geronimo," he murmurs, peeking up at CJ through his eyelashes. The Dalek chooses the simple line that _everyone_ loves to hear. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?!" CJ finishes off with a few more notes, and then reads out the totals for all to hear.

"So everyone," she tucks her hair behind her ears and grins, "each round was out of ten points. So, all in all, Jack got 30/30," Jack punches the air, "the Doctor got 30/30," the Doctor claps his hands in glee, "and the Dalek got 5/30." Everyone stares at CJ like she's gone mad. "What?" She shrugs, "I like tea."

The Dalek leaves dejectedly while the Doctor and Jack realize that they tied. Once again, they started to argue over who was the sexiest. CJ jumps between them and grabs them both by the shirt collars. "Guys," she murmurs seductively, "I think you're _both sexy as hell_."

Cjabbot98 then proceeds to make out with both of them and, somewhere in Canada, stupid_nickel once again bashes her head against a desk and wonders what exactly it is she's doing with her life.


	30. Doctor, Donna, and a Horse Named Arthur

**Hola people! Sorry I didn't update earlier, I worked all day yesterday, all day today, and just now got a break! So here's for Donna Tempus Alena who wanted, well, just look at the title!**

**Thanks to TheSpellweaver who favorited me, the story, and is also now _stalking_ the story!**

**iulik- hehe yeah...I probably would have too...**

**Cjabbott98- *bows* well, I aim to please :) Yeah, I'm a big tea buff! LOVE IT! Especially Dalek tea, I've heard it's the best! I'm glad you liked it :) And no, I don't think so ;)**

**wickaholic- well, I tip my hat to you ;) *goes to tip hat, realizes she is hat-less, walks away in shame***

**TheSpellweaver- well, as long as I don't have to clean up the mess... :D**

**TheSwanWriter- Mmmmm...me too! And I'm a server, I'm like a shrink with unlimited alcohol...so long as I can see some ID... ;) Thanks very much, I like writing them in a goofy way, it's super fun xD Nah, that's not bad. But I'm glad they're in the next season! *squees with fangirl excitement* Talking to fictional characters...who, you? maybe me...**

**Alyksandra Howling- haha thanks :) I'm glad I started doing this! It's something I'm really enjoying! I LOLed at your reviews :) And no judgement here, I just started mine. *follows you* and that's totally genius! Oh, also, mine's Reaping101 cause that's the (current) title of a book I'm working on. I'm really glad you think that! Seriously, I'm grinning like an idiot right now!**

**Kirsten- The what? Sorry, I completely forgot what you just said... ;) But I'm sure it was nice, so thanks :) And lol thanks, I got the inspiration from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. I've decided that the rules are: Rock crushes scissors and bashes Dalek. Paper covers rock and (is physic) fails the Time Lord. Scissors cuts paper. Dalek exterminates scissors and paper. Time Lord throws rock out into the Void and foils Dalek.**

**So enjoy all!**

* * *

The Doctor and Donna were on vacation and, to make sure it was _actually_ a vacation this time, Donna gave the Doctor a few rules. Rule number one—no sticking his nose into anyone else's business. Rule number two—the _police _get to deal with possible distress calls. And rule number three—under no circumstances was the Doctor allowed to foil evil plans. _That_ could wait until tomorrow. The Doctor pouted for a while but, in the end, agreed to Donna's guidelines. He had even let Donna choose their vacation destination!

Oh the places she could choose. There was the future, the past, other worlds, hot weather, cold weather, and everywhere in between. Thinking back to stories she heard when she was younger, Donna knew exactly where to go.

"The Kingdom of Camelot!" the Doctor proclaimed, bursting out of the TARDIS's doors. He had made sure to park a decent distance away from prying eyes, what with the ban on anything that was perceived as "magical." Together, they strode into the walls of the city and into town.

Of course, the Doctor immediately went off on his own to do…whatever it was he normally did. Donna decided to do a bit of shopping. The Doctor's physic paper had declared them royalty and people just wanted to _give _her stuff. Who was she to refuse?

About an hour later, Donna's arms were overflowing with her free merchandise. She decided to start walking back to the TARDIS to unload. She was nowhere _near_ done shopping! But, before she was even out of the city, the Doctor came running in her direction.

Towing along a white horse.

While being chased by knights.

"Donna!" he cried, "Run!"

"What the hell did you do _this _time, space-boy?!" she accused, following after him, trying desperately to avoid being run through by arrows and swords. "And why do you have a bloody _horse_?!"

"No time to explain!"

Thankfully, the two made it to the TARDIS, relatively unscathed…the horse was fine too…and in the TARDIS. Donna turned to glare at the Doctor, her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently on the floor. The Doctor found something extremely interesting to stare at on the floor. "Explain," she commanded, "_now_."

The Doctor scratched his neck. "_Well_," he started, "I was in the castle, just wandering around, you know—Camelot, Merlin, Arthur, knights—how could I resist?! Anyways, I ran into a woman. Morgana, her name was Morgana. And then Arthur showed up and Merlin and some knights and Morgana turned him into a horse and I got blamed…so of course I had to run!" the Doctor defended himself.

Donna blinked in surprise. "Wait, so that horse is a _person_?"

"Yup," the Doctor popped the "p."

Why was she not surprised? Donna rolled her eyes. "Who exactly is it?"

"Arthur."

"_You got bloody Prince Arthur turned into a horse_?!" Donna screeched. _That _was not good.

"Well," the Doctor babbled, "technically it's _King_ Arthur…and it wasn't _my _fault!"

God, the man was like a three-year-old! She couldn't leave him alone for five minutes without him getting into trouble. "So what do we do now?"

"Yes, well, you see," the Doctor thought for a minute but, "I don't exactly know."

Donna glowered at him and sighed. "Well isn't that just _wizard_," she groaned. The horse—King Arthur—whinnied, almost as if he agreed with her.


	31. Twelve

**This is for iulik who asked for the Doctor needing CPR from his companions. Also, I really wanted to write this xD**

**Thank you Seiga Niko for favoriting and stalking the story and Frannie the mrawing carb for stalking the story and favoriting both it and me!**

**Frannie the mrawing carb- Thanks! I love you too! And oh my Castiel...YOU ARE A GENIUS! *starts working on story***

**wickaholic- haha nothing wrong with adding to stereotypes in my opinion xD Thanks :)**

**TheSpellweaver- Lol yes, a double-entendre xD**

**Donna Tempus Alena- Haha you said a horse named Arthur, that's what came to mind xD Glad you liked it!**

**Let me know what you think!**

* * *

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…no, hang on…that's Star Wars…umm…well…I could just…

ARG!

The point is it was a long time ago, far away, and in an alternate universe, okay? Can we move on? Thank you.

So, somewhere in an alternate universe, the Doctor was in his twelfth regeneration. Things had gone, well—we'll say _wibbly_—in the process.

"Ahh!" the Doctor shrieked in quite a high-pitched voice. "No, no, no, no, _no!_ This isn't happening, this is _not happening!_" The Doctor was with all of his former companions; Jack, Rose, Mickey, Donna, Martha, Amy, Rory, River, Susan, Zoe, Tegan, Sarah Jane Smith, K9, Romona—all of them—and they all were stifling laughter.

The Doctor assessed his new body while he panicked. He had the basics—arms, legs, hands, fingers, ears, two large green eyes, a small nose, and (slightly pouty) lips. He could feel his new teeth—weird, but straight. His tweed jacket hung loosely off his now small frame, his shoes were now much too big, and he was certainly glad he wore suspenders as his pants threatened to fall at any moment. His main issue dealt with the long, wavy red hair that fell past his shoulders, reaching his brand new curves. Yes, the Doctor was now…a woman. A teenaged girl, around the age of nineteen, to be specific.

"Arg!" he—she—groaned, staring at his—her—reflection in the mirror. "There was always a chance of this happening, but why did it have to happen to _me_?!" she—he?—wailed, tugging at her—his?—hair in frustration.

At this point, stupid_nickel grew confused with which pronouns were now proper for the Doctor. She decided to simply refer to the Doctor as "she" from this point out.

The Doctor spun around to face her companions. "_Look at me_," she cried, gesturing to herself, "I'm a _girl_! I am actually, truly, legitimately a _girl _this time!" Rory couldn't take it anymore. He fell to the ground, rolling on his back, clutching his stomach, and roaring in laughter. Soon, the Doctor's companions followed suit, none of them able to hold back their giggles any longer. "It's not funny," the Doctor pouted, her hands on her hips, "I've got _breasts_! I don't know how you ladies do it, they're _heavy_!"

Jack sat up and eyed the Doctor, as if she was his next meal. "Hey, don't worry, Doc," he grinned suggestively, "I can always help you hold them!" His wink left the Doctor speechless—which wasn't an easy feat—her cheeks turning pink. The Doctor turned back to the mirror and, after a few minutes of wondering _'why her?'_ the stress of the regeneration caught up to her and she passed out.

That certainly got her companions' attention.

"What do we do?" cried Rose.

"Does anyone know CPR?" asked Donna.

"No," wailed Martha.

"What's CPR?" wondered K9.

"I don't," sighed Rory. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?" he asked, uncomfortable with the attention he was getting.

Amy hit the back of his head. "You're a bloody _nurse!_"

Rory hung his head in shame as Jack stepped forward. "Don't worry, everyone," he proclaimed, "I know mouth to mouth!"

Immediately, the Doctor jumped up. "I'm alright!" she cried, "No need for CPR, Jack!" Jack frowned. Damn, he'd been so close! The Doctor looked into the mirror once more and sighed. "Well," she said, "at least I'm finally ginger."


	32. Help Me

**Bonjour mes amies! Big shout-out to .Purple who favorited the story! **

**Alyksandra Howling- what I find funny is that the less-than/greater-than symbols don't work for some reason. So if that was supposed to be a heart, then I less-than three you too :)**

**TheSpellWeaver- Thanks so much! I'm glad that my writing makes people happy! Unless I'm trying to make them sad...in which case, I must not be doing a very good job... lol**

**Seiga Niko- *passes a pair of binoculars* there you are; entry-level stalker edition. Every good stalker needs a good pair of binoculars! And, well I'd call you a genius, but I'm in the room. (see what I did there? If not, then you don't know a good Doctor Who quote when you see one and you should be ashamed!)**

**Donna Tempus Alena- I know, I know, but for that story to turn out how I wanted, I had to make them all a bit...daft (to put it nicely). Lol**

**iulik- Haha yeah, I did the same thing too! Only the Doctor would think that chin-length hair made you a girl! xD I'd always wondered what would have happened if his next regeneration was a girl. There we are! Thanks :)**

**Wickaholic- We might not have kangaroos, but people think we live in igloos, all play hockey, are lumberjacks (which, if we lived in igloos, would be highly implausible), and have pet beavers. Seriously. I'm farther south right now than parts of Michigan. AND HOCKEY ISN'T EVEN OUR NATIONAL SPORT! It's lacrosse, people! NOT hockey! *flashback to a true story* Me and my family were going to visit my aunt in the states. We're at the border while this couple is coming into Canada...with skis on the roof of their van. Us- "oh, going skiing?" Them- "Yup." Us- "Where abouts? (not "A-boots")" Them- "Toronto." Us-"...it's August..." *facepalm***

**So I have something a bit different for you today. I wanted to know what you think of it. I'm thinking about starting another Doctor Who fanfiction, but I don't want to post it until a) it's finished or b) I have a bunch of it done. I've got the first chapter (below) but I wanted to know what you all thought of it. Should I continue with it? Would you WANT to read more and see where I'm going with this? Please be honest and give me any constructive criticism you have in a review or a PM. **

**xXx is a page break, just FYI.**

* * *

Ianto sighed. When would Jack and the others _learn_? You needed to organize the files _before _putting them into the archives! How _else_ was Ianto supposed to find them at a later date? He knew—it was inevitable, really—that _he _would be the one that would have to locate said files when everyone else needed them again. Honestly, sometimes Ianto felt they treated him worse than a bloody _intern_.

Owen was _by far_ the worst! He did everything in his power to make Ianto's job more difficult, whether intentional or not (though, Ianto was leaning towards _intentional_). Owen never cleaned up after himself, he ordered Ianto around, and absolutely _insisted_ on _hand_writing everything in his damnable doctor's scrawl so that Ianto had to find them in the archives, decipher and type them up, and then re-file them!

Strange, how the laziest of the Torchwood team members put so much effort into making Ianto's life a living Hell…

Grumbling to himself, Ianto decided that it was high-time Torchwood Three had digital archives—even if only as a back-up system. Several file folders tucked under his arm, Ianto headed out of the archives, taking it upon himself to create the system. He rolled his eyes; it wasn't as if anyone _else_ would be bothered. _They_ were all too busy hunting down rogue aliens, cracking the codes on alien tech, rounding up stray Weevils, and performing autopsies on God-knows-what. Meanwhile, _Ianto_ simply made the coffee. _Ianto_ pretended to be a worker at a tourist information center. _Ianto_ organized and cleaned.

"_Ianto_ saves everyone's _asses_ on a daily basis," he muttered angrily to no one. He sighed; sometimes he just wished that—

The folders dropped to the floor, papers scattering around and creating a gigantic mess, but Ianto didn't worry about that right now. There had been a loud crash coming from Containment Cell Block A, and he was already off running towards it. Pulling his pistol from his waistband, Ianto flipped off the safety and held it down by his side, slowing to a walk as he neared the cell block—he prepared himself for anything that might happen.

Hearing a shrill, agonized scream coming from one of the cells, however, was not something Ianto had been expecting. Breaking into a sprint, Ianto was outside the door and punching the password into the keypad to open it, milliseconds later. He was floored by the sight he was greeted with.

A Weevil was hunched over, teeth bared, with a bloody hand, prepared to strike once again at a young girl who was lying on the floor, writhing in agony. Her blonde, waist-length curls were splayed around her head, her delicate features twisted in pain, eyes screwed shut, and teeth clenched to hold back another scream. Her back had been arched—probably from a convulsion that had occurred when she was attacked—but now slumped to the floor with a dull _thud_. She wore navy-blue yoga pants, a fitted, pink, sleeveless halter-top, and white flats. Blood covered just about every inch of her body and clothing from where it had sprayed—and now poured steadily—out of the five long, deep, gruesome-looking gashes in her abdomen.

Without a moment's thought, Ianto shot the Weevil thrice in the head, killing it before it could finish off the girl. He quickly tucked away his pistol and knelt by her side, hands hovering over her, not sure how exactly to help.

The girl tried to hold back her tears but, like the blood flowing from her wounds, they poured out of her eyes, streaming down her cheeks. Ianto didn't like the way her breathing was coming in short, ragged gasps. Hell, he didn't like any _part_ of this damned situation! The girl whimpered painfully and Ianto's heart broke. "Oh God, oh God," he spoke rapidly as he decided what he needed to do, "I'm so sorry, but this is going to hurt." She cried out once again and tried to pull away as Ianto applied pressure to her wounds, trying desperately to slow the blood flow. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologized profusely, "but I'm trying to help. I really am! You _need_ to stay still. I'm _so_ sorry!"

The late realization that he needed help had him reaching for his earpiece.

xXx

Owen chuckled to himself; Ianto was going to _hate _him for this! His latest report on Weevil anatomy (he'd discovered some very interesting facts about their teeth; and by interesting, he meant bloody boring as _hell_) was done entirely in pen; a pen that was low on ink. He chuckled darkly at the faded words. However, the _pi__è__ce de r__é__sistance_ was the fact that Owen had written the entire, five-page report in _short-hand_. He laughed to himself gleefully; Ianto was going to have a _field day_!

What Owen found the most humorous was the fact that Ianto actually thought he was _lazy_. Okay…so he _was_ lazy, but come on. Who else would learn short-hand _just_ to bother Ianto? Hell, he had to come up with a new, original trick _at least _once a week, _every_ week! A lot of time and effort went into bugging Ianto and Owen was damn proud of it.

So when Ianto came onto the coms unit, Owen couldn't help but smirk. "Ianto," he crowed, leaning back into his chair, kicking his feet up onto his examination table, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Ianto's reply was short and frantic, his voice taking on a panicky edge, _"Guys! Owen!"_ the coms unit crackled, _"I need you down in Cell Block A, number 534, RIGHT NOW!"_

Owen sat up straighter at that. Something was off; Ianto sounded really worried. The two always had a bit of banter before finding out what the other needed. For Ianto to cut to the chase like that…it had the hairs on the back of Owen's neck standing on end. "Hey, hey, hey, calm down, Yan," he said soothingly, eyebrows scrunching together, "tell me what's wrong? What's going on with the Weevils?"

"_Just get down here!"_ Ianto screeched before the coms cut out.

"Yan? _Ianto!_ Damn it!" Owen growled. He was immediately up and moving. Not sure what to expect in the cell block, Owen quickly grabbed one of his many med-bags, and sprinted deep into the heart of the Hub. Whatever was going on, it had Ianto really scared. Holding the med-bag in one hand and his pistol in the other, Owen willed his legs to move faster. "God, Yan," he muttered to himself as he ran, "what did you get yourself into _this _time?!"

When he finally reached cell number 534, Owen gasped. He shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his hair. He was damn glad he brought supplies.

In the corner of the cell was a dead Weevil, three bullet holes in its head. Beside it, Ianto was huddled over a girl—teenager, by the looks of it—pressing down on her abdomen while blood pooled on the floor around the two. The girl wasn't moving, deathly pale, and barely breathing. Ianto looked up at Owen, his eyes wild and desperate as he tried to stop the blood. He said two words—two pleading words—that, to this day, Owen would never forget.

"Help me!"


	33. Questions

**This is for iulik who wanted to see the Doctor and Jack answer questions about each other!**

**So, ignore my perviness in this upload...I'm super tired, but I had to write it xD**

* * *

"Hiya folks!" Nickel waves at her audience as the theme music plays. "Welcome back to this week's edition of 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Today on our show, we have two very special guests! Back stage, we have the Tenth Doctor," she pauses, allowing the audience to applaud, "and Captain Jack Harkness!" The audience applauds again and Nickel grins. "So, here's what's going to happen; I'm going to bring them out, one at a time, and ask them the same questions. But, here's the twist! They'll be answering about each other!" There are many "ooh"s and "ahh"s heard from the audience.

One woman in the audience crosses her arms and frowns. "Well, that's not very entertaining!" she calls out. There's a collective gasp as she gets hit in the face with a laser beam and dies"

Nickel whistles innocently as she tucks the Master's laser screwdriver back into her jacket pocket. "Anymore interruptions?" she asks her terrified audience. "No? I didn't think so… Please welcome our first guest: THE DOCTOR!"

The Doctor waves at the audience as he walks out from backstage. He wraps Nickel in a hug. "Hallo!" he grins. "Good to see you, Nickel…you know…fully dres—"

Nickel shushes him, giggling, "Not in front of the kids!" She winks slyly at him, showing that there is no harm done.

Understanding dawns on the Doctor. "Right, sorry!"

Waving it off, Nickel smiles. "That's alright! So, Doctor, you know the rules?" The Doctor nods. "And you know you're answering about Captain Jack, right?" He nods again and Nickel claps her hands together. "Well, let's get started then!" The lighting dims as some serious music starts to play. The Doctor and Nickel put on their brainy specs simultaneously. "So," Nickel begins, "Donna, Rose, and Martha. Which would Jack shag, marry, and push off a cliff?"

The audience titters at Nickel's question, but none dare protest.

The Doctor however, laughs, his eyes twinkling. "Oh, he would shag all three! No doubts!"

Nickel shakes her head and chuckles at the Doctor's answer, but moves on. "Why does Jack wear what he does?"

Tilting his head adorably, the Doctor raises a brow. "What, the military coat?" Nickel nods. "Aw, that's an easy one! He wears it because it makes him feel powerful!" he states matter-of-factly. Conspiringly, he leans closer to Nickel. "Mind you, not that it actually does…it actually just makes him look like an immortal _prat_!" He laughs as the audience gasps. He holds his hands up in surrender, "I'm joking!" He then shakes his head and mouths "not really, though."

Nickel laughs throughout the Doctor's entire answer. She clutches at her sore abdomen muscles and manages to gasp out in between guffaws, "Which of your regenerations does Jack think is the hottest?"

"I'd have to say this one," the Doctor winks, "_especially_ when I'm wearing a leather jacket!" Someone in the audience starts to wolf whistle, but ceases immediately upon seeing Nickel's jealous glare.

Smoothing down her hair, Nickel turns back to the Doctor. "Final question! What do you think Jack would say if he were to see your eleventh incarnation today?" A clip of the 11th Doctor talking to Rory holding a mop and wearing a fez starts to play on a screen behind them.

Paling slightly, the Doctor thinks for a moment. "I think he would laugh, tell me how utterly _sexy_ I am, and ask what's up with the bow tie! Then he would ask me out…again…"

Getting up and hugging the Doctor, Nickel smiles. "Well, thank you very much Doctor, I'll see you later!" Leaning in closer to whisper into his ear, her eyes twinkle devilishly. "Don't forget the whipped cream!"

The Doctor leaves, grinning like a madman and there is a short commercial break before the game show music starts back up. "Welcome back to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Nickel addresses her audience watching at home. "Please welcome our next guest: CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS!"

"Hello!" Jack salutes her. "Good to see you, Nickel…you know…fully dres—"

Nickel shushes him as well, giggling. "Not in front of the _kids_!" she insists, winking. Turning to the audience, Nickel smirks. "That's RIGHT folks! I GET THEM BOTH!" she brags before laughing at their heartbroken expressions. Jack clearing his throat brings her back to reality. "Right, sorry! So, Jack, you know the rules?" He nods. "And you know you're answering about the Doctor, right?" He nods again. "Well, let's get started then!" The lighting dims once again as serious music starts to play. Jack winks at the audience, causing everyone to swoon. "So—Donna, Rose, Martha. Which would the Doctor shag, marry, and push off a cliff?"

Jack laughs. "Oh, that's _too_ easy. He would shag Donna, _marry_ Rose (obviously), and push Martha off a cliff." Leaning closer to Nickel, he whispers into her ear, "He never actually _liked_ Martha in the first place."

Nickel rolls her eyes. "Okay then. Why does the Doctor wear what he does?"

"What, the suit he never takes off?" Nickel nods. "Haha! He wears it because it makes him feel smart! Mind you, it actually _does_…but my point still stands! And, to be honest, he looks smart in more ways than one!"

When Jack looks off towards backstage, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and licking his lips, Nickel clears her throat awkwardly. "Which of his regenerations does the Doctor think is the hottest?"

Jack doesn't even take a second's pause. "I'd have to say the one he's in now…when he's wearing a leather jacket! _Only_ a leather jacket." There are more wolf whistles and Nickel glares at the audience again, only to realize it was her and Jack whistling. She twirls her hair around her finger flirtatiously. "Final question! What do you think the Doctor would say if he were to see his 11th incarnation today?" She plays the clip of the eleventh Doctor talking to Rory holding a mop and wearing a fez.

Smirking, Jack leans back in his chair. "I think he would curse the fact that he's still not ginger! And then tell me that, like bananas, fezzes are cool…"

Nickel grins. "Well, thank you very much Jack, I'll see you later!" She hugs him and whispers into his ear, "Don't forget the chocolate sauce!" With another wave and a smirk, Jack leaves. "Well folks, that's our show! Tune in next time to 'Who Wants To Be A Companion?!' Cause, really, anything could happen!"


	34. Sally and Jack

**Hello dear readers! So, today's story comes from the request of Frannie the mrawing carb. She wanted to see Jack meeting Sally Sparrow to create a certain ship. I changed it just a tad, they already know each other and are both companions on the TARDIS with the 10th Doctor. Just roll with it ;)**

**Thanks to Nightmarekitten13-7 for the favorite!**

**TheSpellweaver- lol thanks :P**

**iulik- lol I do my best xD I'm glad you liked it :) And wow, that's a cool vacation spot :D Oh no! Not an angry phone! Those are NEVER good :/ Umm I'll take some sand :) I can start a collection :P**

**Wickaholic- Yeah, he really can be :P And yup, be jealous! Even if it IS only a figment of my imagination.**

**Cjabbott98- Haha! And no, I'm so not sharing. You already got to make out with them both, they're MINE now :D And good guess, but it's actually Castiel from Supernatural. He's standing in the wind, looking sadly at his phone because it's telling him he's out of minutes. Just cause :P Glad you like it. (By the way, Cas is mine too!)**

* * *

Sally Sparrow was reading a book in the TARDIS library when Captain Jack walked in. Without warning, he got down on one knee in front of her. "Will you marry me?" he asked, his eyes shining.

Sally couldn't believe it. "…Excuse me?"

"Please?"

"What? No!" Her cheeks flamed in embarrassment.

Jack's jaw dropped, his expression crestfallen. He sputtered for a moment before finally getting the words out, "But why not?!"

Throwing her arms into the air in exasperation, Sally sighed. "Because I've known you for all of an hour, Jack. Besides," she flashed her wedding ring to him, "I'm already taken!"

"But _Sally_…" Jack whined.

"No Jack." She began to walk away from him and groaned when he followed. She tried to go about her day normally—well, as normally as one could on the TARDIS—but Jack was there at every turn.

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please?_"

"_No!_" Her patience was _way_ past gone by the hundred and twenty-third time he asked her. Sally was just about pulling out her hair, and it wasn't even lunch-time yet! She started to make herself a grilled cheese sandwich when Jack appeared once again. He rocked back and forth on his heels while he begged. "_Pleeeeease?!_" he whined."Just for pretend?"

"Arg!" She threw down her flipper in exasperation. "Fine!" she cried. "If it will get you off my back, I will _make-believe _marry you." Jack punched the air, clicked his heels together, and ran out the door cheering. Sally placed her head in her hands. She could already tell she would regret this decision.

*Later*

"Jack, have you seen my sonic?" The Doctor had misplaced it _again_. Seriously, it baffled even him. He jumped slightly when Jack popped out of seemingly nowhere, holding a fake sword and sporting an eyepatch.

"Yarg! Avast matey!"

"What?" the Doctor was taken aback. He raised a brow as he took in his companion's appearance. "Jack, what the hell are you playing at?"

"Ye be asking my purpose?" Jack asked in a very piratey tone, causing the Doctor's brow to arch even higher.

"Yes!"

"Well, then, I confess," Jack tucked the sword away, "it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out!" The Doctor gaped at him, his eyes wide in confusion. Jack looked around the room and scratched his head before pouting. "Why is the rum always gone…?"

When Sally sauntered in to join them, the Doctor practically leaped to her side. "Sally? What's he talking about? Has he turned into a pirate?"

Sally simply shook her head sadly. "Trust me, Doctor, you _don't_ want to know."

Jack's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. He sprinted over to her side and grinned. "My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled."

Rolling her eyes, Sally groaned, "No shit, Sherlock." Turning to the Time Lord, she glared at him. "Doctor, from now on, Jack is _not allowed _to watch movies without supervision!" By her tone, the Doctor knew she wasn't fooling around; she really meant it.

Finally, the pieces of the puzzle clicked together for him. "Pirates of the Caribbean?" Sally nodded sadly. Jack laughed loudly and unsheathed his fake sword once more, holding it high in the air. Sally groaned once more as she finally understood _why_ Jack had asked for her hand in marriage.

"Avast ye mangy dogs, for I am…_Captain Jack Sparrow!_"


	35. Twelve 2

**WARNING! WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS PURE AND UTTER CRACK. SO YEAH.**

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a little while. I was doing...stuff...This chapter is for Mrs Doctor who wanted a sequel to "Twelve."**

**Thanks to hollay123 for the favorite and stalk.**

**Lo613- haha thanks! I'm glad you liked it xD**

**Wickaholic- thank you :) Credit for the clever line goes to Frannie the mrawing carb.**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- :D**

**Alyksandra Howling- *sigh* he probably is...**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- I woke up holding tight to a foam sword the other day...it was weird...and I'll work on the request :) Also, yay! TARDIS travel! Maybe I'll be the creepy perv who hides in the closet...I mean WHAT?! NO, I DUNNO WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!**

**Seiga Niko- Lol no worries :) Thanks! Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it :) I love doing it. And, if we get married, you're buying the ring ;)**

**KirbeeLicious Failure- OMG YOU ARE A GENIUS AND I HAVE AN IDEA NOW AND ADSFHAIJEFASDG! I'm so making something about it!**

**raykay8001- lol thanks! I make stories when people prompt me or I just get an idea :P seems to work out pretty well :)**

**CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK!**

* * *

The Doctor walked into the gigantic room that was the TARDIS's wardrobe nervously. For the first time in her life, she was unsure of herself. Damn new body. Why did she have to almost die, anyways?! All she'd done was turn King Arthur back into a human! He hadn't been doing so well as a horse, but that hadn't been _her_ fault! She returned him to Camelot, and he'd let a whinny escape (a bit of residual horse instinct) so Arthur ran him through! The King of Camelot wasn't a horse; he was an _ass_.

Holding up her previous incarnation's pants, she wandered, out of habit, to the "Men's Clothing" section. Realizing her mistake, she spun in a circle on her heel, biting her lip. It had just occurred to her that she didn't actually know where the women's clothing _was_. "Amy!" she called her companion for some assistance.

Jack popped his head through the door. "Want some help, Doctor?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. This, however, went right over the Doctor's head.

"Yeah," she said, "could you please get Amy for me? I need her." Leaving with his head hung in defeat, Jack muttered "fine." The Doctor smiled warmly. Bless him; poor guy had been so excited to help the Doctor. She would have to do something for him later. Perhaps she'd get him a banana. _Everyone_ liked bananas!

Amy laughed as she walked through the doors. "What do you need help with? You've gotten dressed hundreds of times, I presume."

Scowling, the Doctor glared at the floor. "I don't know where the girl clothes are," she said.

Linking the Doctor's arm with her own, Amy led the way. "Oh, this is going to be fun!" she declared, an evil glint in her eyes.

* * *

Jack and Rory sat in the kitchen, playing poker. Rory shivered slightly; if he'd known they were playing _strip_ poker, he would have never agreed! The only time he ever played Texas Hold'em was for fun—he was _terrible_!

Jack grinned triumphantly as he set down his hand. "Full house!" he beamed. Rory's cheeks flamed as he stared at his pair of nines. He grimaced; this wasn't fair! All he had left was his boxers and—

"AAARRRGGGG! NOT THE FACE! NOOO!"

"Dammit, Doctor! Hold _still_!"

"No, no _please!_ Get that away from me!"

"So help me, I will _pin you down_ if I have to!"

The men stared at each other for a moment before sprinting towards the sounds of Amy and the Doctor. Rory was quite relieved that the game was over.

When they reached the wardrobe, Amy pushed a pouting Doctor out of the doors, showing her off to Jack and Rory. "Well?" she asked, proud of her handy-work. "What do you think?"

The Doctor had on a pair of ripped skinny-jeans, a green halter-top, and a fitted leather jacket. She had red converse sneakers on her feet. "Doctor," Rory asked while Jack suppressed a snicker, "are you wearing…make-up?"

The Doctor glared at Amy. "_She_ forcibly put it on me! If beauty is pain, _Amelia Pond_," she spat, "then I'd better be bloody _gorgeous_!" She stalked off towards the control room while the others laughed behind her.

* * *

Jumping up and down, the Doctor clapped her hands together in glee. She had done it! She was now on the Lost-but-found-just-a-little-while-ago Moon of Poosh. The Doctor's eyes grew wide as she paused. Looking down at her chest, she had a strange thought.

Cassandra had been right. It _was _like living in a bouncy castle!


	36. Jeopardy

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while. The Plot Bunnies have been very quiet! Damn them...**

**Anywho, this is for PeaceLoveAndCheese who requested a sequel to the Captain Jack Sparrow story xD**

**Thanks to DeathOfSanity for stalking and favoriting and to ConiferShort and MegaTigger98 for stalking.**

**Cjabbott98- lol don't I know it xD I saw a fanart online the other day of Rose (well...technically Cassandra) saying that and I HAD to put it in.**

**wickaholic- hahaha**

**sonicpotato- ahh, beautiful, mad, lovely Doctor xD**

**iulik- haha same here man, same here xD**

**Seiga Niko- Thanks so much :) Glad you liked it!**

**Frannie the mrawing carb- haha thanks xD I try ;)**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Oh boy, another request! And yeah, that was actually a conversation I had with my older sister when she decided to play "Make Me Up Barbie" with me. Restrainments were necessary.**

**DeathOfSanity- Nah, I don't mind! Consider it done! It might take a little while though, I'm still working on some other requests :P**

**LittleNerdling- Oh hi there! And yeah, I get the same thing. Also little "Go OUTside! You're the same colour as paper!" And sure! I'll see what I can do :) Yay for trock! (Chameleon Circuit!)**

**So, here we are, the sequel to Sally and Jack! Enjoy!**

* * *

"_Steven, please, tell me the truth!"_

Click.

"_Listen to me, Janet. I'm no good for—"_

Click.

"_I'm sorry, but your husband is in a coma."_

Click.

"_Next time, on Life As We Know It,"_

Click.

Amy sighed. Why was there never anything _good_ on daytime television? She was stuck in the TARDIS with the flu; Rory had ordered her to bed. The Doctor, not wanting Amy to get bored, rolled in a television and had sat down beside her to watch. Well, she was watching, he was busy.

"_What is a banana?"_

"_That's correct!"_

The Doctor looked up from his knitting book. In all honesty, he hadn't been paying attention to the TV. However, as soon as the word "banana" was mentioned…

"Don't change the channel!" he shouted at Amy, her finger on the remote. She just rolled her eyes and let the show play. For a few minutes, the Doctor watched it in silence. Suddenly, he jumped up and ran out of the bedroom, leaving behind a very confused Amy.

As the TARDIS started to move, she almost fell out of the bed. "What the hell?!" she cried, feeling the jolt of the landing. What was the Doctor _doing_?! He'd promised that they'd stay—

Her eyes widened in shock as she looked at the television screen. "Roryyyy!" she hollered.

Bursting through the door, Rory ran up to his wife's side, fearing the worst. "What is it!? What's wrong?" he questioned frantically. His eyes followed Amy's finger to the TV screen and his jaw dropped. "Is that…?"

"But he…"

"How…?"

"_Who is Cleopatra! Lovely woman, bit stern, but wow! Can she ever throw a party!"_

The Doctor was Jeopardy's newest contestant.


	37. Tim

**Hey guys! Glad everyone liked the Doctor playing Jeopardy! :D I can totally see him playing xD**

**So, thanks to Into The Vortex for favoriting and stalking, Little Nerdling for stalking, Rwy'n-Y-Blaidd-Drwg for favoriting and stalking ME, and to hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue for favoriting ME and the story and stalking the story.**

**Cjabbott98- Sure! And that is actually an awesome idea! :D**

**Seiga Niko- Not fair, but totally funny! So, in the end, it works out ;)**

**wickaholic- lol thanks!**

**Aardvarks Live In Russia- haha oh teenage years...that's what happens ;) Thanks for all your reviews :) and yes, that's how you do the crying face :) **

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Haha no worries, it's what I do ;) Sounds like a fair deal to me!**

**Little Nerdling- Lmao. Yay for accounts!**

**Safi-ry- *kidnaps the Doctor while you and Rose fight* Well sure you can be on the game show :) And sadly, i didn't like either of them. I liked the Doctor/Rose paring, i just never liked Rose for some reason. *braces herself for the hatred that shall fly her way* **

**Into The Vortex- Well, brilliant or fantastic...i guess it depends on your Doctor ;) Thank you so so so soooo much for the fabulous words of awesomeness! Yes, I totally can do that. The Plot Bunnies are already nibbling at my earlobes, telling me ideas.**

**HMST- Hmm...silvertongue...WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER WHAT THAT'S FROM!? Is it from Percy Jackson? No...maybe? Help! Yes, you can be on the show too :)**

**Alrighty folks! Thanks for all the fantabulous reviews! This chapter is for KirbeeLicious Failure who requested an oxygen molecule named Tim. I turned it into a Supernatural crossover. Hope you don't mind! :D**

**Also, to everyone who has left me with a request, I AM working on it. I've got seven right now and I'm doing them in the order I get them to be fair. Yours will show up in a bit, and you can still leave requests. Just wanted you to know what's going on :)**

*****WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS PURE AND UTTER CRACK! LIKE, CRACK IN THE UNIVERSE CRACK. OKAY NOT REALLY BUT IT'S REALLY CRACKY! SO...YEAH...I'M GONNA GO NOW!*****

* * *

"Hmm…was it hotwire the fragment links and supersede the binary…no, no, no…_maybe_ it was supersede the _fragment links_ and hotwire the binary…_gah_!" Throwing his hands into the air—and the wires onto the floor—the Doctor stalked away from the Chameleon Circuit. "Fine then," he growled, "Police Public Call Box from the 1960s it is! Besides," he grumbled, "I happen to _like _it this way!"

As the Doctor sighed, he froze. Shaking his head—he must have imagined it—he chuckled to himself, "Losing your mind in your old age, eh Doctor?" The Doctor froze again. He sniffed the air and strained his ears. There was, most definitely, without a doubt, a tiny scream…in the air.

Well, _that _was a new one.

Whipping out his sonic screwdriver, he altered the frequency of the sound waves, making the voice louder.

"_Son of a bitch! Quit screaming, Sammy!"_

"_I'm screaming for help, Jerk! It's not like YOU'RE doing anything productive!"_

"_Again, I'm REALLY sorry, guys."_

"…_I feel quite insignificant and small…is this how humans feel when they think of my Father?"_

Scratch that; making the _four _voices louder.

The Doctor grinned widely—the weirder it got, the more he loved it! "Um, hello?" he asked tentatively. "I'm the Doctor."

"_Doctor who?"_ the first voice asked angrily.

If possible, the Doctor's grin grew wider as he answered, "Just the Doctor."

"_Well that's a stupid—"_

"_Dean!"_ The second voice cut off the first—Dean—before addressing the Doctor. _"Sorry about him,"_ he said,_ "That's my brother, Dean. I'm Sam."_

"_Name's Tim,"_ voice number three piped up.

"_Castiel,"_ the fourth voice said monotonously.

The Doctor nodded at each introduction. "Where exactly are you from?" he asked curiously. He'd never met any life forms so…small in stature before.

"_Earth,"_ three of the voices answered. One, Castiel if his tone was anything to go by, answered _"Heaven,"_ giving the Time Lord quite a shock.

"If you're humans," he ignored the fact that Castiel thought he was an angel—there was no such thing!—and continued, "why are you…well…tiny?"

"_It's all Tim's fault!"_

"_Dean, come on!"_

"_I said I was sorry!"_

"_Yeah? Well when I'm back to my normal size I'm gonna—"_

"_DEAN!"_

"_Bitch."_

"_Jerk."_

The Doctor blinked. "Um…would someone mind explaining to me what happened?" he asked.

There was a tiny sigh before Tim answered. _"I called up Sam, Dean, and Cas to help me out on a hunt. Some witch was giving me more trouble than she should have. But, when we all got there, she turned us into oxygen molecules. At least, that's what she SAID she turned us into."_

There was a slight whirring noise as the Doctor scanned them. "Yup," he grinned, "oxygen molecules! I'm sure that I can reverse the effects if I just—" A tiny shriek interrupted his train of thought.

"_Help!"_ cried Tim.

"_He breathed in Tim!"_ Dean yelped.

"_Tim! Noo!"_ Sobbed Sam.

"_I shall smite this monster! He shall feel the wrath of God!"_ Poor Castiel found smiting the Time Lord while he was an oxygen molecule, quite a difficult task.

The Doctor, upon realizing what he had done, exhaled Tim and reversed the witch's spell by pressing a few buttons, turning a couple knobs, and flipping the wibbly lever. Standing before him were four men.

"Finally!" grunted Dean. He was a tall, well-built man with dirty blonde hair, green eyes, and pouty lips. He wore jeans, a dark green tee-shirt, and a dark leather jacket.

"Dean, come on, man, can't you be civil for _once_?" groaned Sam. Sam was somehow even taller than his brother, yet looked younger, and also well-built. He had shaggy brown hair, dark eyes, and a puppy-dog look that could bring an army to its knees. He wore jeans and a plaid, flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" cried Tim as he ran up to and hugged the Doctor. Tim was a scrawny man in a formal black suit that was at least one size too large. He had mousy brown hair and brown eyes that held back tears of gratitude.

"It appears," mused Castiel, a shorter man with dark, disheveled hair, piercing blue eyes, and a trench coat, "that the witch also zapped us into another dimension."

"Oh," laughed the Doctor, "you have no idea!"


	38. Strip Poker

**Weird as it sounds, and you'll know why it's weird in a minute, I'm actually quite proud of this chapter :P This is for PeaceLoveAndCheese who requested they all play Strip Poker xD *insert perverted laughter here***

**Thanks to willowmelodynoble, CasckettInWhoville, Live to Daydream, and Mathea2005 for stalking and favoriting the story, me, and variations there upon.**

**CasketteInWhoville- haha thank you so much! :) Lol Maybe I should make that another story...hmmm... *ponders that idea* Yes, of course you can be on the show! Also, is it weird that, seeing Whoville in your name, all I can think about is a song from Seussical the Musical? "We're whos here, we are whos here, smaller than the eye can seeeeeeee! It's true, sir, we are whos, sir, I'm a who and so is she!"**

**Live to Daydream- Thanks :) And the Silence? It wasn't because of my Silence chapter, was it? If so, I apologize, but that WAS my intent because I'm a weirdo like that :P I'm glad I could help :)**

**wickaholic- thanks xD**

**Mathea2005- Oh geez! Are you okay? You didn't hit your head did you? DO WE NEED A DOCTOR?! Oh, right, I forgot...he's...busy at the moment...*more perverted laughter***

**So, short chapter, but I think it works ;)**

* * *

"Seriously guys, _why the hell_ did I agree to this?"

Rory was not having a good day. This morning, the TARDIS ran out of hot water halfway through his shower. Then, the Doctor had taken them to an "uninhabited" planet where, as it turns out, people lived.

Angry people who had run Rory through with a spear.

He had died—again—and then come back as plastic—_again_—only to melt and be resurrected—_AGAIN!_

Now, he was sitting in only his boxers at a table with the Doctor, Amy, Jack Harkness, and River Song. They had somehow managed to talk him into playing Strip Poker.

And he was losing.

Badly.

The Doctor wasn't fairing much better than him, actually. But, unlike Rory, the Doctor still maintained a bit of dignity, seeing as _he _still had his pants. Amy was in her bra and skirt (damn her for cleverly wearing layers), River had only removed her jacket, and Jack was still fully clothed.

Rory was ninety percent sure that Jack was cheating somehow.

Grinning triumphantly, Jack showed off his hand. Three aces and two kings—a full house of high caliber. Everyone groaned as they threw their cards onto the table in defeat and started to remove another piece of clothing. Rory looked mournfully from his pair of sixes to his underwear.

"…Shit…"

* * *

**What do you guys think? Should I make Who Wants To Be A Companion a separate story? If so, would the Sexy-Off between Jack, the Doctor, and the Dalek go in there too?**

**Let me know what you think!**

**Oh, and the "bouncy castle" line from a few chapters back was inspired by this picture:**

** fs32 /f /2008 /200 /c /4 /Bouncy_Castle_Doctor_Who_by_aimeekitty. jpg**

**Don't forget to take out the spaces!**


	39. Donna Noble

**Can I just say that I just checked my email and I have 56 new reviews for this story since this morning? FIFTY-SIX! WTF?! I think it's cause some of you went and reviewed every single chapter...but still...WOW! **

**This chapter is for DeathOfSanity who wanted some Donna Badassery. **

**Thanks to Live to Daydream for stalking, Avalonemyst for stalking the story and favoriting it and ME, ThetaTwelve for favoriting and stalking, and OptimisticLivvy for favoriting!**

**Live to Daydream- Thanks :) And I now have made it into another story. Just cause :P Thanks again :)**

**Alexia Blackbriar- Consider it done ;)**

**Avalonemyst- lol thanks :P *catches the plot bunny* Oh my, I'll add it to my collection :P I'll see what I can do :)**

**iulik- you DO realize that that was already the second Strip Poker scene, right? *sigh* I'll try :P The things I do for my readers...**

**Into The Vortex- Thank you, thank you *bows* And yeah, dogs will do that. Mine's doing it right now.**

**Cjabbott98- AHH! CAPITAL LETTERS! Okay :) It's in there :P And yeah, all the time he dies...poor guy :P Seriously, I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY ripping on him in here xD**

**OptimisticLivvy- ...you reviewed every single chapter...I love you...As for the "which hose" WOAH! WOAH THERE! Let's not get dirty-minded now, eh? ) Thanks, I was trying for something different :) I definitely cried writing that chapter. Then my mom walked in and was like "wtf?" All I could say was "Ianto...and...and Jack...and...and...SO SAD!" Yeah...she thinks I've gone insane...I actually just watched the Nerdist where Matt, Karen, and Arthur went bowling. I almost died. Then I wanted him to sing Living on a Prayer cause it would be epic. Thank you, it took a lot of time and effort to come up with those lyrics (not really though :P). You will be in it, but in the different story. Yes, the potato fell through the rift. It was turned into a sonic potato xD Luckily I've got both Jack AND the Doctor so I don't have to choose ;) Yes, I SOO love Cas. He's just so...so...CAS! Thanks again for the 38 reviews xD**

**wickaholic- my, my, quite greedy xD alright, I'll see what I can do, but you'll have to take a number and sit over there. We'll call you in when it's time.**

**Little Nerdling- Yeah, I suck at spelling. YAY SPELLCHECK! And yeah, I always torment the poor guy xD **

**MagellinaFluffQueen- Thanks so much :) Yeah, Balthazar was the first name that popped into my head when I wrote that. Weird, I know xD Thanks so much :D**

* * *

Donna Noble, also known as Super Temp, was walking home. She held her head high as she strode happily down the street; she felt like she was walking on air. The reason behind this? Super Temp had just come from a job interview, and now had a brand-spanking-new job. She actually caught herself whistling a few times!

A few blocks from her house, she was stopped by a man wearing a ski cap. "Blimey, mate," she chuckled, undeterred, "isn't it a bit hot out for that?" The man grabbed for her purse, determined to take it, and its contents, from her.

_Most_ women would let a large, strange man attempting to mug them simply take it and haul-ass the other way. But Super Temp was having none of that. She gripped her purse tighter and, when the man wouldn't release it, slugged him in the jaw. No one was about to ruin her good mood today.

That all changed when the man growled, pulling out a knife. "A-a-alright mate," she stuttered, backing away slowly, "l-let's n-not hurt anyone w-with th-that now." As the man advanced, Donna let out a frightened squeak, squeezing her eyes shut and bracing herself for the pain that was sure to come.

There was a loud _clang_ of metal hitting bone, the thud of a body hitting the ground, and a kind voice asking, "Are you alright, Miss?"

Donna's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at the handsome man in front of her. He dropped the steel piping in his hand, letting it clatter to the ground next to the unconscious mugger. Donna grinned widely. "I am now," she sighed.

The man ran a hand through his hair. "I saw you hit him from across the street. That's quite the right-hook you've got!"

Donna blushed as she decided that the ground really was quite interesting to look at. "Wouldn't have done any good if you hadn't shown up," she brushed it off.

The man chuckled lightly. "Say," he started slowly, "I know we've just met, but…would you like to grab a coffee?" Her head snapping up, Donna saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

Another wide grin spread across her face. "I think I'd like that," she nodded. Linking her arm through his, she started off towards her favorite café. "I'm Donna, by the way. Donna Noble."

"Well," chuckled the man, "it's nice to meet you Miss Noble. I'm Shaun Temple."

* * *

********REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE RIGHT HERE!*******

**Hey guys, I'll make this short, but it IS important. Please, if you have a request, PM it to me. Apparently we're not supposed to take requests in reviews. I'm still doing all of yours, this is just a "from now on" thing. So yeah, please send me any requests through PM.**

**Also, I'm taking the "Who Wants To Be A Companion?!" stories and making them into their own series. It's that title, and anyone who's requested to be on the show, I'm going to post it in THERE from now on. I'll let you know on here when I post it there :)**


	40. The Doctor's To Do List

**Hey, so I'm updating this before I have to go to work, so I've gotta make this note quick! **

**This chapter is for Cjabbott98 who wanted to see the Doctor's "To Do" list after reading the Jeopardy chapter. Keep in mind, some of these items are already complete!**

**iulik- really? Oh...well either way works for me :P And holy unhealthy obsession with strip poker, Batman! Yes, I'll do it at some point :P**

**Cjabbott98- After reading some of LizzieXX's stuff, I've decided she needs a cape :D**

**rya-fire1- haha thanks. And holy plot bunnies! YES! That MUST happen!**

**Live to Daydream- lol thanks very much :P *salutes* I'll do my best!**

**wickaholic- I'm totally rolling my eyes at you right now ;)**

**Mathea2005- Mmmm I totally agree with you, though! Yummy sex-hair! And yes, I will do that for you :)**

**OptimisticLivvy- Yes, you totally get points for stalking ;) Thanks! They never really said how Donna and Shaun met, so I decided to make up my own version :) Glad you liked it!**

**So yeah, the Doctor's To Do list!**

* * *

**List Of Things The Doctor Has To Do At Some Point In The Future, Present, Or Past:**

1) Be on Jeopardy

2) Wear a fez

3) Buy a new fez

4) Get Rory to wear a bow tie (they're cool)

5) Rename the Lost Moon of Poosh to the Found And Put Back Where It Belongs Moon of Poosh

6) Figure out who Jim the Fish is

7) Find Phillip

8) Prove that I AM sexier than Jack

9) Beat Donna at Monopoly

10) Get Amy back for the superglue incident. **Yeah, me too. **Shut up, Rory! Get your own list!

11) Get Hitler out of the cupboard

12) Ignore #11 as Hitler can just stay in there and stuff it

13) Get Jack to quit hitting on me

14) Turn Arthur back into a human

15) Never return to Camelot

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

16) Get the tally marks off of my arms

17) Hang on, what?

18) Figure out what Charlie the badger is doing on Sexy

19) Get my favorite bow tie back from S!ntlbot 43

20) Take River to Mezza

21) Never do anything River describes as "fun" ever again

22) Cook River dinner

23) Order out next time

24) Figure out what happened to the potato of doom

25) Do laundry

26) Figure out how to get the bubbles to stop coming out of the washer

27) Ask River how to change Rory's shirt back to white

28) Remember to check for red socks next time

29) Get a sombrero (they're sure to be cool)

30) Find some brainy specs that match tweed

31) Never say "Who da man?!" ever again

32) Figure out a way to keep Rory alive for more than a day

33) Be ginger

* * *

**Let me know if you have anymore items that should be on the list. If I get a bunch, I'll put them together to make another one.**

**Reviews are love!**


	41. Figures

**Hello my lovelies! So, this is for Into The Vortex! I hope you like what I did with your idea :P**

**Also, LittleNerdling, your request for Who Wants To Be A Companion is now up!**

**Thanks to comealongsong for stalking, KittyCat809 for stalking, Girl With Starry Eyes for stalking this AND me, and VallkyrieCain2000 for favoriting and stalking both this and me!**

**iulik- haha thanks xD I'm glad you like it that much!**

**wickaholic- I do not bite my thumb at you, sir! I simply bite it in your general direction! (lol, yes I know xD I read the play in grade 9 like 5 years ago xD) thanks :P yeah, no one really likes the rules. But, I'll respect them :) thanks for the ideas :)**

**LittleNerdling- yeah he totally is, but don't tell the Doctor that ;)**

**OptimisticLivvy- haha thanks! And I know! WASN'T IT! I was like, "Four for you, Oswin You go, Oswin."**

**Cjabbott98- lol thanks a lot!**

* * *

Amy growled. She was _so not_ _impressed _with the Doctor. That damned Raggedy-Man would be the death of her one day. He'd, once again, gotten someone he shouldn't have angry, and had dragged her and her husband into the entire mess with the words "What could possibly go wrong?" Amy had an answer as she stalked back and forth in the TARDIS—_everything_! Everything could go wrong!

Rory whined. Maybe _this _was why the Doctor always hated Thursdays. Everything bad that had ever happened was probably on a Thursday. As he sat on the floor, head following Amy's movements, he couldn't help but be a _bit_ grateful. At least he hadn't _died_ this time.

The Doctor, however, was grinning, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. How cool was this?! How many people could say that they'd been turned into a _dog_ by a Shaman of the Rexiconnally Committee?! "Come on, guys!" he yipped happily, nails clicking on the floor as he trotted over to Amy. "This could be way worse!"

Amy snarled at him, her meaning clear. How could this have been worse? She was, currently, a red Icelandic Sheepdog with a white chest, her tail swishing back and forth angrily. Her husband, Rory, was an all-around scruffy, blonde Terrier mix. The Doctor was jumping up and down excitedly. It was true; the worse things got, the more he loved it. He was a black and brown Australian Shepherd with a white neck and underbelly. The cake topper? There was a brown patch of hair, just under his neck, in the shape of a bow tie.

"Calm down, Amy," Rory yawned lazily as he plopped down onto his stomach, resting his head on his front paws, "it's going to wear off in a couple of hours. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts."

Rolling her eyes in a very Amy-like manner, Amy walked over to sit next to her husband, her head held high. "Fine," she harrumphed. There wasn't much she could do anyways.

"What the hell is _that_?!" cried the Doctor as he began to follow the strange flash of colour in the corner of his eye.

"Figures," Rory snorted. "He's chasing his tail."

* * *

**I REGRET NOTHING! Seriously, I think this is now one of my favorite chapters xD**

**If you want to know what they look like as dogs, here are the pictures (TAKE OUT THE SPACES)**

**Amy- www. icelandichorse. is/ image9GG. JPG**

**Rory- courtneyoutloud. files. wordpress 2011 /05 /030. jpg?w=500&h= 666**

**Doctor- www. veanimals images /stories /dog /AustralianShepher-3. jpg**


	42. Fezzes Are Red

**Hey guys! So I realized (quite late in fact) that I didn't do a chapter for my 200th reviewer! And right now I'm at 267! AHHH! But yeah, so this poem chapter thing is for Mathea2005! Thanks for all the support guys! I love you so much that you get 2 chapters today :P**

**Thanks to GothGirl69 for stalking and favoriting me and the story!**

**Cjabbott98- haha thanks xD It would be pretty awesome, wouldn't it? :D**

**Little Nerdling- It would totally happen, that's what makes it so funny I think xD**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong- What chapter did that review come from? :S I can't remember... :/ And yes, I AM very proud :D**

**So this is a bit of Doctor/Rose fluffy-sadness. Hope you like it :D**

* * *

Fezzes are red,

The TARDIS is blue,

Bow ties are cool,

But we must bid adieu

To the grass that was red,

And the leaves on the trees;

Leaves lovely and silver

That swayed in the breeze.

Because Gallifrey's gone now,

And the Time Lords; gone with it.

He blames himself, wonders,

_Does his title still fit?_

His people are dead.

Now, beginning to thrive

Is a _hatred_ inside him;

It's hard to survive.

He is reckless and stupid,

From this self-hate that's grown.

Always bottles it up

And just feels so alone.

Until, one day, a girl,

All pink and yellow,

Wandered into a basement;

Made him feel like Jell-O.

Shop dummies around her,

The chaos they'd cause,

He just had to stop them,

He had to find flaws.

And, though the man was

Slowly coming undone,

He reached out, grabbed her hand,

And said to her, "Run!"

That was the beginning

Of this man's new life;

Running with the woman

He'd like to call "wife."

She helped stop the pain

Of his whole world destroyed.

She made him so happy,

Quite simply; overjoyed!

But all stories must end,

We know that they must,

Though it wasn't fair

And sure wasn't just.

He lost her one day

To a parallel world,

When, into the Void,

She was just about hurled.

The man burst to tears,

'_Lost another loved one,'_

But he could say goodbye,

So he burned up a sun.

She cried when she saw him.

"I love you," she said.

Then he tried, "Rose Tyler, I—"

The connection was dead.

But he never forgot her,

There was never a chance

He remembered them running,

Every touch, every dance.

Life's unforgiving,

Makes you wish you could die.

It will take what you love

In the blink of an eye.

That was the story

Of the Doctor and Rose;

A pink and yellow girl,

With a small, button nose.

The Time Lord misses her,

But he keeps going on

'Cause he knows that his Rose

Would want him to be strong.


	43. Harry Potter

**Hiya folks! Sorry updates won't be as often anymore. I've started university so RL is gonna be kinda nuts! Anywho. Here is for Alexia Blackbriar. And (lucky you) this one will probably have more than one part. Not necessarily one after another, but it MIGHT have more than one part. Hope you like it!**

**PS- Safi-ry, your WWTBAC story is up!**

**Thanks to TheAustralianZombie for favoriting and stalking, to rya-fire1 for favoriting, to CaptainFluttershy for stalking, and to sciphy for favoriting and stalking both the story and MYSELF!**

**sciphy- haha thanks xD But think of the bright side...you HAVE a boyfriend. *raises hand being the forever alone girl she is***

**rya-fire1- *bows* thank you so much :)**

**Ashena-Iulik- I don't normally write them :) It kinda just popped into my head :P Thanks. And I mailed them...stupid airfare...**

**wickaholic- yeah, quite the happy, upbeat play, isn't it? Wait till you get to Hamlet :)**

**Safi-ry- :D thanks **

**Into the Vortex- Thanks :P I'm glad you liked it! And...um...thanks?...you're welcome?...what?**

**OptimisticLivvy- haha it's totally something he would do, isn't it xD Neither am I, but I did appreciate what she did for the Doctor...damn her...**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- thanks xD *claps* beautiful poem! Love it! Haha and yes, he probably is ;) **

**TheAustralianZombie- thanks! *hands a pair of binoculars* you might need these :) If inspiration comes to me, I will write more of those :P**

**Cjabbott98- aww thanks :) Sorry :P it's so true, isn't it? and aww shucks...you make me blush... :)**

**hollay123- thanks so much!**

**Live to Daydream- thanks :) Yeah, my mind is constantly all over the place, so sticking to one story-line can be tough sometimes (which is why my other story doesn't get updated as often as i'd like it to). Thus, this was born! **

**Avalonemyst- merci! *decides she should use SOME french since she's Canadian***

**Frannie the mrawing carb- sorry :) but not really :P seriously, what is the story behind your username?! ITS KILLING ME?!**

**DeathOfSanity- No problem :) I thought they needed a back-story :) Thanks!**

* * *

The Doctor woke up on a train.

The _Doctor _woke up on a _train_.

The Doctor _woke up_ on a train.

He shook his head. It didn't matter how many times he thought it, it still didn't make sense. He rubbed his throbbing head and sat up slowly, turning to the door as it opened. Sleep-with-anything-good-looking-enough Jack Harkness, short, Scottish Pond and Rory "He'll grow into his nose" Williams had burst in. All three wearing the same confused, irritated, "this is all the Doctor's fault" expressions.

Oh, had he forgotten to mention they were all now eleven-year-olds?

"What the hell did you do?" Amy growled, crossing her arms.

The Doctor straightened his bowtie—thank goodness their clothing had shrunken as well. "How should _I_ know?!" he asked indignantly. "Not _everything _is my fault you know!" Jack, Rory and Amy all raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay," he amended, "so _most _things are. But not _this _thing!"

"It's not fair!" Jack whined, pouting. "I can't even hit on you now! It would just feel…_wrong!_"

'_Well, there's one bright side,'_ the Doctor thought.

"Seriously, Doctor!" Rory hissed before popping his head back into the hallway to make sure no one was coming. "Why can't we just have a _normal_ vacation like _normal_—"

"Rory," the Doctor cut him off, "what's on your back?"

Amy swiped the post-it note from his tee-shirt and read it aloud. "_'I thought you all deserved to have a bit of fun. Enjoy! – Sexy.'_ The _TARDIS_ did this?!" she shrieked.

"Well _that's _a new one," the Doctor murmured thoughtfully.

"Oi!" snapped Amelia. "What do we do now?!"

Jumping up and running out the door, the Doctor called behind him, "Have a bit of fun!" A few cars down, he ran into another room. There were three children—looking the same age as him—already sitting in it. A girl with frizzy hair, a ginger boy, and another boy with messy black hair and glasses. "Hello! I'm the Doc…tor…" What started off as an excited introduction, soon turned into a stuttering mess of word vomit as he realized who he was speaking to.

"Oh my god," Jack whispered, his jaw dropping.

"Doctor! You can't just—" Amy stopped in her tracks and stared at the children when she caught up.

"Oh man," Rory choked. "It's Harry freaking Potter!"


	44. Squawk!

**Big thanks to AliasMarie and zipporah grace for stalking, and to those two plus Time-Lady-Lindy and Phoenix Tears Of A Riddle for favoriting!**

**wickaholic- oh yes! And I kill off a character (at LEAST one) in every single one of my fics...I know the feeling ;) And yes, there is WAY more death :P**

**Ashena-Iulik- lmao thanks xD**

**AliasMarie- So do I. I think they should put that in an episode! Thank you. I try to make people think in different ways :P and PLEASE! I LOVE my stalkers! *waves out window* HEY GUYS! lol that awkward moment that as soon as you read it, you have to go to the bathroom :P I think that's my favorite Dalek line ever xD You should put a bow tie on your dog's collar! and really? Huh. *the more you know!* and yes, we all know he's a fan! *see DT commenting on how he cried reading the 7th book :D Thanks for all the fabulous reviews!**

**sfs- thanks so much :)**

**sciphy- haha they would be adorable! And yes, Jack probably even flirted when he was a fetus...*strange mental image* Hmm...maybe, haven't decided yet :P**

**Into The Vortex- thanks!**

**OptimisticLivvy- hahaha I love requests like that xD**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11- I'll take that as an "I like it" then ;)**

**Time-Lady-Lindy- yeah, that's why I'm writing them. Procrastination! Thanks so much :)**

**Frannie the mrawing carb- ...wow. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I don't think that was it xD awesome!**

**Live to Daydream- lol no, I think that was the name! Thanks so much, glad you liked it! It kinda just came out like word vomit, but I thought it was good :P**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- ...I love you! [DANCE BREAK] You're Harry Freakin' Potter! I wouldn't wince at all, you're invincible to all harm! Like betty crocker. Oooh! ... I wanna eat you up! No one'll beat you up with that charm! Remember, Harry, kid, you're the Boss, you're the King, you're the Bomb! **

**Phoenix Tears Of A Riddle- thanks a lot! glad you like it!**

**Phew! Thanks for all the amazing feedback guys! So I'm stuck at university, updates won't be as often :( but I'm trying. **

**This is for Avalonemyst!**

* * *

"Help!"

The Doctor looked up from his book on knitting.

"Squawk! Help me!"

He could never ignore such a blatant cry for help. He jumped up off of Amy and Rory's couch and headed towards the sound. Following the squawks and "Help me"s, he found himself in a spare bedroom. There, sitting in a cage was a magnificent red and blue Macaw. "Well, hello there, beauty!" the Doctor breathed. "Are you the one making so much racket?"

The bird flapped its wings indignantly. "Help, I've been turned into a parrot!"

The Doctor's eyes grew wide at this. "You've _what_?"

"I've been turned into a parrot! Squawk!"

Pacing the length of the room, the Doctor scratched his chin. "Well, that's not good, that is _very_ not good," he murmured, mainly to himself. Turning the to the bird, he straightened his bow tie. "Right, I'm here to help! I'm the Doctor. What's your name?"

"Doc!" it cried.

The Doctor shook his head. "No, Doc-_tor_. I'm _the Doctor_. Now, who are you?"

"Doc!"

"Doctor!"

"Doc!"

"Doctor!"

"Squawk! Help, I've been turned into a parrot! Squawk!"

"Yes I _know_ that!" The Doctor ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. "I'm trying to _help_ you, the least you could do is tell me who you are!"

"Squawk! Doc!"

"ARG!"

Hidden behind the doorframe, Amy giggled quietly. "Told you," she winked at her husband.

* * *

_Earlier that week…_

"Squawk!"

An extremely confused Rory walked in on his wife and a red and blue parrot. "Amy, what are you doing?" he asked slowly, afraid of the answer.

Amy simply laughed. "Rory, meet Doc. Doc, this is Rory. Doc is my new parrot!"

"Uh huh…and why have you bought a parrot?"

Grinning mischievously at Rory, Amy tented her fingers. "Because the Doctor is coming over next week for a visit, and I just can't pass up the opportunity to mess with him!" After describing her plans to him, Rory shook his head.

"It's never going to work," he called back to her as he left the room.


	45. Stalking

**I've got a little present! Because we are now at OVER THREE HUNDRED (313 to be exact) REVIEWS, this is for the 300th reviewer: DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11! I had it written a little while ago, just no where to put it :P It was inspired by a webcomic that I can't remember the name of :P**

**Thanks to MidnightPickle (epic name) for stalking!**

**Into The Vortex- haha thanks! Well, they wanted a parrot named Doc, they got it! xD I love all these prompts! and can I read it!? *bounces up and down* PLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEEE!?**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- I sang that in my head xD and laughed my ass off at the "LONG AGO THEY DIED!" part xD and YES! THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**sciphy- lmao thanks xD and no problem :) Why do you think I write it? :P**

**raykay8001- sorry :P maybe at a later date :P**

**wickaholic- woohoo! and yeah! and the second! SO GOOD! TRICY WHY?! *sob***

**OptimisticLivvy- she should do something like that in the actual show! :D**

**Avalonemyst- :P**

**DeathOfSanity- thanks! Yeah, poor Doctor xD**

* * *

The Doctor and Rory stalked through the alley shadows. Their back to the wall, they listened to two women talking and giggling. "I don't feel right about this, Doctor," Rory whispered, desperately wishing he didn't go along with _everything_ the Doctor said. The Doctor shushed him, trying to hear what the girls were saying. "Seriously, Doctor," Rory insisted, "what is the point of all this?"

Rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation, the Doctor turned to Rory. He patted the Roman condescendingly on the back, "As you get older, you get wiser. One day, Rory, you'll learn one day…"

Rory squawked indigently. "I'm older than _you_!"

"No you're not!" the Doctor argued. "Since when?"

Narrowing his eyes at the Time Lord, Rory growled, "Since I waited _two thousand years _for my wife!"

The Doctor waved a hand, dismissing Rory's comment. "Technically, that never happened, so your point is invalid."

"Oh, you've got to be _kidding_ me!" Rory scoffed.

While the two men argued, they didn't notice the girls that they'd been watching march angrily up to them. "What the hell are you two doing?" demanded River, frowning at Rory.

"Dad," growled Jenny, "are you _following _us? _Seriously?!_"

The men cowered under their glares before the Doctor leaned over to Rory and whispered, "Daughters are dangerous! I_ told_ you this was a bad idea!" Spinning on his heel, the Doctor high-tailed it out of there, calling over his shoulder, "Rory made me do it!"

Rory gulped. He was now the sole target of the women's death stares. He said a silent prayer, deciding that he was going to _kill_ the Doctor for this.


	46. Strip Poker the FINAL Instalment

**Heh Heh Heh Okay. So yes, as you can tell by the name of the chapter, this is the LAST chapter of strip poker. This is it. No more! This is for iulik; the bad influence behind a lot of my stories!**

**Thanks to sharkdragon13, itsfinnmcmissile, and TheRorySong for favoriting and stalking the story, and to swordsandstories for doing this for myself as well :) *internet hugs***

**Live to Daydream- yeah...sometimes I feel bad for making all the bad stuff happen to him...but it's just so fun xD thanks**

**sciphy- yes, that would be a terrifying combo *shudders***

**CaptainFluttershy- hmm...I'm sure I could figure something out with Jenny...**

**TheRorySong- haha thanks! I'm glad you like it! I'll see what I can do!**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Hmm...yes PM them to me! We could have the Master like Draco in AVMP...Rose and 10.5 would be Cho Chang and Cedric...to be honest, I haven't had much time to think about it xD And yes, David CAN sing! *swoon***

**wickaholic- GASP! I was like "four for you Oswin! You go Oswin!"**

**swordsandstories- yup. I am! I'm glad you like it so much! :D **

**Alexia Blackbriar- no problem :) *internet hugs***

**OptimisticLivvy- Was there ever any doubt ;)**

* * *

"Won't this create some sort of paradox?"

"I'm pretty sure there are rules against this…"

"Oh, this is wrong on so many levels."

"Just shut up and play!"

Jack and the Doctors (his ninth, tenth, and eleventh incarnations) were all in the game room in the TARDIS. Why they continued to allow Jack _onto _the TARDIS and agree to his ideas of a "fun time," was beyond them.

Once again, the Doctor found himselves playing strip-poker.

Once again, they were losing.

The eleventh Doctor had on his pants and suspenders, the tenth had shoes, underwear and a shirt on, and the ninth Doctor had only removed his jacket—he clearly had the best poker face out of the three of them.

They were pretty sure that Jack was cheating…and removing his clothing just for the hell of it.

When the eleventh Doctor lost for the umpteenth time, he took drastic measures. Taking out his sonic screwdriver, he aimed it at all the cards, causing them to fly about the room in a tantrum. However, cards also flew out of Jack's sleeves.

The Doctors glared at him as he backed away slowly. "Now, come on guys, let's talk about this…AHH!"

* * *

River was having a good day. The Doctor wasn't bothering her, she was out of Stormcage, and had a nice cup of tea for herself. Things were good.

So, she didn't expect to see Jack being chased out of the TARDIS, followed by three angry Doctors. She wondered if they realized that none of them were completely clothed. Smiling to herself, she walked up to the doors and shut them, locking the Doctors out.

Oh yes. It was a good day.

* * *

**Okay. No more strip poker! I can't do anymore! Ahhh!**

**Also, side note...or bottom note I guess...I got three new reviewers this chapter! YAY! **

**Dear lurkers,**

**I don't bite. Unless you're a sexy male Doctor Who/Supernatural actor in which case, I might. But it would be a love bite. So yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts :P**

**Love Nickel.**

**OH HEY! CasckettInWhoville, your installment of "Who Wants To Be A Companion?" is up!**


	47. YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED

**WICKAHOLIC! AGAIN! AHH!**

**Buuuuut...I feel as though she won't be in another chapter...bwahahaha**

**CasckettInWhoville- Glad you liked it :) Thanks!**

**sciphy- yes. I would too! And I totally think he would xD**

**wickaholic- NO MORE ASKING TO BE IN CHAPTERS! :P Just cause this is the second time and it's not fair to others. Sorry :P**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Hmm...I'll see what I can do! and that sounds good :)**

**rya-fire1- yes indeed! Haha glad you liked them :)**

**swordsandstories- Yeah...that's pretty much my answer too xD Thanks. I'm glad you like them! Yeah...welcome to MY world xD Thanks :) I have a lot of random ideas floating around in my head. Some people request certain stuff and, whatever comes to mind, I'll make it my own :P**

**Ashena-Iulik- Nope, not a crime. But try anything and I'll chop off your hands...they're mine... *glares* Glad you liked it :)**

**OptimisticLivvy- How ELSE could he win so many times?! Sorry, I'm just out of strip poker ideas for now.**

**Spike20096- HI SPIKE! Glad to have you as part of my reviewers club! Nah, I won't destroy you. I'm too nice for that. *lie detector goes off* ...okay...I'm a mean person, but I still won't destroy you. Glad you like it :)**

* * *

"YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!" The Dalek closed in on the Ponds, the Doctor, and Jack. They were backed against a wall; nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. No one actually knew _how _they'd gotten into this predicament. The Dalek had just sort of…appeared there.

Almost as if somebody had simply written it into the scene…

"Well," the Doctor gulped, "until next time, Ponds, Jack." They fearfully nodded their agreement and cringed, awaiting the blast.

The Dalek turned to Rory, choosing him as its first victim. "Man," Rory pouted, "not again!" Why did _he _always have to die?

"HALT!" Everyone—including the randomly-appearing Dalek—turned to the sound of the voice. Standing off to the left was wickaholic.

"…How long have you been standing there?" asked Amy, scratching her head.

Wickaholic held up a hand. "Never mind that," she said. "Hey, Dalek!" The Dalek's eyestalk swiveled towards her. "Yo' mama's so fat, she needed—"

_ZAP!_

Wickaholic fell to the floor, dead. "NO ONE INSULTS MOTHER!" screeches the Dalek before flying away, the Doctor and his companions forgotten.

There was a moment of silence before Rory punched the air victoriously.

"I didn't _die_!" he shouts giddily, running off into the sunset.

Jack looks around for a moment, his expression clouded with confusion. "What the f—"

* * *

**Dear everyone:**

**All new reviewers (and old reviewers, there isn't an age limit) shall receive a Reviewers Club jacket! *hands them out* JOIN US!**

**Love, Nickel.**


	48. Dead or Alive

***cringes* Yes, I know, I am a HORRIBLE person...Sorry for the lack of uploads :( This is for Mathea2005 who wanted herself, Jack, and the Doctor in one scene. Sorry if it's crap :/ But I was listening to some music and this song came on. All I could think about was that, how good of a music video could be made for Doctor Who to this song?! Seriously?! (PS- if anyone makes one and sends me the link, I will be forever in your gratitude)**

**Thanks to Poodlebrain, Daphenia Grace, and connorxrisa897 for favoriting, and connorxrisa897 for stalking!**

**(Oh good lord, 31 reviews to go through *happiness*)**

**sciphy- yeah...hehe**

**TheAustralianZombie- ooohhh cookies! *drools* I'll see what I can do! And yeah...can't kill him off EVERY chapter...right?**

**rya-fire1- Yeah, no sequel for that one, sorry. It's just a complete crack chapter :P**

**Poodlebrain- hehehe cause I've got a dirty mind, silly ;) Well, in my brain, much of this happens. I don't know why, but it does xD And don't dis Monopoly :P What made me want to write these? One day, that "don't touch that" chapter popped into my head. It was nagging and nagging at me, so I finally wrote it. The others followed shortly after. I decided to post them, to see if anyone liked them, and here we are :D *hopes Moffat reads the fangirl chapter because I would watch the HELL out of that!* *shy smile* Sorry bout the feels. Can't help that ;) Yup, chocolate custard. Figured that would piss the Doctor off :P Ending? Ending of what? Yeahhh... Nartu-Deetu tribe=R2D2, Sabway 7=Subway (what? I was hungry), Dasteny 43=Destiny (Supernatural was on). Hehe I'm so sneaky :P *hands club jacket***

**DeathOfSanity- *sigh* but the thing is, I can't think of anything else to DO for them. There's no where to go since we know Jack was cheating. Funny thing is, the Daleks don't really HAVE a mother xD I couldn't resist though! *reads your suggestion, shakes head grinning and starts to slow clap* You bloody genius, you.**

**wickaholic- feel free to give suggestions, just no more being in it for now xD I still love you, don't worry :)**

**Frannie the mrawing carb- Glad you like it!**

**Nico- haha thanks :) *narrowly avoids losing her hands* Yikes! That wouldn't have been good...Here, have a picture I made in like 30 seconds that's not that great but is somewhat about Rory. post /31840607388 /oh-god-i-love-chat-room-role-playing-xd (Take out the spaces!)**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- haha it's perfect xD Brilliant! and then a Dalek could burst in and be like "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME TEA?!"**

**Live to Daydream- GASP! That's insane! Jack isn't the favorite! *cannot even deal with this and no this is not sarcasm* Nah, they probably didn't think it would happen, and look at us now! Singing Daleks (other fic)...thanks :)**

**swordsandstories- haha I've seen it! So freaking great xD Lol yeah, I rewatched that the other day xD So good. And I shall see what I can do! Yup, that would be superfantastic xD But...I don't know who finnick is...sorry...That IS the most likely reason Jack always wins and suggests playing...Thanks so much for all the reviews!**

**Spike20096- No prob! Glad you liked it! :D**

**Ashena-Iulik- *stares wide-eyed as she shuts her blinds***

**OptimisticLivvy- Thanks xD I think I have a bit of self diagnosed ADD. Seriously, I can't even count sheep before bed. It's like "Sheep, sheep, cow, toaster, dog, Old McDonald had a farm, HEY MACARANA!"**

**keria1123- welcome back! Thanks :) And no problem. I honestly think that it's awesome when writers take the time to acknowledge their readers, stalkers, favoriters, reviewers, etc. I unfortunately cannot thank everyone individually by name when they don't favorite or stalk or review, but I try my best to thank everyone who does! *hands club jacket***

**connorxrisa897- *applauds* gotta note the persistence! Thanks so much :) I'm glad you like it. And I'm pretty rubbish at poetry, that "roses are red violets are blue" style poem is about as complex as it gets xD Thanks again! *hands club jacket*  
**

**Ash- glad you like the jacket :) *whispers* It's real leather. *normal volume* And yeah, for quite a while now, too xD I'll do what I can :P**

* * *

"Alright, here's what we'll do; Mathea, you play guitar, Jack, you play drums, and I'll sing. Sound good?" Mathea2005 and Captain Jack Harkness both nod and grab their designated instruments. The Doctor picks up a microphone and turns on the Wii and begins to scroll through song choices.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Stop there!" cries Mathea as the Doctor hovers over "Wanted Dead Or Alive."

Jack smirks. "Bon Jovi…nice."

Grinning at the praise, Mathea begins to play. Throughout the intro, the Doctor smiles; he was glad they decided on Rock Band. When it's his turn, he opens his mouth to sing, and realizes how similar his life is to the song's lyrics.

"_It's all the same, only the names will change_

_Everyday it seems we're wasting away _

_Another place where the faces are so cold _

_I'd drive all night just to get back home_"

His regenerations…the man who's always changing; the man with a dozen faces. Every day, he feels a bit closer to his death—his _final_ death, that is. The one he _won't_come back from. Everywhere he goes, someone seems to hate him. He tries to get away from their hatred, tries to go home, but never can.

"_I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride _

_I'm wanted dead or alive _

_Wanted dead or alive…_"

Someone always wanting to kill him; the Daleks wishing for his extermination, the Cybermen wanting to "delete" him…

But there are others; others who simply want him, want to experiment on him, to discover what they can about the last of the Time Lords. The thought alone makes him shudder in fear. Jack and Mathea are so immersed in their playing, that they don't notice as the Doctor's voice begins to shake; the next couple of lines hitting him hard.

"_And the people I meet always go their separate ways _

_Sometimes you tell the day _

_By the bottle that you drink _

_And times when you're alone all you do is think…_"

Susan, Ian, Barbra, Ben, Polly, Jamie, Brigadier, Sarah Jane, Harry, Leela, Adric, Tegan, Peri, Zoe, Ace, Roz, Romana, Rose, Martha, Donna, Jack, Amy and Rory, the Master…

Countless others who had left him, and not all on their own accord. He couldn't remember how many times his hearts had been broken, and he didn't exactly _want_ to remember. The more he thought about it, the more the lyrics matched his life; the running, the loss, the loneliness. The Doctor heaved a sigh, large enough to shift planets.

Mathea and Jack only realized the Doctor was leaving when they heard the microphone hitting the floor. Jack raised an eyebrow. "What's _his_ problem?" Mathea simply shrugged, the two of them returning to their game, completely oblivious.

* * *

**Random thought:**

**I've recently decided (thanks to a chat room in which I've been Doctor Who RPing as the 12 I created-shut up, I know I'm a loser) that I ship 12 and the Master. 12/Koschei is my new ship. Don't judge.**

**What's YOUR favorite pairing/ship?**


	49. Pickup Lines

**Oh hey there! This here is for rya-fire1 who wanted to see the Doctor give the Supernatural crew a ride back to their own dimension!**

**Thanks to DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s, neva-chanluvsmonsters101, and Lokitty for favoriting and neva and Lokitty for stalking!**

**Ashena-Iulik- That's so true! I really want to make a video to Dead or Alive for the Doctor, I just haven't had any time!**

**connorxrisa897- That song was just playing in the car and I thought, hmm...this is so true about the Doctor! I'm glad you like the jacket.**

**OptimisticLivvy- Haha you hipster you xD I saw something on Tumblr, since rumors are going around about how "Oh maybe the Master is Rory and his Time Lordness is in a fob watch blah blah." It said "if the Master is really Rory, it explains why 11 and Rory kiss so much!" Just thought you'd like to know xD**

**Mathea2005- lol thanks! And I ship Jack with EVERYONE! xD**

**Girl With Starry Eyes- GASP! You liar you :P**

**sciphy- That is so true! I do that all the time, too :) Haha 10/Casanova is funny cause they're both Tennant xD**

**DeathOfSanity- Thanks! And I know, same with me. That's totally a good pairing! And a good reason too xD**

**Frannie the mrawing carb- OTP! OTP!**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese- Noo! Now I'm THINKING about that episode and sobbing. WHY!?**

**Seiga Niko- *takes a picture* PERFECT! And Awwww! Sadness :( I literally LOLed though, reading your descriptions of pairings. Too funny xD Oh my god, that was a freaky- $$ episode! YAY DESTIEL!**

**swordsandstories- Yeah, haven't had much reading time lately *sadface* Haha good choices, but sorry. Matt is currently at my house. YOU CANNOT HAVE HIM!**

**rya-fire1- *looks off into the TARDIS* RORYYYYY! SHE'S HAVING AN EMOTION!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s- Done! And thanks!**

**Spike20096- Oh no, I'm not a Rose/11 shipper, no worries XD THEY ARE GONE TODAY! AHHH! *flails her arms***

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101- Haha thanks xD Yay stalkers!**

**wickaholic- Oh yeah? How was that?! Fun I hope! Thanks, glad you liked it! Oh yeah, they are totally cute together! Darren Criss will forever be Harry Potter though!**

* * *

**Previously…**

"_Son of a bitch! Quit screaming, Sammy!"_

"_I'm screaming for help, Jerk! It's not like YOU'RE doing anything productive!"_

"_Again, I'm REALLY sorry, guys."_

"…_I feel quite insignificant and small…is this how humans feel when they think of my Father?"_

xXx

"I'm the Doctor."

"_Doctor who?"_ the first voice asked angrily.

If possible, the Doctor's grin grew wider as he answered, "Just the Doctor."

"_Well that's a stupid—"_

"_Dean!"_ The second voice cut off the first—Dean—before addressing the Doctor. _"Sorry about him,"_ he said,_ "That's my brother, Dean. I'm Sam."_

"_Name's Tim,"_ voice number three piped up.

"_Castiel,"_ the fourth voice said monotonously.

xXx

"_I shall smite this monster! He shall feel the wrath of God!"_ Poor Castiel found smiting the Time Lord while he was an oxygen molecule, quite a difficult task.

xXx

"It appears," mused Castiel, a shorter man with dark, disheveled hair, piercing blue eyes, and a trench coat, "that the witch also zapped us into another dimension."

"Oh," laughed the Doctor, "you have no idea!"

**Now…**

"So let me get this straight," mused Dean, after the Doctor explained where exactly they were, "that skank zapped us into oxygen molecules and into your 'bigger-on-the-inside' space and time ship-thing in another universe?"

The Doctor nodded, amused by his alternate-dimensional guests. "More or less."

By this point, Captain Jack Harkness had also appeared, claiming he was on "important Torchwood business." He was currently entertaining himself with Castiel, trying to use cheesy pickup lines on him. Castiel, for good reason, looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Are you from Tennessee?"

"No, I am an angel of the Lord."

"Hey, is your name Gillette?"

"…No…it is Castiel."

"Are you wearing space pants?"

"I believe humans call these 'slacks.'"

"Did it hurt?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"When you fell from Heaven, because—"

At the sound of thunder and lightning, Dean and the Doctor abandoned their conversation. Castiel was now standing in front of a dead Jack Harkness, glaring at his body. Tim began running around the console, shrieking, "Oh man, we killed other-dimension dude! We _killed_ him!"

Sam walked over to Jack's body and felt for a pulse that wasn't there. "Cas," he whispered as he stood, "why did you kill him?"

Castiel smoothed down his trench coat. "He knew too much. Heaven must have sent him as a spy."

Slapping a palm to his forehead, Dean groaned. "No, Cas, he was using stupid pickup lines on you." He turned to the Doctor, shame colouring his cheeks. "Look man, I'm _really_ sorry about your friend…"

The Doctor simply waved him off, fiddling with the TARDIS controls. "Ah, don't worry about it. He does that all the time! Now, back to your own universe! Off you pop!" He flipped one final lever and a soft, white light began to surround the three humans and an "angel."

"Hang on," protested Sam, "what do you mean, 'he does that all the time'?!"

Just before they disappeared, Jack gasped for air, coming back to life. The Doctor's visitors stared at him, slack-jawed.

"Son of a _bitch_!" and they were gone.

Jack grinned at the Doctor. "Did you have to make them leave so soon?" he asked.

Rolling his eyes, the Doctor chuckled, "That 'Castiel' killed you, Jack!"

"Yeah," Jack grinned cheekily, "but I think he was starting to like me!"


	50. Jenny and Twilight

**Hello my loves! So, I'm going to update the other stories later, but this popped into my head after watching some youtuber's video. Prepare to be scared for life!**

**Here's for CaptainFluttershy who wanted to see more Jenny.**

**Thanks to LadyoftheGreyMornings and Majuxis for favoriting, and to PeetasCupcake for stalking and favoriting me and the story!**

**DeathOfSanity - Yay! Glad you liked it!**

**swordsandstories - haha thanks! You totally should watch it, it's a great show. Full of family, monsters, ass-kicking, and feels!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - *re-reads the pickup lines Jack used, imagining them in his voice* Whoops, there go my clothes. What was that you were saying about cheesy pickup lines?**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - Until he, oh I dunno, turns into a giant head :P**

**Ashena-Iluik - *dies* It would be a perfect episode!**

**OptimisticLivvy - I KNOW RIGHT?! MOFFAT WHY?! Fun fact, in the season one finaly of Supernatural, the truck that hits the Impala, almost killing the Winchesters and putting Dean into a coma...IT SAYS STEVEN MOFFAT ON THE SIDE OF THE TRUCK! I AM 6543215% DONE!**

**Wickaholic - I'm glad that you had fun at camp and the beach and liked the chapter, my darling!**

**PeetasCupcake - YAY! NEW REVIEWER! *hands jacket* Welcome to the "Nickel's Reviewers Club"! Thanks a lot! I'm glad you like it, and I will totally do that!**

**sciphy - Hmm...carry the 1...divide by...17. 17 times.**

**Spike20096 - I SOBBED SO MUCH! The Doctor's hugging them and like "don't do that again yay everything's good now" and then you realize that there's still 8 minutes left and that Moffat hates us all. *sob* Glad I could help though!**

**rya-fire1 - Haha! Dean's probably borrowing Sam's bitchface right now! xD**

**Frannie the mrawing carb - *bows* Thanks. It's so much fun to write Castiel! xD**

**Niko - I just...I mean...I don't...I don't even know how to reply to that review xD I love it so much! I laughed out loud, which was awkward because I'm in class... o.O As for the "watching the episodes" issue...I'm PMing you a link where you can stream it online for free. :D**

* * *

"…and then I flipped through the laser beams! He was so surprised, it was great!"

"I think that the funniest moment with me and _my_ dad, was at the Pandorica! He was a _Roman_ and I was pretending to be _Cleopatra_! Oh, you should have seen his face! And that costume…!"

Jenny and River Song laughed until their sides hurt. Amy, Rory, and the Doctor smiled, glad that their daughters were getting along so well…especially since the "stalking" incident…

Rory still wasn't quite over that.

"This is great!" beamed Jenny. She hugged River and looked to the Ponds. "Your lives are just like a book I just read! About vampires, and werewolves, and this girl, Bella…" She squealed excitedly, jumping up and down, clapping her hands together.

Rory held up a hand, stopping her. "You're not…you're not talking about _Twilight_, are you?" There was a collaborated gasp when she nodded.

"Our _lives_ are _not _like some stupid sparkly…_fairy_ book!" Amy scowled. How could she compare them to that…that…ugh!

Holding her hands up in defense, Jenny shook her head. "No, no, that's not what I meant! Just…just hear me out!" she pleaded. The Doctor nodded at her to continue and she took a deep breath.

"Basically, this seemingly-normal girl—Amy/Bella—has to choose between two guys—Rory/Edward and the Doctor/Jacob. Through a strange set of circumstances, they have a baby—River/Renesme—who marries the friend Amy/Bella didn't—the Doctor/Jacob." When Jenny finished, she smiled slightly, proud of herself for making these connections.

The Doctor, Amy, Rory, and River however, hung their heads and walked away in shame, rethinking their lives.

* * *

**Yeah, someone actually made a video of these connections and I felt it should be shared. I still love the show, but I just can't unsee it!**

**Also, HOW SAD WAS SATURDAY'S EPISODE?! If any of you need me, I'll be under the kitchen sink, sobbing grossly, until Christmas.**

**...**

**Guess now we know why the only water in the forest is the River...because the Ponds are gone...**


	51. Melody

**HAPPY TURKEY DAY! *confetti***

**So, I had just about finished replying to you all...and then I accidentally exited this page and was sad and had to start over. So yeah. *flails***

**This is for my 400th reviewer! Wickaholic, who I think has somehow tricked the system, I write so much for her. Basically, I've seen these all over the internet, decided to try my own.**

**Ashena-Iulik - Yup, sorry. Only 79 more days until the next episode! *flails***

**PeetasCupcake - Thanks. Wasn't it a good episode? You know...till the Ponds...*dies***

**sciphy - *shrugs* Maybe it will be like Martha and her "cousin" and the Cybermen...**

**Connie - *sniffs* Yeah, sad that they're gone but I can't wait for Oswin! **

**rya-fire1 - *hands over mind bleach***

**Girl With Starry Eyes - I'll drink to that.**

**TheRorySong - *hands a jacket* I can't remember if you've reviewed before and I just forgot...or if you're new...*checks for Silence, not that she'd remember* Yup, that was the video! And sorry, but I love messing with the feels!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - *hands pumpkin pie* I still love Who, don't worry :P**

**Wickaholic - haha, well best of luck to you watching that...**

**Into The Vortex - *blushes* D'aww...thanks... And yeah, they were great! *hands over a bandana***

**Frannie the mrawing carb - Yup. It was. And because I'm a masochistic jerk like Moffat :D**

**Mathea2005 - Haha thanks! And yup. Even just writing them, I was like "Whoops, lost my clothes"**

**Safi-ry - I almost died. Seriously. I've been to NYC twice and each time saw it. And blinked...I COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!**

**OptimisticLivvy - This I would love to hear! )**

**Spike20096 - HAHA! That's BRILLIANT!**

**DeathOfSanity - *shudders at the memory of the baby angels***

**Seiga Niko - *sobs* But we have to be thankful for Moffat. At least he knows how to write GOOD stuff! And no problem! Links for all!**

**AliasMarie - Haha! I LOVE Jenna Marbles! *flails***

* * *

Dear Mum,

I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it in time for Christmas.

Thing is, the Doctor and I got…well…a bit distracted by Italy in the 18th century. And you won't _believe _who we ran into. Go on, guess. I'll wait…

Okay, so I _can't_ wait. It was Casanova! God, what an incredible trip! He snuck onto the TARDIS, fell into the Scattering Mobility Plotters, sent us off to some godforsaken planet, and the three of us ended up on a game show! The host somehow roped him and the Doctor into a game of Ping Pong and, unsurprisingly, the Doctor wanted to make things…interesting…

Long story short, the Doctor lost. Now he owes him a chicken. It was _so_ embarrassing.

Oh, so I was flipping through some up incoming magazines (spoilers!) and it got me thinking; you never _did _tell my why you quit modeling. You were always so incredible! I saw a few of your pictures; beautiful as always! We _really_ are going to have to talk the next time we run into one another!

How's dad? Is he still working on becoming a proper doctor? Not that I don't think he could do it, but the thought of each of us having our own Doctor…I suppose it makes me laugh. But, you know what they say: like mother, like daughter!

I promise I'll come and visit you both soon. But first, I'm going on a quick expedition to a library that occupies a whole _planet_. Can you imagine that? A planet sized library? I get goose bumps just thinking about it! Oh, the Doctor would love it, don't you think? Anyway, I'll come by right after that. It should be just in time for dad's birthday too, so don't tell him. I want it to be a surprise.

With love, always,

Melody

* * *

**Friendly reminder that the world is supposed to end in 75 days.**

**- Nickel**


	52. High School Never Ends

**HELLOOOOOOO! *Opera style singing***

**So, this update is for PeaceLoveAndCheese who asked for some Highschool Who Crew! (I just made that up and I like it. IT SHALL STAY!)**

**Thanks to Squirrel-Face for stalking, Circle-of-Leaves for stalking and favoriting, The Linn for stalking the story and favoriting me, and raykay8001 for favoriting me and the story! *Passes out fezzes***

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 - Thanks. Sorry about the feels.**

**TheRorySong - NOO! MAH FEELS!**

**Little Nerdling - How much do you want to bet that Moffat will make us watch that?**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Yup. That's why. Moffat himself told me...*tries to be convincing***

**connorxrisa897 - Thanks very much! That made me really happy to hear :) Glad I did River justice!**

**Seiga Niko - PRAISE BE TO THE WRITERS! I'm sorry, I really am, but I laughed out loud reading your euphemistic...ness... xD I like all those theories. And then, maybe we'll forget it ever happened! And people will just be like, yup, world didn't end, but the Doctor will KNOW! Yup, laughing. Sorry, but Romney? Really? Four more years for you, Obama. You go, Obama. And none for Mitt Romney goodbye.**

**Frannie the mrawing carb - TUMBLR STALKER! Also, I'm taking that as a complement. He is a fantastic writer and I love him, but I hate him at the same time. That's about what I got out of your review so thank you :) *Applauds at the fanfiction***

**Squirrel-Face - EEP! New review! *Hands over a jacket to join the reviewers club* Same here, dude, same here.**

**RiverDoctorPotterSong - *Passes hot chocolate* Careful, don't burn yourself. I added extra feels.**

**Live to Daydream - Well...that one had been floating around on tumblr, so I felt the need to make my own. I honestly don't know. People leave suggestions and I just take off with them. And that's awesome! That's me, EVERY DAY!**

**rya-fire1 - *Hands a tissue***

**Safi-ry - *Grabs the plushie* YAY! And yeah, I laughed too. But I don't think the world will end. And hey, if it does, there won't be anyone around to gloat against me, right?**

**AliasMarie - Oh my god...I think the world would explode out of pure flirtation xD**

**PeetasCupcake - Me and you should create a bunker to stay alive in. And we shall get Moffat and the other writers and crew and cast and MATT and then survive and everything will be good. Thanks. And I suppose, but I dunno. I hope they make it good! I'm sure they will!**

**Wickaholic - I feel as though you time your reviews xD And yup, sobbed during that one. **

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - I'm a horrible person for doing this to your feels...but I can't stop myself...*Awkward smile***

**Into The Vortex - Thanks :) Sorry, but thanks :) And I'm sure I could do that!**

**Girl With Starry Eyes - *Shakes her head sadly* No, she doesn't.**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - Um...*covers mouth* I CAN'T SAY WITHOUT SPOILING! WATCH THE EPISODE! That sounds good! Can I join in?!**

**The Linn - Hmm...sounds just like me! *New reviewer dance* *Hands over a jacket***

**DeathOfSanity - Lol no problem! And, better keep an eye on your mom :P I'm glad you liked it :)**

**raykay8001 - *New reviewer dance* *Hands a jacket* And if I'm wrong and you've reviewed before, keep the second jacket as an apology... :/**

**OptimisticLivvy - *Gasp* You...hate...WHAT?! But...HOW!?**

**swordsandstories - I'm so sorry. Really :P Now you shall always have that connection in your brain. MWAHAHA! Good idea! Great even! Except it sadly won't happen. They released the letter Rory wrote to his dad. The scene they never filmed. And I cried. Oh no, bash all you like! Seriously. I have the books, and I, regretfully, went through the fangirl phase *gasp* but, when you look at the books, REALLY look, then you see that they aren't that great :/ That's totally a good way to go out! Watching Who! Ooh, you should sleep. Sleep is goooood.**

**Guest - WOAH! A GUEST! *High-fives* If you review again and tell me who you are, I can TOTALLY give you a jacket. I'll put it on hold for you, right here. Because I want to embroider your name on it! *Happy dance* *Nickel has had way too much sugar* And I think that may have been where I got the inspiration from. I think. Not sure, but if so, credit goes to them :)**

**Spike20096 - Sorry :) But not really xD Bwahaha**

* * *

Groaning, Rory sets down his lunch tray at an empty table in the cafeteria. It had been one hell of a morning. First, some jerks knocked his books out of his hands in the hallway. Then, Ms. Natrin yelled at him for not finishing his homework, and _then_ he'd had to run five miles in gym class. It was hell.

Amy and Melody plopped down across from him, Amy sporting a tray like Rory while Melody had a bagged lunch. Both girls were speaking animatedly about John. Rory rolled his eyes; John, _always _John. Melody described about how she was in love, Amy egging her on.

Seeing Rory's distress, Amy giggled, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. "It'll be _fine_," she laughed, "we're always fine!"

Melody threw a bit of her sandwich at the lovebirds. "Get a room, you two," she joked.

The cafeteria went silent for a moment, before quiet titters were heard; John had just walked in.

"He's so smart!" remarked one girl.

"And quite handsome," another swooned.

"Great football player," a boy noted.

"Bet he'll make the team!" said another.

Swaggering over, as only he could do, John decided to sit next to Rory, throwing an arm over his shoulder. "So, how's it going, gang?"

Rolling his eyes once more, Rory groaned. "Horrible." The four students leaned forward, huddling together, and spoke quietly so as not to be overheard. "Doctor," whispered Rory, "how much longer do we have to do this for?!"

"Well," the John/the Doctor murmured, "_something_ in this school pulled us in, so we need to get to the bottom of it!"

"Honestly though," Amy hissed, "de-aged? _Again_?!"

"Though I must say," purred Melody/River, grabbing the Doctor by the bow tie and pulling him in closer, "I do like having _sexual education_ with you…"

* * *

**Yo, Circle-of-Leaves, if you review, you get a jacket! *holds one out to lure you in* Pretty please?**

**So...that guy that jumped from space and landed on his feet...I can't even do that jumping off my bed...**

**Just so you all know.**


	53. Candy

**MY MIDTERMS ARE COMPLETE! HALLELUJAH!**

**So I am SO so sorry about the huge long wait. Seriously, I feel really bad about that. I'm working on updating the stories. Updates won't be every day unless I get a long burst of free time and tons of plot bunnies, but I should get back to writing. Sorry again!**

**So, this story, I'm not really sure where it came from. I suppose it's a bit of a late Halloween story. One of my friends dared me to write a Halloween story from the perspective of a piece of candy and, well...THIS came out...I apologize in advance...**

**Thanks to Circle-of-Leaves and lithiumorgtfo for favoriting and stalking me! Thanks to The Linn, Carrie On Whovians, and Rwy'n-Y-Blaidd-Drwg for favoriting the story! And finally, thanks to Rwy'n-Y-Blaidd-Drwg and Wolf-girl-Artemis for stalking and looking for updates.**

**Circle-of-Leaves - Well, guess I'm not getting any cookies. *Pouts* Thanks for the review, though! *Hugs and hands over a jacket***

**Seiga Niko - Thanks! It would be an awesome episode if they made it canon! Yeah, the stars can be a bit annoying. Yay euphemisms! Yeah, my new obsession is Tumblr and you should see the feels on there! It's insane. The Sherlock fandom is by far the nuttiest, but Whovians are right up there with them! And hooray for Obama! He's no Master, but he'll do!**

**swordsandstories - Haha he'd be a baby giraffe! **

**wickaholic - Don't worry, I'm just as uncoordinated. Tripped over a nickel (note the pen-name), walk into door frames, choke on air, you name it. Don't worry about the length! It's alright, though I can't say I've been keeping up with Glee...or Jersey Boys...**

**rya-fire1 - Lol but we all love it. Also, yes, you caught the reference :) I've seen that video before! It was pretty fantastic xD**

**MelodyCurious - *Gasp* You're lucky to be alive! *Hands over a jacket***

**Ashena-Iulik - Oh yeah, I would do that too! Aww I want a fez! Lucky boyfriend!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 - Lol thanks!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Ah, you caught it! Yay!**

**Connie - Thanks :) I'm glad to hear it!**

**TheRorySong - I have a gang now. Never had a gang before... :P**

**OptimisticLivvy - Yeah, that's true. He probably would.**

**PeetasCupcake - Thanks so much! Don't forget that it's 2012. In a secret underground bunker, somewhere in Utah, Rose Tyler is unleashing a death machine. Just a reminder. My favorite episode was probably Asylum of the Daleks. Rory is the only person ever who would try to help a Dalek find it's eggs. xD What about yours? *Hands a stuffed hedgehog to keep you company***

**sonicpotato - Aww thanks :) *Hugs* I missed you too!**

**The Linn - LOL! Yeah, I have that effect xD *****Hands a jacket because I'm not sure if you got one yet* Haha thanks! Doesn't everyone love badgers?!**

**DeathOfSanity - ...I can probably do that :)**

**Carrie On Whovians - *Hands over a jacket* Yay! Thanks so much, glad I can help :)**

**Safi-ry - Congrats on your part! And hmm...I'll try to think of some ideas for you :) I'll PM you about it. Sorry it took so long to get to this.**

**sciphy - I'll see what I can do.**

**GothGirl69 - :D Glad you liked it! *Hands a jacket because I'm not sure if you got one either***

**Frannie the mrawing carb - I'll try my best :P**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - HOW GREAT WAS THAT EPISODE?!**

**Live to Daydream - Thanks :)**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - *happy dance***

* * *

KitKat landed in a large bowl along with the other wrapped, nut-free, fun-sized delicacies. She quivered with excitement. It was her very first Halloween. Coffee Crisp and Smarties had told her all about it when they were still in their cardboard home, but she still couldn't have been fully prepared for the rush of energy she felt.

"Your first time?"

KitKat turned in response to the husky voice beside her, blushing slightly when she saw that it was a bag of Skittles. "Yes, how could you tell?"

Skittles shrugged. "It's my first time too. I'm Skit, by the way."

"Kat," she replied happily. "Crisp and Mart told me all about it! The humans come one by one and pick the very best!" She tried her hardest to make sure her wrapper was straight and clean, wanting to make a good impression. "Oh, I hope I get picked."

Skit chuckled, amused by her obvious excitement. "I'm sure you'll be one of the first to go."

Practically bursting from her wrapper with pleasure from the remark, Kat stopped her rustling to look at Skit. "Really?" she asked, a blush once again spreading across her chocolate. If it wasn't for her wrapper, someone would have sworn she was a raspberry chocolate bar.

"Well, yeah, I mean," Skit sputtered, struggling for words, "look at you. I think you're actually…well…really delicious looking." Never had he felt so awkward around another candy bar before. It was a strange feeling, but he liked it.

Kat felt like she could positively melt. "I…I think you're pretty yummy too," she murmured shyly. Skit beamed, but before he could reply, they heard a knock at the door.

"Everyone get ready," called a packet of licorice from the other side of the bowl, "we've got humans!" The candies all rustled their packaging quietly, eagerly awaiting what was sure to happen next and listening to the humans speak.

"Trick or treat!"

"Oh, what adorable costumes! Don't you all just look wonderful! Well, I suppose you're looking for candy, aren't you?"

This was it: the moment they'd all been waiting for. Kat and Skit turned to each other, deciding that, if one went, the other wanted to follow—to the ends of the Earth, if need be. A large hand reached into the bowl, grabbing a handful of candy. Kat and Skit were ecstatic to find that they were both lifted up and into the air. "We're going! We got picked!" cried Skit, grinning at Kat.

Their excitement soon turned to horror when Kat was placed into a pillowcase full of goodies and Skit remained in the human's hand. "Skit!" the chocolate bar cried in horror.

"Kat!" Skit was broken-hearted. He knew he would be put back in the bowl—the humans were cruel and heartless, caring not about young love. "Kat, I'm sorry. Be strong. Be strong and remember me!" The human hand threw Skit unceremoniously back into the bowl, not hearing his desperate pleas to Kat.

"I will," she sobbed as the human child carried her away. "I promise, I will!"

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait! Amy, where are you going?!" The Doctor pouted as the Scot walked away from him. "I wasn't finished answering your question!"

Amy rolled her eyes, turning at the door to face him. "All I asked was what kind of candy you wanted me to buy!"

"Oh…Red Vines, please. Red Vines are cool!"

* * *

**Again...so sorry about this chapter...**

**What have I become? I'm shipping bloody CANDY now!**

***dies***


	54. They Had Nothing To Say To Each Other

**What's this?! Another update?! GASP! ****Look at me, with my free time and writing and stuff!**

**Here's for TheAustralianOperaGoddess who wanted a bit more Casanova :P**

**Thanks to my new stalkers and favoriters: Daltor, SuperGirlOnToast, and BlackRoseSpuffyFan!**

**sonicpotato - Oh yeah, me too.**

**Ashena-Iulik - Yeah...that was basically my reaction when I wrote it...**

**Guest - Guest! Who are you, Guest? I want to give you a jacket so you can join my club! :D**

**CaskettInWhoville - And yes, it's stupid-nickel. I'm not sure if it's a dash or underscore though...I believe the link is on my profile. Let me know if I'm wrong.**

**OptimisticLivvy - Thanks :P**

**wickaholic - :D**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Lol thanks. And yeah, I know :P**

**connorxrisa897 - Thanks :) Yeah, I'll never look at candy the same again...*starts eating a sucker***

**rya-fire1 - Actually, someone just dared me to write the story of Halloween from the perspective of a piece of candy. I didn't mean to write a love story, it just kind of ended up that way :P**

**ObsessiveWeirdo - Yeah, midterms were sort of hard...I did pretty good in most of them, but one class I'm not doing so hot in :( Honestly, just don't forget to study and keep up with the work and you should be fine. That was a good episode too! The Chicken Dance will never be the same...and Brian was fantastic xD Thanks so much :)**

**Into The Vortex - Oh my god now the plot bunnies are whispering horrible HORRIBLE things...THANK YOU FOR YOUR IDEA I WILL TWIST IT AND MAKE IT DEPRESSING BUT THEN HAPPY MAYBE!**

**swordsandstories - OTP! YES! And please, my OTP is currently K-9 and Rose the dog from Pete's World.**

**Seiga Niko - Yeah, I'm still a n00b, but I've already been transformed into a crazy xD My worst ship so far is Google and Yahoo. I AM SHIPPING SEARCH ENGINES! And yeah, the Rory is the Master thing...I don't even want to think about it! NOPE CAN'T NOPE! I've heard the theories and I refuse. I love the Master and everything, but I want him to be the Master, not Rory :P Good luck with all the Real Life stuff :/**

**DeathOfSanity - Aren't we so mean? :P**

* * *

They had nothing to say to each other. "Well _fine_ then, DoctorWhoNumberOneFan34!" TheAustralianOperaGoddess typed out furiously. "Continue on with your WRONG idea of WRONGNESS. By the way, even your NAME is wrong. Now go…sit in the corner and…sulk about your WRONGNESS." With a huff, AOG sent the message. She sat, glaring at her laptop for a moment, before deciding that, to make herself feel better, she needed to write some fluffy fanfiction.

"Hmm, where to begin?" she mused. Typing quickly, she smiled as the story progressed.

"_Doctor! I'm back!" The Doctor's head turned quickly to see a gorgeous blonde running towards him._

"_Rose?" he cried out in surprise before running towards her and enveloping her in a hug. "Rose! How are you here?! You…you CAN'T be here! It's…it's wrong!"_

_Leaning in, Rose's eyes slowly shut. "Then I don't want to be right…" she murmured, her lips a breath away from his—_

The telltale sound of a Type 40 TARDIS landing with the breaks on interrupted her thoughts. Had she left the television on? Jogging down the stairs, her fiction abandoned, she went to turn it off. Rather, she would watch the episode of Doctor Who and _then_ turn it off.

Her jaw dropped when she saw a blue Police Public Call Box parked in the middle of her living room. "No freaking way!" she cried, knocking on the door.

Popping his head out, the Doctor's mop of hair fell into his eyes. "Hello? Oh…sorry…didn't know I landed in your house. Rather _nice _house, mind you, but a bit cramped. Though, I suppose that's to do with my…uh…box." His hands quickly flew up to his ears as AOG screamed in fangirl glee.

"IT'S YOU IT'S YOU IT'S YOU OH MY GOD IT'S REALLY YOU YOU'RE THE DOCTOR AND THAT'S YOUR TARDIS AND YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE AND OH MY GOD YOU'RE REAL I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I KNEW IT I ALWAYS SAID THAT YOU WERE REAL BUT NO ONE REALLY BELIEVED ME BUT HOLY COW CAN I GET YOUR AUDIGRAPH AND MAYBE A PICTURE OR A HAIR SAMPLE TO CLONE YOU I MEAN WHAT NOTHING FORGET ABOUT THE CLONING AND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E!"

"Did you even _breathe_ just then?" the Doctor wondered aloud, stepping out into her house. AOG only shook her head, still trying to catch her breath.

"Doctor, did someone scream?" A thin man with sex-like hair followed the Doctor out of the TARDIS. "Because, really, if the women of the 21st century do nothing but scream, I'm not sure I want to be here. Well," he stroked his chin thoughtfully, "I suppose that would depend on who's _making_ them scream...OW!" Casanova glared at the Doctor, rubbing his now sore side. "Why did you just elbow me?" The Doctor simply pointed at the girl in front of them who was about to explode with excitement. Casanova smirked when he noticed AOG. "Oh. Hello there. The name's Casanova, world's—"

"GREATEST LOVER EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Both men took their hands away from their ears once again. "Are you going to keep doing that?" The Doctor raised an almost non-existent eyebrow at her.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, AOG shakes her head. "I'm good, I'm good, I'm cool…just like bow ties… Sorry, I'm just such a big fan of you both! The Doctor and Casanova…really all 18th century literature. Like Galland, Fielding, Ockley, Johnson, Walpole, Voltaire, and Swift! And even more than that! Casanova, why are you in the TARDIS with the Doctor? Does he still owe you a chicken? Why? Was it ping pong? I'll bet it was ping pong. Do you even know what ping pong is? I should probably stop saying ping pong, it's getting annoying and hey! Where did you go?"

Lost in her own little world of babbling, TheAustralianOperaGoddess failed to realize that the Doctor and Casanova had left a few minutes ago, worried by her obsessiveness over them. Pouting for only a minute, AOG ran upstairs to her computer, opening a new word document. She had a brilliant idea for a fanfiction now! A wide grin spread across her face as her fingers flew over the keyboard.

_They had nothing to say to each other…_

* * *

**Friendly reminder that new reviewers get a Nickel's Reviewers Club leather jacket! *hint hint***

**Also that if the world ends on December 21st, we won't get a Christmas Special...or 50th Anniversary special...**


	55. DALEKS ARE HUMOROUS

**Here is for DeathOfSanity who asked to see a Dalek stand-up comedy act. **

**Thanks to luv2readfanfic for favoriting me and the story! :D**

**Girl With Starry Eyes - SAVE US DOCTOR SAVE US!**

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 - And 13 is an unlucky number...I BLAME YOU! But not really. *Hugs***

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Oh yes, PLEASE do that! I will love you forever if there's cable in Heaven and Hell. Don't forget Hell cause that's probably where I'm going, based on my fictions xD**

**swordsandstories - *Crosses fingers in hope* Lol yeah I was going for realistic xD That's what would happen for me, at least. Yes, I was picturing Casanova the way David Tennant played him. *Swoon* Sex hair...yum... And I don't know if I made it TOO subtle, but I kind of looped it around. The first line was the first line of the girl's fanfiction. I was sort of trying to make it so that the girl's fanfiction was basically what I wrote. Yeah...kind of confusing I suppose...**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - I REALLY hope that he saves us! What if it's a fixed event? CRAP NICKEL STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!**

**luv2readfanfic - Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SO SO SOOOO MUCH FOR THE MARVELOUS PM! *Hugs and hands a jacket* I apparently am good at sucking people in. I'm like a black hole or something :P Sorry that I've trapped you in my world. I'm really glad that you like my stories so much :D Who Wants To Be A Companion is currently it's own story so enjoy that if you wish :P More insanity everywhere xD I think I do have ONE story with the Master, but I'll be sure to make some more :) I do love him, I love him as a bad guy and would LOVE for him to come back! Again, thank you SO much and good luck being unproductive! *Hugs***

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - I honestly don't even know what happens in your reviews. Like, ever. But I always find myself loving them. So thanks...I think...Also, I LOVE your candy Hunger Games! HOW ARE YOU SO AWESOME?!**

**Seiga Niko - Haha none taken. I just found the Jupiter/Earth pairing on tumblr...I just...I mean...I can't...I don't even know what to say to that. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME SHIP PLANETS AND DECIDE THAT JUPITER IS HOT?! WHAT?! SO DONE. I'd be cool if the Master kissed me...just saying...**

**rya-fire1 - Quick question...how exactly did you turn into a cat in the first place? Or were you always a cat? DO I HAVE FELINE STALKERS?!**

**Safi-ry - Thanks! Yeah, I wouldn't be able to survive with out them!**

**Ashena-Iulik - WHAT?! YOU DID WHAT NOW?! WHEN?! HOW?! TELL MEEEEEEE!**

**wickaholic - Well you didn't really give me much to work with! Sorry! Yeah, I don't believe it'll end either. It's just fun reminding people :P**

**Little Nerdling - Thank you! I missed you all! And yeah, it's sucked so far. DAMN YOU UNIVERSITY!**

**connorxrisa897 - Thanks! And yes, I really just imagined what I would do and worked from there... :P**

* * *

"DALEKS ARE INFERIOR!"

"HA HA EXTERMINATE HA HA!"

"WE WILL NOT CONQUER!"

"HA HA HA EXTERMINATE HA HA!"

Steve the Dalek was on a roll. His audience loved him and he was getting more confident by the second.

"THE CYBERMEN ARE SUPERIOR"

"I FIND THIS QUITE AMUSING!"

"HUMANS ARE USEFUL!"

"THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN YOUR HUMOR!"

"WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN PEST CONTROL? A HUMAN!"

"HA HA IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE THEY ARE THE PESTS!"

"YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR USEFULNESS AS AN AUDIENCE! I WILL BE HERE FOR THE NEXT SEVEN EARTH DAYS! DO NOT FORGET TO EXTERMINATE YOUR SERVERS!" Steve bowed his eyestalk a few times before hovering backstage.

The Daleks fired several shots into the air to show their appreciation, chanting "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

Rolling his eyes, Jack Harkness sighed and downed the remainder of his drink. Crappy alcohol? No one good-looking? Dalek stand-up comedy acts?

He was never coming to this bar again.

* * *

***head desk* *head desk* *head desk***

**Seriously, what am I doing with my life?**


	56. Twelve 3

**OH MY GOD I HAVE OVER 500 REVIEWS YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AHHHHH!**

**Okay, so something like this happened in a role play I was doing. This is for swordsandstories who wanted some more of the 12th Doctor. Fair warning, INNUENDOS, MISCHIEF, AND NUDITY AHOY! Ehehehehehe**

**Also, did you guys REALLY actually LIKE the Dalek comedy? Huh...didn't think it was THAT good... xD**

**Ashena-Iulik - Aww thanks :D Oh my god XD That's something I would do for SURE! **

**itsfinnmcmissile - WOAH ARE YOU A NEW REVIEWER?! *Happy dance* *Hands over a jacket* Thanks so much! **

**OptimisticLivvy - Thanks! OMG I JUST WATCHED IT AHHHHHH! *Sobs in the corner***

**Little Nerdling - Glad I could help :) Oh, you didn't get one? Sorry! *Hands over a jacket***

**DoCtOrWhOlUvEr11 - Haha thanks. Yeah, humorous Daleks are a bit on the rare side xD**

**ObsessiveWeirdo - Sure, I can bring back Steve at some point! Thanks so much :)**

**wickaholic - Yup. Sorry, but I'm normally the person laughing :P Deny it till the end, cause if you're wrong, there'll be no one to say "I told you so." Glad you liked it!**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - HA HA EXTERMINATE HA HA HA! YAY CABLE AND DOCTORS!**

**Girl With Starry Eyes - Touche. Although I prefer the term "fanwarrior." **

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - Yeah...once again I've got absolutely no idea what happened in your review, but I'm now happy and feel like I should say thank you. So thanks :P Be the Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios!**

**Safi-ry - That's great :) I'm glad to hear it! **

**rya-fire1 - Oh okay, I was a bit worried for a minute there...**

**The Linn - That's exactly what I said when I wrote it :D Yay for getting your friends obsessed! Now you have someone to sob with over the episodes! AND I'M WRITING THEM! I THINK MY PREDICAMENT IS A BIT WORSE, THANK YOU!**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - *gasp* YOU'VE FIGURED IT OUT!**

**Seiga Niko - It IS adorable! What is wrong with the world?! NIKO IT'S OKAY STEVE ISN'T MAD ANYMORE HE'S IN HUMOR NOW SO YOU'RE GOOD! *Chases after her* COME BAAAAAAACK!**

**DeathOfSanity - Thanks :D And any time :) Glad you liked it. **

* * *

The Doctor was sitting in the Library, her feet in the warm pool's water. She sighed, her twelfth regeneration still not very happy about being a girl. Shutting her eyes for just a moment, she let her head fall back, allowing the sensation of the water on her bare toes relax her.

"Hiya!"

Jumping in fright and surprise, the Doctor almost fell into the pool. Whipping her head around to glare at the person who scared her, she paused. "Who are you?" she asked the strange, dark-haired woman standing in front of her. She looked vaguely familiar…

The Doctor's eyes widened when the woman smirked. "Oh no…not you…"

"Oh yes!" the woman beamed. "Did ya miss me, Doc?"

"…Loki…"

Loki grinned impishly as the Doctor remembered her last encounter with the god of mischief.

* * *

Straightening his bow tie, the eleventh Doctor stuck his tongue out at his reflection. Amy and Rory were spending what they called "Special Time" together, so the Doctor was utterly bored. The only thing that was keeping him entertained was the faces he made in the mirror.

"What are you doing?"

Spinning around, the Doctor frowned at the woman that had appeared behind him. She was quite pretty, he supposed; black, shoulder-length hair, bright green eyes, curves in the right places...

He stopped himself abruptly, reminding himself of River. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded, focusing on her eyes rather than her…_'Stop it, Doctor!'_

The woman smirked, as though she knew what he was thinking. A lolly-pop appeared out of thin air and she popped it into her mouth. "Name's Loki, sweetheart. And you must be the Doctor; the infamous Time Lord, last of his kind."

The Doctor frowned. "Loki? As in, the god of mischief?" Loki nodded, allowing him to absorb the information. "But…I mean…no offense…but I thought you were…well…"

"A man?" The Doctor nodded; thankful she ended his stammering with an eye roll. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But that's not why I'm here."

Taking a step back, the Time Lord eyed her warily. Gods on his TARDIS, whether of mischief or not, was never a good sign. "Then why _are _you here?"

Loki shrugged, "I had a day off, thought I might pull a prank on the Oncoming Storm." She pulled the lolly-pop out of her mouth and pointed it at him. "That would be you, in case you were wondering."

Oh this was not good, not good at all. In fact, if "not good" was a mall, this was an escalator ride and five shops in a mall four countries _away_ from not good! "B-but…why?!"

"Because I'm bored and I _can_." Smiling sweetly at him, the god of mischief began thinking aloud. "Now, let's see…there's de-aging, gender-bending, de-aging _and _gender-bending, two heads, no head…" The Doctor's eyes were practically bulging out of his head—he didn't like the sound of _any _of those! "Actually…" Loki's eyes took on an even _more _devious glint—however _that_ was possible. "I like the idea of you being _clothing repellant_…that's always a classic! And I'm sure there's _plenty_ of sexual tension you need to work out here on your ship…" With a snap of her fingers, the Doctor's clothes ripped themselves off of his body.

Turning bright red, the Doctor tried, and failed, to cover himself. After sputtering for a minute, he glared at Loki. "GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES!"

"No." Loki really was enjoying the view, not bothering to be subtle with her gaze. "It'll wear off…eventually. Shouldn't take too long…"

Sounding like a whiny child, the Doctor pouted. "_How_ long?"

Loki grinned widely. "Well, from here, I'd say about nine inches…"

The Doctor's jaw dropped at the innuendo. "How long until I can wear _clothes_ again?!"

"Hmm…" Loki used her finger in the air to do the math, "carry the five and…" With another smirk, she walked up to him, slapped his bottom, gave him a quick peck on the lips, and disappeared, leaving the Doctor naked and red as a tomato.

* * *

"You made it so that my clothes wouldn't stay on! I couldn't even wear a _towel_! That lasted _days_!" The twelfth Doctor was once again red, the memory fresh in her mind.

Loki pouted slightly. "Oh…only days? Damn, guess I'm losing my touch…I just wanted to see if it had worn off by now. Guess it has. Too bad, really."

The Doctor glared at the god. "_TOO BAD?!_" she screeched, her blood pressure dangerously high.

The god simply shrugged. "What? You were hot, I was bored. You know…I _could_ make it happen again…I'm sure your companions would appreciate it…" Loki waggled her eyebrows suggestively at the ginger.

With a shriek, the Doctor sprinted out of the room. Grinning, Loki snapped her fingers and disappeared, her voice reverberating through the TARDIS after she left.

"Ehehehehehehe!"

* * *

**Quick question. I've realized how much space my responding to your reviews takes up at the beginning of the chapter. DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY I LOVE ALL THE REVIEWS PLEASE DON'T STOP!**

**I'm just wondering if you'd rather me reply to them via PM or if you want me to keep it at the beginning. Up to you all :)**


	57. Ash

**I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU I SWEAR! Real life has been NUTS lately. Crazy work hours, projects, and I've got finals coming up in like, a week. Anywho, here's another story :D This is for hogwartsmockingjaysilvertong ue, AKA Ash, who wanted to appear in a story. Sorry it's a bit short, Ash, but I like how it ended up!**

**Also...WE ARE PAST 500 REVIEWS! I REPEAT, PAST 500 REVIEWS! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! *Falls into a volcano of excitement***

**Thanks to SunnySmile2413, MyFandomsKillMe (this is all too true), Ryn 14, and thosesecretlies87 for favoriting and following me and or the story! THANK YOU!**

**TheRorySong - More Fem!Doc? You got it!**

**Little Nerdling - Yeah, I decided to reply because, when I review, it makes me feel appreciated as a reader :) It feels good getting a reply to a review. And yeah, it's totally cool if you do that. No problems here :)**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - Ehehehehe...I think we all feel that way ;)**

**wickaholic - Thanks :) Glad you like them. And thanks for the opinion :D**

**rya-fire1 - I repeat: Ehehehehe. And don't lie, you loved it xD**

**Safi-ry - AH! I would be quite happy to meet them! Just saying :P And I'd love to read them :) Send me a link or the title or something :D**

**Into The Vortex - Lol finally, my brain gets a break ;) And I'm glad you like it :P **

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Loki amuses us all!**

**swordsandstories - No problem :) Lol yeah, all you guys' wishes are my commands xD And don't look now, but I HAVE been asked for a sequel to that xD And oh god, the innuendos...you just know Loki would be perverted. It's a given ;) **

**ObsessiveWeirdo - Haha thanks xD AND YES I DID HOLY MEGA SUPER INSANITY AND I WANT TO SEE IT SO BAD AND AHHHHHHH**

**Seiga Niko - *Passes over a pillow and blanket* Lol yeah, I needed Loki in there xD I made her a chick...BECAUSE REASONS! I think EVERYONE blames Jack...BARROWMAN! *shakes fist* Haha I'm glad you like it. It actually happened in a role play me and a few friends were doing xD Thought I'd share!**

**Spike20096 - I'm glad you liked it :) And yes, you are xD**

**AliasMarie - Oooohhhh I rather like that idea! IT SHALL BE DONE! Yes to more high school crew, and you haven't? *Hands over a jacket* Sorry about that!**

**OptimisticLivvy - Thanks ;) I may or may not ship it...hehehe. And sorry, but you were the only one who didn't want them at the top. I still love you though :D**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - WHO NEEDS LIFE?! WHAT IS LIFE?! YOU DO NOT NEED A LIFE! STAY WITHIN MY CLUTCHES MWAHAHAHAHAHA*coughhackcough* I mean...**

**Maharani Radha - NEW REVIEWER YAY! *Confetti, hands over a jacket* WELCOME TO THE CLUB! And sadly, I don't think I can do that one. It physically pained me just to write that one. Ugh. Sorry :/**

* * *

"Well, looks like we're back to square one."

"That's really not helpful, Ash."

"Sorry…"

They were back where they started, the Doctor and Ash, running in circles through the maze. "Doctor," Ash panted as they ran, "what happens if we can't find the TARDIS?" She yelped when the Doctor grabbed her arm roughly and yanked her out of the path of a rolling boulder.

"_Well_," he growled, "we'll probably die in here, but that's a slim chance. Although…it's growing larger by the second…DUCK!"

The pair dropped to the ground, narrowly avoiding a fire ball. "Don't you have a homing device or something?!"

The Doctor gave her an exasperated look, scoffing, "If I _did_, don't you think I would have used it by now?! It's not like I can just press a button on my screwdriver that will send a signal to the TARDIS' mainframe, reverberating the sonic waves back to us and telling us exactly how to get to the TARDIS in one piece! That's just—"

Pursing his lips, the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and raised it above his head, sending a signal out to the TARDIS. It soon began beeping, telling them exactly where the TARDIS was. Seeing Ash glaring at him murderously, the Doctor huffed. "Okay, right, fine. Shut up, Ashlynn."

"Oh…I hate you _so _much right now!" Ash shouted as the Doctor pulled her after him through the maze, ducking and weaving as they tried to avoid all the obstacles in their way. When they finally reached the TARDIS and took off, the Doctor grinned at his new friend—Ash didn't return the smile. "No more pressing the random button, Doctor," she ordered, stalking off, leaving the Doctor in the console room to pout.

* * *

**So replies will stay at the top, as just about everyone said they liked that, so yay!**

**Also, sorry to those in the Sherlock and Merlin fandoms. I heard what happened and, well, I'm here for you.**


	58. Read All Your Books

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s, THIS IS FOR YOU! Some more 11 year old Who-crew with Harry Freaking Potter!**

**Woah, not many reviews today...was it the chapter? The fact that I'm updating so soon? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?! DID YOU ALL FALL INTO A PIT OF DESPAIR?!**

**Safi-ry - Me too xD**

**Girl With Starry Eyes - Apparently we have to wait until 2014 for season 3. It sucks :(**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - *Bows* Thanks :P**

**wickaholic - *GIANT GROUP HUG* Yeah, I'm in the Doctor Who, Sherlock, Merlin, and Supernatural fandoms, among others, so it's been an interesting few days...**

**Seiga Niko - Oh she so is. So much fun xD No I haven't, I suppose I'll have to check it out. I love that he does that, too xD It always makes things funny. *Pats on the back awkwardly* There there...there there...it's all right... *Sings Soft Kitty***

**Little Nerdling - Thanks. And yeah. BBC must stand for British Bullying Committee.**

**The Linn - It never ends well xD**

**ObsessiveWeirdo - Thanks! And I'm excited. Even though I'm boring...I asked for a GPS for Christmas xD**

**Laura Dove - WOAH HI A NEW REVIEWER! *Hands a jacket* And yeah, that would have worked too! Good guess :P**

* * *

"_Oh man," Rory choked. "It's Harry freaking Potter!"_

"No way," gasped Jack. "Oh no way, no way, no _way_! THIS IS TOO COOL!" Captain Jack Harkness, leader-of-Torchwood-Three-Face-of-Boe-shoot-first-sleep-with-later-if-you're-lucky Captain Jack Harkness, was currently bouncing up and down excitedly, running over and asking Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger for their autographs. "I have read _all _of your books!" he beamed.

Harry eyed him quizzically, signing his Vortex Manipulator, "I have books?"

"Nope!" squeaked the Doctor. "No books! Just ignore him, he's a bit loony. Americans, you know?" With a weak chuckle, he pushed Amy, Jack, and Rory out of the car with a quick "Excuse us for a minute, would you?"

Amy huffed once they were out in the hall. "Doctor, how can that be Harry Potter?! He's not real!"

"Well you see, Amelia—"

"Something about this being all wibbly."

The Doctor blinked at Rory in surprise. "How did you know?"

Shrugging, Rory peered through the window to look at the Potter boy and his friends. "Just seemed like something you'd say."

Scratching his chin, the Time Lord hummed thoughtfully. This was going to be very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

* * *

"Bloody hell, Harry. I didn't know you had books!" Ron stuffed a fourth chocolate frog into his mouth, gazing at the Boy-Who-Lived in awe.

Scoffing, Hermione rolled her eyes. "He _doesn't_, Ronald—chew with your mouth _shut_, for goodness' sake."

"Who _were_ those people? And was that boy wearing a bow tie?" Harry's mind was racing. He'd only just discovered he was a wizard. Now he had _fans_?

Ron swallowed and licked his lips. "Dunno. Never seen them before. I don't think they even said their names…"

Hermione sighed, shaking her head at how once again, Ron Weasley had failed to notice the obvious. "The boy with the bow tie called himself the "Doctor." Though, doctor of what, I'm not sure. Maybe…"

As Hermione and Ron discussed various theories, Harry looked through the window to look at their strange visitors, smiling and waving when the boy with the too-big nose looked back.

'_Yup,'_ he thought, _'being a wizard is going to be fun!'_

* * *

**Random fact of the day:**_  
_

**John Kellog invented Cornflakes as a nutritional cure for masturbation.**

**The more you know!**


	59. Geronimo

**You guys are going to hate me. I mean SERIOUSLY hate me. I honestly don't know what compelled me to write this. I'm sorry.**

**I'm so, so, SO sorry.**

**...But this is a bonus chapter for passing 500 reviews? Ta da? I also posted it as it's own story so that anyone who isn't following this story can have the...erm...joy (I don't think that's the right word for it)...of reading this.**

**rya-fire1 - OKAY JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS I DID NOT LOOK THIS UP MY PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER TOLD US THAT FACT TODAY IN CLASS. And don't worry about it :P**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - No problem :P And that's how I pictured him too xD**

**wickaholic - ehehehehe yes the fact xD NOOO NOT YOUR OTP! *Hugs***

**Wolfy - HEY! IT'S BEEN SO LONG! *Glomps* Yes, it IS a AVPS reference! Thanks :P**

**The Linn - No..."Who." Doctor _Who_.**

**connorxrisa897 - Thanks :D Glad you liked it!**

**swordsandstories - *Hugs* Glad I could help with that :D Thanks.**

**Again, I'm sorry. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

It had been weeks, _weeks_, since the Ponds…died. Since..._Amy_ died.

Amelia Pond: the girl who waited.

In the end, the Doctor had known it wouldn't be him she would choose. He had known, with all his hearts, that Amelia would _always_ choose Rory. And that was how it should have been—it was so…human.

But things weren't getting better.

And the Doctor couldn't stand it.

River had left him shortly after the incident with the angel—incident…was that what he was calling their deaths now?—and he'd broken back down. While River had been with him, he held back his tears, because River Song was strong and, no matter what, he would stay strong for her. He wouldn't let her see his pain.

Now, the TARDIS was so empty, so lonely. She groaned and creaked, her grief clear as the Doctor's. He had tried to distract himself from the loss of his friends—the loss of his _best _friend—but nothing worked. Everywhere, every_when_, he went, there was always that little nagging voice in the back of his mind, reminding him:

"_Amy would have loved this."_

"_The year 2000…the same number of years Rory the Roman waited for Amelia Pond."_

"_Rio…you always promised Amelia you would take her to Rio."_

"_No, you can't go there; Gallifreyans were banned ages ago." _

"_But, on the other hand, Gallifrey is gone now…"_

"…_Just like Amelia."_

"_Gone."_

"_Gone."_

"_Gone."_

Their deaths had taken their toll on the Doctor's health—both mentally and physically. He was thin and frail, his clothes hanging off his body loosely, as he had stopped eating and sleeping. He would constantly talk aloud, nothing new there, but he only did it in the hopes that one of the Ponds would reply. They never did. His already scattered thoughts made less and less sense as he went on.

Until one day he was roaming around the TARDIS, aimlessly, and accidentally found himself in their bedroom.

He turned to leave immediately of course, their memory causing him too much pain, but something was keeping him there. He slowly found himself walking over to their set of bunk beds. Sitting on the bottom bunk, he inhaled deeply, their scent preserved perfectly in the room. He looked around, feeling numb as he was overcome with memories.

Amy's skirt—the one that combined with her husband and the Doctor's glass floor to cause the TARDIS to materialize inside itself. Rory's centurion outfit—the boy who waited. Amy's reading glasses. A replica of Van Gogh's Sunflowers.

A cricket bat—the one Amy used to hit the Doctor's head when he came back for her, twelve years late, he was certain of it.

It quickly became too much for him. The Doctor got up to leave, when a small, white cylinder caught the corner of his eye. Turning his head, he read the label.

_Advil_.

Perfectly safe, so long as it was taken in small doses. He'd finally found a way out; a way to escape the pain he was feeling.

Was it selfish? Yes. Cowardly? Absolutely. But everything just hurt too much.

"I'm sorry, River," he murmured, taking the bottle in his hand. The TARDIS would bring him to Torchwood—to Jack—afterwards. She always knew exactly where he needed to go.

And Jack would know what to do with _him_.

Laying back on the bed and holding Amy's reading glasses to his chest, he poured the almost-full bottle of pills into his mouth and swallowed, closing his eyes.

"Geronimo."


	60. Author's Note

Hey folks. Sorry to say, but the next two weeks I won't be posting. Saturday my final exams begin. So I'll be studying all this week and writing finals all of next.

Sorry again, but that's how it it.

-Nickel


	61. Melody Goes To School

**What?! Nickel's alive?! She survived the apocalypse?! Well, I hope you all did too! And I totally would have uploaded this yesterday, but my computer sucked and the wifi was iffy and meh. But anyway, here's some fluff to make you love me again after leaving you on that horrible note. This is for PeetasCupcake who wanted to see a bit more of River Song. Hope this is alright.**

**Thanks to futureDWcompanion and The Little Foreign Friend for favoriting, and to The Little Foreign Friend and LeafeonPrincess for stalking!**

**Squirrel-Face - Yeah...oops?**

**wickaholic - Well, I DID warn you...Thanks for the Moffat comment though :D**

**neva-chanluvsmonsters101 - *Awkwardly hands tissues* Try not to kill me. Then you won't get more uploads.**

**Seiga Niko - Hey, I was basically having a melt-down when I wrote this, so I feel as though I have a small excuse. This is the third Moffat statement so far, and I'm kind of loving it! Thanks!**

**Little Nerdling - hehe...cornflakes... xD**

**Exact Estimate - ...I did. Sorry, not sorry. But, if you think about it, I DID get you to review, so I'd call that a success ;)**

**Avalonemyst - ...Not mad?**

**swordsandstories - Yeah, I don't really joke about that stuff... *cringes* Thanks and sorry not sorry for the feels.**

**OptimisticLivvy - Yeah...that was kind of the point though xD**

**The Linn - Oh no, I hit the wall a LONG time ago. Just never really showed it until then. Anyone who RPs with me knows it xD Thanks :)**

**Into The Vortex - Thanks a lot :) Glad I wrote him well. And please, if anyone should apologize, it's me (even though I won't)**

**Safi-ry - Unfortunately, yes.**

**rya-fire1 - *Shrug* I dunno. It was a real low point in my life when I wrote that. Literally. It's what gave me the inspiration to write it...**

**PeaceLoveAndCheese - I BAMBOOZLED NO ONE! I WARNED YOU! *Flails* Thanks and that video...I just...I can't...I... o.O**

**DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s - Really? I'm not quite caught up on Classic Who.**

**Eternal Evening - NEW REVIEWER HELLO! *Tosses a jacket* Oh yes, Jack does these (among other ;) ) things to us!**

**A Renegade Time Lord - ANOTHER ONE?! *Flings jacket* It's so awful what humans have done to the Ood :(**

**Thanks to everyone else who wished me luck on my finals! My next semester starts up on the 7th and I'll be an English major! I'm hoping to eventually get into the Creative Writing section.**

* * *

Melody Pond was destined to kill the Doctor. At least, that's what Madame Kovarian raised her to believe. Though she could already handle a gun better than most of the soldiers she knew, Kovarian insisted that she went to school. She was starting the third grade in about five minutes and, for the first time in her life, Melody was nervous.

She was about to meet her parents.

She'd gone through everything several times in her mind already: Amelia Pond and Rory Williams. They would be in her class. She had to meet them, be their friend, and make sure they ended up with one another. Melody was not allowed to draw attention to herself, including starting fights with other children. She would report any findings back to Kovarian and, under _no _circumstances, was she allowed to reveal who she actually was.

It hadn't taken long for Melody to meet Amelia, the two of them becoming fast friends. She'd almost called Amelia "Mum," but managed to convince her she'd been saying "Amy." Amy had rolled her eyes and called her "Mels," saying that if her name had been shortened, than so would Melody's. Melody had just about burst with excitement at the nickname. They talked throughout their classes, almost being sent down to the Head Teacher's room three times due to their volume.

At lunch, Amy's aunt had picked her up, taking her out as a surprise. Melody hadn't been happy about it, but she'd said goodbye and waited eagerly for lunch to be over, wanting to spend more time with her mum. She walked across the playground, but was stopped by a sharp tug on her pigtails.

"Oi!" she spun around to glare at the person, finding herself looking up at a rather large boy. He must have been in either his fourth or fifth year. She could have taken him, easy as pie, but she was under strict orders… "Don't do that."

The boy laughed at her expression. "What's wrong?" he jeered. "Did that _hurt_?" Melody rolled her eyes and started walking away from him, anger bubbling in her gut. She needed to get away from him before she got in trouble. Madame Kovarian would be angry if she got in trouble. She couldn't remember why, but she was quite scared of what happened whenever she got in trouble. She was pulled from her thoughts, quite literally, when the boy tugged on her hair again. She turned to say something, but someone else beat her to it.

"Leave her alone!" A small, skinny boy with mousey hair was glaring at the large boy. "Why don'cha just pick on someone your own size," he ordered, quite bravely, Melody had to admit. The larger boy only laughed and pushed the smaller to the ground. Glaring at him as he walked away, Melody helped the smaller boy up.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

The boy nodded, brushing himself off. "Yes. Are you? That wasn't very nice of him."

Melody smiled. No one, besides Amy, had been so nice to her. "Yes. Thank you, that was very brave of you," she said, smiling. "I'm Mels."

"My name is Rory. Rory Williams." Rory stuck out his hand for her to shake, smiling at her. Melody beamed. Already her father was proving to be the brave Centurion she'd heard all about.

The bell sounded, ending their lunch hour. Melody grinned again and took Rory's hand. "Come on," she said, pulling him after her as she looked for Amy, "there's someone I want you to meet!"

* * *

**Oh, and to everyone mad at me for "killing" the Doctor...**

**I never actually SAID he died. I said:**

_Laying back on the bed and holding Amy's reading glasses to his chest, he poured the almost-full bottle of pills into his mouth and swallowed, closing his eyes._

_"Geronimo."_

**The reason I left this open, was because I didn't want you all to hate me TOO much. I never said he died. I only said he swallowed the pills and closed his eyes.**

**Maybe the TARDIS got him to Jack in time.**

**Maybe he was saved. **

**Maybe he regenerated.**

**Maybe he didn't and simply died.**

**I wanted you all to decide for yourselves.**


End file.
